So, I, I basically didn’t really think about it all until about twenty weeks. I think possibly, I’m not sure if I told you this before, but I had a miscarriage with the previous baby, so I kind of’ it didn’t become real until about twenty weeks and that was combined with my scan and my visit to my local hospital, [Hospital]. Where, obviously it was on my mind, but I hadn’t really thought about it too much but I was, possibly at the back of my mind veering towards an elective caesarean because I had not had a good experience the previous time. I saw a junior, I saw, I think below registrar, so a junior doctor who was under the, you know, under the head obstetrician, who’ so I sort of mentioned that I, I was thinking about options, but she basically totally recommended a natural birth. Told me that caesareans risk piercing your bladder, heavy bleeding, lots of things, but she mentioned nothing that can happen with natural births. So she tried to scare me off, wouldn’t agree anything or really discuss anything and said, ‘Well, just see us at thirty-four weeks and well talk again. So that was that. So I went away and had a think. And that’s when I really started thinking and to be honest, I panicked and I thought, ‘Well, if they’re going to be like that, I’m going to look into the private option.

And how do you want to deliver this time? What’s your preference?

Well, obviously, just pop it out and my husband will catch it [slight laugh]. I, yeah, I obviously I would love for it to be natural and be no problem, but I think I’m kind of’ I’ve been told off for being too negative, and you sort of tend to think that everything’s going to happen that happened the first time. And you think, oh, I’m probably going to end up having a caesarean anyway. You know, so’ it did sort of cross my mind to go for the, the planned option, but I’ve kind of decided to give it a go and see what happens.

Did you have any particular worries this time? I mean, obviously work out the way that you were going to deliver, but what are your concerns?

Well that’ the chances of it’ the wound rupturing’ was one thing. I guess, my, with what I’ve chosen, my worry is that I’ll give it a go and it’ll have a long traumatic labour and then still have to have an emergency caesarean. So you end up feeling a hell of a lot worse than I did last time.

Yeah. And, and have you talked about that with the midwife or the obstetrician, these worries?

Yeah, yeah.

And has that helped at all?

They just kind of say, ‘Don’t be so negative, which’ and, ‘Everybody’s different’, you know, ‘Every pregnancy’s different’,’ dah, dah, dah.

So how involved do you feel in the decision this time?

Well, I know it’s my choice, but because I’m so indecisive and I find it so hard I guess I’ve gone with, I’ve just gone with what they’ve advised really. So’ obviously, it’s my decision, but I’ve, yeah, I’ve gone along with what they’ve advised.

I want to have a natural delivery, I don’t want any interventions, I do not want any drugs, and I hope to deliver outside the hospital environment as much as I possibly can. This morning I’ve just had an appointment with the consultant in another hospital who said that I can go to a birth suite rather than coming into’ a ward to deliver.

Okay, that’s important for us to know. So it’s not just about avoiding interventions, it’s also about the whole medical environment’

Absolutely.

‘the ambience and everything?

It’s about the interventions and the being taken over, because. as you’re labeled as a VBAC theres interventions and monitoring and stuff. And I know that doesn’t help, and I believe that’s where I fell down in labour last time. I suppose one thing I didn’t mention, which I found very strong from my last labour, was that just as I was getting the epidural in, my husband was very, very supportive throughout the contractions, but just as I was getting the epidural in, the midwife just looked at me and visualised’ looked at me and sort of breathed me just helped me breathe through the contraction. And it was then after reflection I realised that actually I could have got through it because she got me through one of the worst contractions ever.

Right

And as a result of that I’ve actually employed a Doula to help me during labour as well.

And how do you feel now that the choice is becoming more of an imminent one?

Same, I’m just trying to go with the flow and see what happens.

Have you made a birth plan this time?

No! [laughs]. Although the midwife reminded me of that today. I had an appointment this morning with the midwife and she suggested I just take a look at, you know, maybe what I do and don’t want. Because obviously if everything starts off naturally then I need to decide about the pain relief and that sort of thing, so I will do, I will have a look at that. But what they’ I can’t do is have the birthing pool this time because they’d have to put the monitor on straightaway.

And how do you feel about that?

Well, a bit disappointed because I would have liked to have had that. ‘So I’ll have to think about the pain relief side and’

But again is staying active something that’s important to you this time?

It is although I don’t know whether I’ll be able to do that this time because I might have a monitor put on me’ depending on where I’m up to I’ll probably have a monitor put on me because of having a previous section.

And have you made a birth plan with this pregnancy?

Yes.

You were just saying then about the midwife coming to talk to you?

Yeah.

And what have you said in this birth plan?

Well, to be honest, first of all I was thinking, ‘What do I put?’ I’m going to have a baby, it’s like, ‘Okay’ mmm. But I mean you can really go in depth. I mean, if you want music and if you want different oils and all sorts of things like that, because I’m actually having reflexology as well.

Oh, lovely.

So [hesitation], it’s like that sort of side of it, did I want those in there, but the thing is because I’ve, I’ve had my son, I kind of know about the pains in my back and everything like that. To be honest, if I’m really in the throes of labour, I’m probably not going to want anyone to touch my feet so, you know…? But that option is there if I want it, so obviously I’ve sort of written about that. And, like I said, because of knowing that I’ve got labour pains in my back, I kind of have said, “Well if theres a chair I’d like to sort of maybe put my arms over the back of it then my partner can rub my back and'” I think it’s because obviously I’ve sort of been there and done that, I kind of know what to expect and, like I said, I’ve got more confidence to say, “Well yes, I would like that and I would like room to move and I would like this and that…”, you know?