I did find that the actual support side on catheters was quite limited. That when you go home I never had district nurse support, not that I felt I needed it but there would have been times, for example I got an infection one time and had to go back to the hospital, which is an hour’s drive away. There were times when it would have been useful to have had some additional support like that, so someone to call. But then I didn’t need someone every day to sort of help me change the bags or look after them. It was actually quite straightforward.

So where do you look for support? Have you got sort of family members that support you or is it more to do with friends and support groups?

I’m very lucky with my friends and my family. My Dad, every time, I mean it’s hard for family isn’t it and friends when you end up in hospital a lot. My Dad always makes light of it, and he writes great catheter poems to me, which are very entertaining and I’m sure he enjoys writing them. But I think he’s starting to run out of ideas.

You mentioned that, about once every three months, you go to a continence group, can you tell me a little bit about that?

Yes. Well it’s a mixture, there are men and there are women, mainly men. All in various stages of treatment and some of them much worse than I am because they have lots of other problems as well. I would say it’s a group that maybe ten or twelve go and usually, very often there’s a speaker, or one of the nurses will speak about something. And then a variety of subjects, mainly related, well they are related to urology one way or another. And then there’s always a chance to have a discussion and asking each other questions and we’re encouraged to do that. And I find that’s been very useful to me. I really would praise that very, very, very much. And now it’s been, I don’t know how long it’s been going now but two or three years I think.

You mentioned before we started the interview that you would have found that group really helpful right at the beginning?

Yes.

How has it been really helpful for you?

It has been very helpful, mainly through talking and chatting. And knowing that there’s nurses there and helpers there that are willing to talk and able to talk because they haven’t got, on that particular morning or afternoon, they haven’t got a ward to see to, a ward of patients. They can devote themselves to answering our questions. And of course it’s useful to talk with each other now. You get to know what sort of treatment, what sort of equipment different people are using. Yes, I find that’s been very, very useful. I would certainly urge anybody who’s new, you know, to go along to a meeting like that.

So that was quite soon that you met other people?

Yes, it was about five weeks, five and a half weeks after the injury that I could sit up. So as soon as you can sit up then you start to chat to people, it’s very nice. it’s quite hard, when you’re in bed, when you’re acutely injured, even if people come to see you in a wheelchair they’re just that bit too low. When you’re lying on your side looking at somebody who’s not quite at the right place it’s quite hard to see people. And when you see them sat upright, you think, Oh you look like that Totally different ideas when you see them laid down and in the chair. So that was really great as well.

How helpful was it to talk to other people in the same situation?

Massively. I think that was the best part. I mean obviously being in a spinal unit you’ve got specialist care. You’ve got people that know exactly what you’re going through and they’ve seen it hundreds of times before. So that was great, but actually having the people there who were around you, who’d done the same thing and are going through exactly the same thing, you just, I think we probably did about oh probably ten hours of therapy every day it felt like, nothing arranged just all sat in the dining room, day room, visitors room whatever you want to call it, talking about, the subject was always about, What I wa, and I used to be able to do this and I used to do that and I was this etc. it was a whole sort of phase, almost like mourning of all these things that you’ve lost. And trying to get to grips with how on earth you’re going to move forwards.

It was very nice occasionally to meet some people who were further down the line. So you got a little bit of perspective because it’s quite hard to know what on earth life’s going to be like really outside the hospital. And I stayed for a remarkably long time. I was there for a year and a half, so I think the longer it went on the more I was thinking, How do I How am I going to cope when I leave Whereas actually now I’ve been out for seven and a half years and if I have to go back for anything I think, Oh no, I don’t want to go back

I’ve never used a support group. I remember there was some psychological help and counselling service that was offered during the early stages. That was part of the specialist hospital. I didn’t, whether it was a personality issue, I didn’t find the person that was assigned to me particularly helpful or necessarily useful. I think some of the questions were a little bit strangely put. You’d be asked questions like, Do you feel, on a scale of 1 to 5, happy, not that happy And it was that kind of formulaic approach. It didn’t really do much for me, to be honest, and I found it a little bit frustrating to have to answer fairly inane and inept questions.

So certainly I think for me, trying to regain or maintain a normal and close interaction with friends and family was for me the best way. And obviously I did develop friendships with other people who were experiencing similar situations to me. You know, there were a lot of people of similar age who’d suffered similar accidents.

So I think chatting through the situation and shared experiences with them was important as well as trying to continue with your relationships with girlfriend, family, and friends. So I guess a combination of those.

Obviously there were as well some of the medical professionals, the nursing team, who certainly helped. But I think the most help is from people that know you best probably. So that was for me what worked. I guess it’s different, different things for different people.

You mentioned that you get support from the carers and information from the internet. Have you had any religious or spiritual faith at all that has helped you? Or it hasn’t really been relevant to you? Everybody’s situation is different.

Oh the relatives are there, specifically your close ones, you know your parents. I know my wife has been my biggest inspiration because she also got an injury but she has taken care of herself and she has taken care of my daughter. I am trying to reduce as many problems from my side as possible. I rarely tell her my problems so that, you know, but she is still living alone. Although she is taking care of our daughter, there is still no one to ask and share her problems.

Have you found your religious faith at all helpful?

Yes. I am very, very spiritual. I strongly believe in God, a very strong believer of God. Very strong believer in Karma, as you can see in my room. Whenever I’ve got any problems, all the answers to those problems lie in these sheets on the wall. All these quotes are from Gita, Bhagavad Gita. And all the problems, whenever some problem comes, the answer is in there. I don’t need to go anywhere. The answer lies exactly in there.

Even now, I always say thanks to God. I always say thanks to God for showing me so many things in my life. If I had got injured a few more years ago, then I might not have got a chance to visit all the different countries and see all the things, like meeting various dignitaries, staying in five star hotels, moving here and there. So all those things that God has shown me, I’m very, very thankful to God for whatever He has given to me.

Even this [spinal cord injury], I don’t have any complaints. it’s just a part of life, and it’s a different kind of life. And I feel that I’m privileged to get this life, this kind of life too because it’s very rare that people get this kind of experience. So, in one life itself, I have lived two or three lives, you know.

Do you come in every day?

Daughter’ Yeah.

What kind of help do you usually

Daughter’ Well I’m able to, I make your bed don’t I?

Gordon’ Yeah. Do my potatoes. Wash up.

Daughter’ Do your potatoes. If he’s not well, I’ll probably do him a bit of tea or something like that, bring him some clean clothes.

Gordon’ Does my washing and,

Daughter’ Make you a cup of tea, don’t I? Do his shopping for him.

Gordon’ Anything that wants doing, run around with the hoover, anything at all, you know.

Daughter’ But he does have a cleaner though, don’t you, he has a cleaner once a fortnight.

Gordon’ Once a fortnight for heavy cleaning. Yeah she comes,

And how about the garden?

Daughter’ He has a gardener.

Gordon’ I have a gardener. Yeah.

Daughter’ And he has someone that comes in on a,

Gordon’ On a Thursday

Daughter’ Thursday,

Gordon’ She gives me a shower.

Daughter’ So we manage.