The newspaper stuff’s kind of been like with the Roaccutane (isotretinoin) that was just stuff that like cropped up I didn’t necessarily go looking for that but it was kind of in a few headlines and stuff, that’s kind of where I saw that. But I’ve, I mean I’ve looked on like forums and stuff, there’s quite a lot of information there. Like I kind of feel like the-there are obviously like information websites, like NHS kind of set up or whatever. But the thing is I’ve tended to go towards it generally being like more experience-based so like I mean forums are good for that in the sense that we have a lot of people giving different perspectives of medication. And also I feel like sometimes their like account on the medication is a bit more candid than on other websites, so that’s kind of where I’ve gone to seek advice out.

I mean I’ve never posted before except for recently where I’m part of like this Facebook group which is like a self-care group, and I posted about if anybody had used Roaccutane cos that’s been the only one where I’ve really felt like I needed more answers like generally things have been quite like well set out. And I got, y-you know, some really helpful responses, like really different experiences which is always really useful because I wouldn’t wanna, I-I’d rather go into something like aware of kind of all experiences rather than kind of having like maybe like a party line or whatever.

Could you say a bit more about what you mentioned a moment ago about not being able to squeeze out the spots?

Oh yeah. Because like my friend told me that like yeah because like basically like when we were teenagers we usually talked about this stuff cos like people experience the same thing and then like we all share information about it. And yeah my friends told me that you’re not able to squeeze out the spots because they leave scars on it. And then your, like your skin will be like, like dented or something like that. Yeah and they also say like there’s like laser treatment for acne and stuff. Yeah. I don’t know much about it but I have heard of it and I have heard that my friend wants to go there so.

I have looked at some pictures before about acne, making sure, if, in what kind, I wanted to know in kind of what category I was basically, if I had like severe, very severe acne or if there were, if there were people that had even worse spots than I had. And I think I was kind of in the middle, so I wasn’t the worst case. I’ve seen pictures of people whose entire backs are covered and then I felt very sorry for them and, yeah, those were very bad pictures to see. And then, strangely enough, that makes me feel a little bit less, you know, oh wow, I have so many spots, if you, you know, what there is out there. I didn’t really, I’d get, I, from the skin treatment I did get some leaflets about acne itself, a little bit more but I didn’t really look into it that much myself, no.

When you were looking online, was there anything that you were searching for that you weren’t really able to find or you weren’t coming across certain information?

I think, I guess people’s experiences, like in a more kind of organised and explicit way maybe. I think especially for Roaccutane (isotretinoin) it would have been good to have like who’s like, who’s experienced this, who’s experienced this out of the amount of people that have done it or, who hasn’t had this and had a really positive experience like in one kind of place, cos I sort of, I’d find one article which was terrible and then maybe just one person saying, “Oh yeah, I went on it.” I just find it a bit unclear, like very mixed and yeh.

And was that something that you were able to speak to your dermatologist about to sort of find out, in their experience, how many people or?

I did ask but I think, cos they didn’t really know as well, I think that, they said what their experiences were and they said like obviously some people might experience this and some people won’t but I don’t feel that necessarily made me feel any clearer so.

Yeh. So you wanted more like hard sort of statistics?

Yeah I just wanted to like kind of wanted to talk to like a whole crowd of people that had been through it and this half could say like I experienced this and whereas just speaking to one person sometimes is not very helpful cos it’s quite limited.

I’ve never really felt the need to look for more, well, support networks for acne online. So I’ve avoided that and honestly every time, you know, every so often when I am feeling particularly blue I have looked for those kind of websites and they just made me feel worse because you get all of these people talking about how acne has ruined their lives and how they don’t feel that they can go out. And you’re, Oh god, I went out yesterday, does that mean I should be really embarrassed about going out?’ [Laugh] As I said earlier I have used sources like acne forums to check out potential products, though again as I’ve said, I would be, I am wary of taking those sources of advice too seriously. Partly because of the risk that companies may be employing people to, you know, pollinate them. Partly also just because you get very little information: a) how well informed a lot of the posters are but; b) how, what their, how their skin condition compares to yours and it could be a very different situation. And you don’t get a sense of that online. So when I’ve been doing research, the sources I have trusted most have been those run by the public sector in some capacity. Or academic sources. Though that is, that’s the literature I’d look at now. It’s not a literature I would have looked at when I was younger and trying to work it out how to deal with my skin.

It was just, it was just a combination of things really. I tended to just sort of search and see what I, see what sites came up for my various things, you know. Sort of what’s good for scarring or what’s good for, you know, dryness, things like that. I remember going through on the Boot’s website of various things, looking at the little review section, seeing what people said about it. Yahoo Answers were sometimes helpful, sometimes not, yeah.

Was there any information that you were looking for that you weren’t really able to find online in the searches?

