Depression and transitions to adulthood
The years between eighteen and thirty mark a time of transition from adolescence into fully-fledged adulthood. These are, as Kate put it, the years when people try to become ‘an entire human being, an adult person responsible for herself.’ People we interviewed described how this transition was influenced by their depression. They described how many of its stages – such as leaving school or home – unfolded.
People’s experiences with the transition to adulthood were diverse. Broadly speaking, however, people found that depression made growing up harder, that growing up made depression easier, or both.
Joey feels that his depression is largely the result of missing the memo on how to be an adult.
Sierra Rose says that growing a bit older has given her the perspective to realize that everything is temporary, including the worst parts of her depression.
People described many ways that depression made growing up more difficult. As Sam put it, ‘having depression has definitely thrown wrenches in the works of my stumbling entrances into adult life.’ Sierra Rose noted ‘ the growing up and the pressures and the way everything is set up now, it’s hard.’
For those whose depression began in childhood, it can be challenging to develop an identity apart from depression or to find a purposeful path forward. Leanna said depression has ‘molded my identity by kind of preventing me from doing a lot of things that I really wanted to do the depression held me back[and] robbed my life.’ When Mara thinks about her life, she wonders how much of her personality ‘ is me and how much of that was influenced and conditioned by this disease.'
Devin feels depression has left a shroud of darkness around him, making it hard to know who he is or what he wants to do in life.
Pete says depression has stunted his personal growth.
Whitney says growing up makes her nervous because depression makes it hard to live up to expectations of normal life.
Jobs or career are one specific part of growing up that depression can make more difficult. As Elizabeth put it, one of her negative thought patterns was ‘ if I didn’t do well in school how could I go on to have a career? How can I support myself? My life was worthless.’ Whitney ‘shuts down’ when she starts wondering how she can find work and live on her own. (See ‘Depression and work‘ for a full exploration of this topic.)
People we interviewed who have children described mixed experiences with parenthood. A few people who struggled not only with depression but also with substance abuse and other issues had lost custody of their children – and found this loss, in turn, made ‘depression even worse.’ Whitney, for example, says not having custody of her daughter makes her feel like she is not ‘normal like everybody else’ she knows who have spouses, jobs, and education. In contrast, Sara and Violet described parenthood as a life-changing event that motivated them to (in Sara’s words) ‘get myself better for her sake’ and become the best mother possible.
Violet’s devotion to her daughter has repeatedly motivated her to change her life for the better and address her depression.
Casey doesn’t want his future children to suffer depression, but at the same time he wants to affirm the value of his own life by remaining open to parenthood.
A number of people talked about how changes in their support networks affected their depression as they progressed towards adulthood. Shayne says she wished she had known earlier that depression would be an increasing challenge as she ‘move[d] away from really strong support systems [to] become an adult.’ One person described her depression worsening when she went away to college and no longer had the same level of contact with her boyfriend from home.
Depression makes the risks of adult life feel more vivid to Sierra Rose.
Early depression can enrich adulthood
Several people described how depression in childhood enriched their lives as they grew to adulthood. Jeremy, for example, said he is happy that difficult experiences early in life provided a ‘trial run’ so that when ‘stuff gets real as you get older’ he knew ‘how to deal with it [or be] aware enough of my emotions.’ Sam talked about how valuable it has been both for healing his depression and for life in general to gain ‘the ability to assess what’s going on both on and under the surface of my mind and make healthy choices about how to deal with and navigate them.’ A number of people we interviewed described how depression had made them more mindful about their relationships with others, and more capable of nurturing healthy connections.
See also ‘Depression and strategies for everyday life‘, ‘The positive sides of depression‘ and ‘Building relationships that work when depressed‘.’
Growing up can make depression easier
For many people, growing out of adolescence and into new phases of life helped loosen depression’s hold. A number of young adults described how getting a driver’s license, moving out of their parents’ home, earning their own money, making their own decisions about meds, and generally being less ‘at the whim of other people’ helped lessen their depression. As Casey put it, ‘as I got older I got better at dealing with things I’m a 22-year-old adult, I’m gonna go on a drive because I’m feeling sad today.’
Other people talked about how the emotional maturity and perspective they gained as they grew lightened the burden of depression. For some, this meant gaining the ability to better withstand peer pressure or being judged by others: in Nadina’s words, ‘people are not the ultimate, you know, go to person like people have their own opinion, their own ideas about certain things, but I just had to realizeI really need to listen more to myself because there have been things that have almost like destroyed me.’ Others talked about how some aspects of depression just ‘cleared up’ as they matured and they gained more perspective, maturity, and sound judgment.
Jacob says as he grew up his brain matured and he got better at managing his depression.
As Brendan moves into adulthood, he values the ability to work effectively around his depression so it isn’t so disruptive.
Sam says he will probably have symptoms of depression his whole life, but is learning to process them better with time.
Adulthood and transitions
Transitions of any kind were described by many people we spoke to as a significant ‘trigger’ for depression. As Sally put it, ‘transition was always my issue.’ Because the path from adolescence to adulthood is marked by significant transitions, it can be particularly tricky to navigate. Some of the transitions people describes included new living situations, moves into and out of school, attachments to new people, and the assumption of new responsibilities. Many of these transitions and their associated hopes and disappointments are explored in other parts of the website referred to at the bottom of this page. Here, we focus on the transition out of college and into the world of work, which was a significant passage for the subset of those we interviewed who attended and graduated from college. See also ‘Depression and school‘.
People had mixed experiences of the transition out of college, some of which had lasting impact. Sally and Elizabeth, for example, both struggled mightily with the transition period itself, sinking into deep depression while job hunting. Once they found employment, however, things improved: as Elizabeth put it, working is ‘really positive, it makes me feel accomplished, I’m good at what I do [and] I love what I do.’ Joey had a very different experience after college, because he didn’t feel that his life continued to progress in a useful way.
Joey says his depression is connected to feeling he was not doing what an adult should be doing after graduating from college.
A number of people talked about accepting the possibility that depression will remain part of life – though maybe in a milder form – as a crucial part of embracing adulthood. Natasha summarized it this way: ‘I think since I am coming into adulthood it’s becoming something that is an aspect of my personality, this is something that I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life presumably, and sort of like accepting that and being okay with it’ is key. Some people emphasized that it felt important to make peace with their childhood, even if it involved abuse or neglect, in order to move on (despite the legacy of depression) and become a grown up. A couple of people felt the question of whether depression would remain part of life for them remains open, and talked about what it takes to deal with that uncertainty.
Casey would like to know if he will keep experiencing depression, but figures he had better be prepared either way.
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