I don’t know how many times she was sectioned. I’ve lost count of how many times she was sectioned. She was sectioned for stupid things. For example, one dreadful night, during the course of the day her social worker had been to see her and she told her didn’t want to see her. And she made the mistake of actually touching her arm. And that night, and it was a most filthy, awful day in November, and it was dark and I had six policemen in my house, two police cars with the lights going outside. A doctor, psychiatrist, social worker, all taking this tiny little girl away.

She said to the policeman, she was crying, and I was crying. She said, I’ve got to go to the toilet. So he said, we were all downstairs, so he said to her, Go on then. And he followed her up the stairs. So I thought I don’t think so, so I followed her up the stairs as well. And he said, Leave the door open. This is a 19 year old young woman. And she said, I’m not going then. So I said, Don’t be so stupid. To this policeman. I said, Shut the door, [name of daughter]. Anyway she opened the door two minutes later and she said, Mum. And I said, What’s the matter? She said, I’ve started my period. So I said, Okay. So I went into her bedroom, got what she needed etc. and handed it through.

By this time there were two policemen at the top of the stairs and I said, What do you think you’re doing? I said, Go downstairs, go downstairs and wait. I will bring my daughter down, when shes better, when shes sorted. So they started, Oh I don’t know, we will do I said, If you don’t go downstairs, I’ll throw you down, please yourself.

So they went downstairs and I said to [name of daughter], Shut the door, lock it, do whatever you need to do. Nobody will disturb you. I will stay on the stairs until you’re okay. She was still crying obviously. And I went downstairs and I said, This is enough. I said, I want you all out now, every single policeman in this house. Out. And I want one of those cars gone. And they took her to the unit in a police car

And did you know anything at all about, you know, mental health law or your rights in the hospital or those sorts of things?

No and there was none, there was none available at the time, you can go into hospital now and theres, you can get the information and I’ve learnt about the mental health act of ’83 and 2007 [inaudible speech] and health, my rights about being on a section and how a nurses holding powers and things like that, oh I’ve learnt all that.

And was [name of wife] ever held in a section?

Oh she was threatened, she was threatened that if she ever left the wards she would be brought back and put under section which they shouldn’t have done in the first place, they could even then, when she was being treated, they couldn’t say that that’s what they would do to her, yes a nurse has holding powers but the nurse could hold her there and the doctor could review that and have his holding power but you shouldn’t tell people if you leave I’m going to have you brought back on section.

And a part of that they were worried about her safety, but part of it was that they wanted to start a treatment of ECT and although my understanding is it’s not essential to be an inpatient to go through ECT, I think it helps and I think I think, you know, if somebody’s particularly ill or, not completely on board with the idea it helps. So that was why they wanted her to be there, and once shed been there for only two or three days and was kind of settled down a bit they started talking to her, to the two of us about it. And she was very reluctant as I’d expected, but also, partly because of the way in which she was ill she was very kind of resigned as well, and I think, I don’t think this was ever said to her. I don’t think it was the case, but she, she took what they were saying to mean, if you didn’t agree with the ECT that they would do it somehow compulsorily, somehow under a section. Which I mean I don’t know, but it wasn’t my understanding that they could do that. But that was what she thought. So she agreed to do it fairly reluctantly. But also I think in a kind of you know, just to an extent she didn’t really care, because of just how very depressed she was.

And I think the other thing which I sort of tried to emphasise is there was no consideration about why I’d ended up in the mental health system. You know, initially the reason why, you know, these things had happened, is this control thing about being manipulated, about being a force to sort of respond to my abuser, being sort of groomed, mentally scarred and I don’t think anyone at the time took that background into response of the whole procedure of ECT and it was like, to me, I’ve used the word abuse it like another, but a mental abuse. I mean you have that anyway with the physical and mental abuse of the childhood but it’s compounded by having, going through that whole procedure.

And it’s very difficult. I find it very difficult to move on from anything like that because it’s formed me as a person. I think because I was very young when it happened, it’s so embedded on my psyche, it’s like branded, and when you brand someone, that’s it, then it’s very difficult to actually, I think even with surgery, you’re always left with some kind of scar.

Oh no, it didn’t. That wasn’t the cause, that wasn’t the cause. It was just an effect that should have been linked to my past and was that actually suitable treatment for me? When you think about the physical part of it, it would very relate to what I’d been put through as a child, having been held down, whether is psychologically or physically, and being put in a position where by losing consciousness, I was having this treatment, and how would I respond and what were people doing to me

I kept running away from the hospital, because now I just knew that this treatment sounded horrific and I didn’t have, I did na want anything to do with it.

So then eventually they got a Court Order to say that they could give me treatment. My Mum had to sign papers to say that we could, that I could receive the treatment as well. Which I didn’t like because the relationship had broken down with my Mum, so in my eyes she shouldn’t have had any say in what my treatment was, or wasn’t going to be. Which was why I’m really glad now that named persons are available, because if I had, if I had to go through that again, it would have been a family that I was staying with at the time that would have made the decision for me, because they were people at the time that I trusted. And for a long time I felt that ECT was something that my Mum did to me, because we were nae getting on.

It’s not necessarily a fear of hospitals, is it? It’s a fear of being in a situation where I have no control. And I think as human beings we need to feel we have some sort of control over our destiny and what were going through. Okay sometimes you can’t, or it’s very difficult to make decisions for yourself and be able to follow through with them. But in a situation like that, where you sectioned under the Mental Health Act, it sort of strips you really of any power.

I mean when you think about it, psychiatrists in some ways have more power than the legal system. Because at least you can go to court and sort of present your case, but with the section. Though really if a psychiatrist has recommended it, then it’s very rare that you don’t get sectioned, and because you’re required to stay you can’t really put your point of view across. And it was all these past experiences and experience at the time, and subsequent sort of like reaction to it that’s just led to a mess, and I still feel theres a mess now. And theres ultimate fear that it will happen again because they’ve not, it still goes ahead. Even though I’ve asked and it’s on my well-being plan not to do it, and I just re-iterate theres other things in the well-being plan that are just railroaded. So will they rail road that.