I don’t know. It was sort of, the stuff I was missing I suppose was kind of actual people, cos online it’s all quite, I don’t know, it’s quite anonymous. And there’s people telling their stories but you don’t really know their back stories or how, like whether it’s worked long term and things like that, yeah. So I didn’t really know anyone particularly that had very bad skin or that, or knew and wanted to talk about it. So I tried, I sort of kept on, obviously it’s quite obvious when anyone looks at you, but I didn’t really talk about it in, sort of at school or with my family especially, yeah.

And so with the, like the reviews of products and like the answers that people gave, did you feel like it wasn’t enough information and not opportunities to ask?

Yeah, well, like they’re useful for sort of a little snapshot of what something’s like. But obviously you don’t really know what that person’s skin is like or what general sort of lifestyle they have or anything like that. So it is, it’s useful but it’s just, it’s only a really small fragment of a bigger picture.

I suppose it was more just browsing. I was sort of looking at, particularly when I was looking at online support groups in the time that I was taking Roaccutane (isotretinoin) to try and understand sort of the process of how long it took to make improvements and how to spot side-effects and things like that. And also with the scarring to try and find out what other people were sort of suffering the same sort of things. And, you know, how they felt about sort of having it on show and the interactions they’d have with other people.

And did you ever sort of post anything about yourself or was it mostly sort of reading the comments?

I think mainly it was just reading the comments. I don’t think I was ever really sure about posting about myself. Yeah, it would probably be something like, with this now, that I would do, looking back on it but at the time, I didn’t really feel like it. I didn’t feel.

Was there anything that you felt was missing or lacking or could have been better in some way?

I don’t know really. I’m not sure about the online websites because I can’t entirely remember. I guess in terms of the treatment that the dermatologist and the GP perhaps they could have maybe suggested some more sort of support sites or groups. I don’t know if they, like support groups, particularly exist but I remember sitting in like waiting rooms and for a lot of other skin conditions, they were like, you know, you can talk to these people and that sort of person’ and there wasn’t really that for acne. So, yeah.

If that had of been available, what sort of kind of things do you think it might have been beneficial for you?

I think just for maybe just more about confidence and speaking to other people about their sort of social experiences. Because I was always worried what people might think about me and, you know, if someone else had sort of had the conversation with those people and, you know, then I might have felt more sort of that people actually didn’t notice or they accepted it more.

To be honest with that, not really. There wasn’t really anything like that I’m guessing or I don’t know, I don’t think I was interested in counselling groups about it. Probably, I have no idea if they even had that option. So, I don’t really know.

So, you wouldn’t have liked it or you would have liked it?

I think during that time, I wouldn’t have liked it. At that time I wouldn’t have liked it all probably. So, yeah, I think I would have thought it was embarrassing. So now I don’t really care. If someone says there is a website, I will probably check it out. And if I do know something that works, I will probably post it because I don’t really care nowadays.

But that time, it would have been awkward. Probably would have been embarrassing.

I had quite a lot of support because my twin sister also had acne so it was quite easy to talk to her about it and we could have good chats about, you know, it being difficult. And practically as well, like we’d try different things. And, and I think we’d understand what each other were going through. And I think we also, you can understand what’s going to help as well. So it’s not just a case of, of telling someone, Oh no, you look fine. Like it’s actually like listening to them, and letting, like I’d let her talk about how she felt. And not just try and say, Oh, you look pretty, we’ll just move it on. But actually say, you know, How does this make you feel? And listening to her was really good. And I don’t think it was really until I came to uni that I found other people who’d also had quite severe acne and talking to them about it was really helpful. And really good. And part of like the emotional healing process, and not just the physical healing process. In South Africa I found it quite hard because I was very much the only one that was having really difficult, yeah, really problematic skin. A lot of the other girls had very, very clear skin. And because they were a little bit older as well I think that a lot of them had gone through the phases of having spots and then had really good skin. And I think there was probably a lack of understanding in how it was making me feel. I think a lot of people think that they can just say, Oh, you look fine. And then they can-. Because they move on from that conversation, I think they assume that you’ve moved on from feeling that way [laugh]. Which obviously you don’t. And I think just with how it was really difficult with the children as well, and working with them. Just feeling like very exposed. I think people just didn’t really appreciate that that was the case, and I felt a bit- I felt kind of bad saying that I felt that way cos a lot of people might have thought that was a bit selfish and that I should just kind of get on with things. But I had one, I had one friend who was really good and just really lovely, and always had something to say that was really positive. And kind of helped my confidence. And when I used to say to her that I wasn’t sure that I could kind of keep doing things, and I’d say, I don’t really feel like strong enough to face the world. And she’d be like, No, you’re, you know you’re strong anyway. And that was really good. She was really a support.

Yeah, well I was quite fortunate that a neighbour of mine was a beautician and so she knew quite a bit about what products were quite good to use on my skin and what would possibly cause breakouts and she was very nice to me. Like when I was about 17, she sort of like, we had a day and she sort of gave me the skin care routine I use now and she sort of recommended those products. I use the same brand for some anti-blemish like foundation if I put make-up on. and also very careful to get it all off in the evenings and things. It makes the make-up quite expensive [laughs] but it’d definitely be worth it.