I had no inclination whatsoever that it would come back with anything wrong, not for one second.

And to me it was just, well it was sort of like a bolt out of the blue for me when I got the letter. Because I was on my own at the time. My daughter was, it was the school summer holidays still and my daughter was away at my Mum’s. Because I was working and stuff and it was, just kind of felt like a bomb had dropped out of my world when I got the letter.

So what did you do when you got the letter? Did it also have a date that you had to go to a colposcopy clinic?

No it didn’t. They said I would get a letter from the hospital. Which I did. The letter was for, when I eventually got the letter I think it was for about a fortnight, two weeks later. I’m sure it was about two or three weeks later. It wasn’t, I didn’t have to wait very long.

And in that time, pardon me, well while I was off work at the same time, suffering unfortunately from depression. And that made me, the way I feel even worse.

I was really quite worried because it was just so close to the IVF treatment. And we’d been focusing such a lot on that happening. And then it just felt like how can something go wrong. We’ve been waiting for three years to get, to have this treatment and then it was out of their control so… That was worrying me more really you know.

So you went to talk to the GP. And he or she

She.

She told you that it was CIN3?

Yeah.

Had you ever heard of CIN3 before?

No.

No. So, did she explain it to you in a way that you understood and that you, you know, did you have any questions or did you feel alright?
Well I kind of understood that there were three levels that were pre-cancerous, and then after that you’re really onto cancerous cells and then the stages of cancer. So I kind of understood that, and she was very clear that it wasn’t cancer but that it needed to be treated.

End of October or some point in November I received a letter from the GP to say that the smear results had come back and there was some abnormalities there and they’d advised that I needed to go for a colposcopy. And sent me all the information about a colposcopy and how to make that appointment, which I did do.

That was the time when I first saw a word associated which was cancer, and pre-cancerous cells. And obviously the information leaflet I got was all about the CIN1, 2, 3 which is something I’d never come across before. Totally terrified when I just saw the word cancer, it was just like a mass panic.

But then the more people I spoke to about it, the more common I suppose it was. Everybody I spoke to had had some abnormalities and abnormal smear at some time. My sister, I didn’t even realised she’d had several abnormal smears. She’d had treatments for CIN1 and CIN2, so that happened.

I spoke to the nurse at the Gps surgery, who was amazing. I mean she really went above and beyond, because I was clearly quite distressed. And she told me about, she had quite a personal experience with CIN3 as well herself, and she didn’t have to tell me that. And it was so reassuring to speak to somebody whod been through it and was kind of saying, Look it sounds awful, but believe me, you know. This is the whole point of this process, so that we get it now. And so you don’t wait until you’ve got horrific symptoms, and we know it’s something terrible

So was it really reassuring to speak to not only a nurse, but somebody whod actually had it?

I think yeah. The best thing that I had was speaking to somebody, a medical professional who had had CIN3. Because they could answer both your questions, they could answer the kind of practical and personal and kind of emotional questions that you have with it.

I was barely eating at the time as well, and I did, my weight dropped quite a lot, which at any normal time I think, you know, would be fine. But obviously as a result of something like that, you know. And I think, so physically I found it quite hard to cope because I didn’t feel like eating at all, and kind of everything really was just focussed on whether I was going to be okay.

So the actual support side of it was really, really good, but again, unless you’re going through it, you don’t really feel like anyone else understands. And I found that quite frustrating that you feel like you’re on your own, and no-one does really understand. So that’s why websites like Jos Cervical Cancer Trust can be a lifesaver for kind of people going through it, because it gives you some solace in that you’re not alone. And people do understand and go through the same experiences.

Did you have to cope with other people’s worries and emotions as well? Like your Mum’s or husbands or

Personally, I didn’t have to really cope with other people’s worries because I think the natural reaction for the majority of people is to say positive things because no-one wants to believe obviously that it’s going to be something negative.

So everyone at work, and all my family and friends were very positive and reassured me all the way through that I would be fine. But again, in a more frustrating, it was kind of almost worse for people to say that, because I just wanted to shout sometimes, Well actually it might not be fine. You know, actually this could be really serious And I think again, unless you’ve been through that, that’s a difficult experience to explain to anyone.

I was called in and the doctor said to me, Basically we’ve called you in, your smear test’s come back from the lab, and it’s severely abnormal And then he said, To put it in perspective, basically, you can either have CIN1, CIN2, CIN3 He says, You’ve got, CIN3 is what your smear’s showing But he said, Normally with CIN3 you’d get a letter just asking you to go for a routine colposcopy he said, But they’ve deemed yours very severe, and they want to put you through a fast track clinic. They think it’s basically he said to me, We think you may have cancer There and then.

And this was like two days before Christmas, three days before Christmas and the thought of just, Oh my gosh You know, Oh dear I’ve never even thought that this could possibly happen to me. I’m too young

Had you been really healthy before this?

Yes. I’ve always ate healthy, I’ve exercised, and I used to go the gym you know quite a lot, and never ever had any problems before. And they kind of put me in a little room, and this lady came to talk to me, and they were really good actually the doctors, because I was really upset. And they said you know what would happen. They basically told me that I would be going for a colposcopy and I would probably have some biopsies taken. And that was that basically. And they booked me an appointment there and then, but with it being Christmas, my appointment was booked for 2nd January.

So I then rang my partner who came and collected me from the doctors. And we were just terrible, it was just, you know, awful. And I was just crying and didn’t know what to think. I was told not to Google, which I didn’t. I went home and just lay in the bath and then [my partner] came back and he had a look on the internet, and he said, Rach, it’s not that bad. A severe result is very treatable

I turned 25 in November 2008 and then I didn’t go for my smear test on my birthday, even though I got my letter. But it was my new year’s resolution, so I booked my smear test in the January. And then because obviously of the Jade Goody incident, it was quite hard to get an appointment. So I got an appointment for the first week of February and went for my smear test.

I was very scared initially because I was convinced I had something terrible. Even though I have had absolutely no symptoms whatsoever, and no really justified reason to think that. I just had a very bad feeling because of all the Jade Goody stuff. So then I went for my smear test and that was all absolutely fine. And then I went to India. And I kind of see this as a little bit of a dual thing, with the whole Jade Goody situation, that the day I got back from India, I had my letter from my doctors saying that I had severe dysplasia, and I needed to go back in.

So I’d been so panicked about it before I went on holiday. And I’d had this three week holiday and I’d just got back and I was just feeling better. And I found out that actually my gut feeling had been right. And so I had to go back into the doctors and as soon as I found out, it was literally 9 oclock in the morning, my first day back at work. And I’d just got back into work and I had the call, and then I had to leave again to go straight back to the doctors. And I was really upset. Because I just didn’t know quite how bad it was going to be. And so my Mum came down, like a little girl. And she came with me.

And so the nurse then said that they wanted to get me in as soon as possible for a colposcopy. And she was kind of emphasising, you know, that it was not cancer, it’s severe dysplasia.