I didn’t know anything about it until I’d gone in for my twenty week scan and I was approached about it then and for me, it was almost like a breath of fresh air because at that point, up until that point, I really didn’t know that I had a decision to make, it was almost drummed into me that because I’d had a section before, you’ll have to go through a trial of labour this time. So, I really didn’t realise that a) I had a decision, and b) I didn’t realise, I knew the risks involved of having a section, but I wasn’t really aware of all the risks involved of going through a trial of labour, so that was really good for me to read up on that as well. And to be able to compare both, and to work out in my head which, obviously I rated as the worst.

I thought about it and then as the pregnancy got more and more advanced, I got heavier and heavier. And another complication, I got an awful lot of pelvic pain by the end, it started actually, it did start more like about thirty-six weeks, I suppose. That’s when I made my final decision, so I hadn’t totally made a decision, but obviously I had used your tool in between. Now that was interesting, because obviously that was geared towards my thoughts and what was going through my mind, which again are things you don’t necessarily consciously think about that much. You- it’s all in the unconscious and, you know, I was probably veering towards an elective caesarean, to be honest, during that time. Then I did your survey, and that was very interesting because again, it was’ it highlighted all the risks and my, but it had my priorities on the different risks. And interestingly enough, that came out elective caesarean, so that was kind of, a bit of a’ very interesting for me. And, you know, I do think it was helpful, because it obviously was focused on my feelings, not anybody elses, no agendas, so that was helpful. So’ so, I do believe about thirty-four weeks, I did see him and we booked in a date for the caesarean and time, which was quite funny, and it was two weeks before I was due, so it was quite funny. But again, I had, you know, it was quite good, again, I had the option, if I changed my mind at the last minute, I could. So that was great. But I think as I got bigger and heavier and I got these pelvic pains and I think by week sort of thirty-eight, I was due to have it on the week thirty-nine, I thought, ‘I’m going to go for this, I’m so uncomfortable, and I was very, very scared of, you know, something going wrong with the natural birth, still so’ So it was a combination of everything led me to, you know, I could have changed my mind right up until the last day so, you know, but, but also the tool did really help because it was my worries about the risks and not an agenda that natural birth is better. Which in many ways it is, but not necessarily if you’ve had a very difficult birth the first time.

So, have you got the section booked now?

I have, yes.

But if you were to start labouring naturally and everything looked okay’?

I think what I would do is, I mean, well, I know from my first time round that these things don’t happen within a couple hours so I think I would, if it happened in the same order, where my waters broke and I had contractions and whatever, I would wait until they were regular and getting close together, and then once I got to the hospital, I think I’d make the final decision. If I was given advice that I was progressing well and that the, the head was definitely in the right position then I might still try for a natural’

You sound uncertain?

Yeah. I am quite uncertain really. I think the thing that makes me so uncertain is that there are risks on both sides, it’s not that one is so much more problematic than the other, they are very much balanced. Where ones better than the other then the other one has positives as well. So it is really difficult to make a definite, definite, definite decision. So, again, I’m kind of going back to the, well, maybe see how things go a wee bit, but then if I haven’t gone naturally by my date, then that’s fine, it’ll be an elective.

But where do you think the most important and useful information came from for you this time?

‘I think it’s instinct really, because I think if you want to ask something, or you’ something crops up, obviously the midwives, the staff, the consultants, they are there, because I didn’t hesitate when I had questions, I think first’ I think you listen to your body and then some people don’t listen to their body in’ I don’t know, it’s another thing that depends on the individual again.

But for you, it was instinct?

Yeah. Because I think you… I think, same with anybody where you get an instinct where you know something’s wrong, so you take the initiative and you phone up the midwife but then some people might delay that call, or’ yeah.

Basically they just went through, discussing my sort of previous pregnancy, my discussion on whether I would have a section this time or not and at that point in time I wasn’t actually clear as to- as to how I wanted to go, so they arranged for me to have some time to think about it and, and come back. When I saw the midwife, but I had made a decision then so I didn’t see the obstetrician again.

And can you tell me a little bit more about why there was an indecision there about what way to deliver?

Mainly because I felt at that point in time although I had the information in front of me, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I was getting all the information I required from the sort of medical team. I was sort of, I didn’t want them to tell me, ‘Oh’ you’ll have to have it this way’, but I had a sort of sneaking, unless, you know, at that time, that I might be, being allowed and (encouraged) to go with the trial labour even though at the back of their heads they knew that I was going to end up with a section, and I think I’d have rather been told that there wasn’t a possibility than, than, ‘It’s up to you to decide, even though it’s going to be taken out of your hands anyway. But then I explained that to the midwife the next time I went in that that was kind of what my concern was and she said, well, you know, obviously there wasn’t really a clear explanation for why, I hadn’t managed to deliver my first twin, even after all that length of time, so, you know, it was possibly worth a, worth a try and it was obviously more difficult with twins in the circumstances, high blood pressure and things, so, that was kind of fine. But at the time I didn’t feel I was maybe getting all the information and I’m aware it’s because of informed consent, you can’t tell the patient, ‘You have to have this’, but on the other hand, I think I’d have felt comfortable if they’d have said, ‘Well, you can have a trial labour, but in your particular circumstances theres a ninety-five percent chance it’s going to be a section anyway because of x, y and z’, rather than sort of say, ‘Well, everybody’s entitled to try’, you know, so, but, that’s why I couldn’t make up my mind originally, so’

I’ve wanted someone to tell me what the right option is really. But nobody, obviously the doctors and midwife, they, they don’t really necessarily recommend which one. They, they keep saying, ‘It’s up to you, it’s up to you’ and giving me the benefits and the risks, so I’m still sort of thinking, ‘Oh, is it all down to me? Am I going to make the right one?’ Whereas if somebody said, ‘We think you should do this’, I would go by that.

And how have you got on with your midwife in this pregnancy?

Fine. Yeah, yeah.

Has she been able to answer any of your questions?

Yeah, I mean, we only discussed birth plan-wise yesterday, and she didn’t really seem concerned about having’ attempting for a normal delivery. And I’ve had a few talks with the consultant at the hospital and, it’s the same really, they, they’re not really concerned either way.

Right. How do you feel about that? About that they’re not worried. Has that made you less worried?

Not really, because I sort of think they don’t understand that I am worried, if you see what I mean.

Yeah, I do’ So you’ve been able to discuss your fears and your expectations have you, this time?

A little bit, a little bit, yeah.

So how involved do you want to be in the decision, because it sounds from what you’ve been saying like you want them to make the decision for you?

Yeah, yeah.

Why do you think you want them to tell you?

Because I think they’ve had a lot more experience with this, and I know they say the percentages on the risks and everything, but I just think it – from a medical opinion I think it would be better if they took reign and said, ‘This is what you should do.

Yeah, I mean, I actually went for a growth scan at thirty-four weeks and the baby was breech [right] at that stage, and I was actually booked in for a Caesarean, which was really upsetting for me. But luckily obviously the baby’s turned and the section has now been cancelled, because I was due to have it next week.

Did that cause you anxiety?

It did, yeah, I didn’t’ because again I felt like everything was out of my control and I had no choice in the matter, it did cause a bit of upset.