When I was just hitting puberty, that’s when he was like, Oh you’re a bit on the big side, but don’t worry about it ‘cos you know, you’re hitting puberty now, so it’ll probably come off in time.

And then, I remember leaving and me and Mum joking about it, and she was like, Oh don’t worry. They don’t understand, you know, it’s genetics, and our family is like that. So they can’t measure you with another girl your age, and, you know, they couldn’t measure you in the same way, because, our family is very different, and whereas, and it’s true ‘cos my, well I don’t think it’s all true, I think obviously I was just eating too much.

And how did you find them- dietitians, what was their attitude like I suppose?

I guess their attitude was pretty much the same every since I really seen them. You know. Like especially the last time the dietitian that I saw wasn’t particularly thin and she kind of went, I don’t know if I should be doing this job You know. And they do, they do try to make light of it. And you know it’s not always just, You need to lose weight, do it now You know it’s not like that.

they’re just there to offer a bit of support and advice. So you can look at things in like a different view.

But yeah. I guess the dietitians have always you know they’ve never been really nasty to me. They’ve never said anything that’s offended me. And they’ve always just tried to make things light and keep things relatively casual. So it wasn’t like too much of a major hoohah really.

And does she give you diet sheets?

Loz Yeah.

Yeah.

Loz Like with a pie chart on it like for show which foods I should have instead of junk, like fats and sugars and all that.

Lozs nan’ She’s trying to get her to change one thing at a time each time we go, so she’s gotta make one change.

And how often does she go along?

Loz [Sighs].

Lozs nan’ Roughly about once every three months at the minute.

Okay.

Loz once every four months.

And is it easy to make those changes that she asks you to do?

Loz Yeah.

Yeah?Oh well that’s good. What makes it easy do you think?

Loz My Nan stopping me.

Said don’t go in the shops.

And was counselling, did you find counselling helpful?

Absolutely. It changed my life completely. I learnt to talk about everything thatI needed to talk about, and some days we would just go in, I had an hour session every week, sometimes it would just be like talking about what I did today, absolutely nothing about my feelings at all, it was just Me time’ for a whole hour. And some days I’d sit there, I’d just cry, sometimes we’d sit there and just listen to music or whatever, and it was really important for me to get to know me and, you know, I really developed myself through that whole year. And I really, I do miss it, but now I realise that that’s the thing that changed me for the better.

Because I had someone to talk to which I never did before.

And how do you think it changed you for the better?

Well I learnt to talk to everyone, like I wouldn’t be able to sit here and talk to you now unless I’d been there, oh, what else, I have spoken to my Dad, I never used to talk to him about it all, but now I can sit there and I can speak to him, I say, This is how I’m feeling, this is how I want you to deal with it, ad this is how you should be feeling right now if you are my Dad And he’s learnt that, he’s taken that on board now there’s a lot more like compassion between us, like it’s really cool, like I can sit and speak to him if I need to. Whereas I wouldn’t even sit in the same room as him alone like three, four years ago.

My relationship with my boyfriend is a lot better now. Like, I can open up to him a lot more. When we started dating I was like really secretive and depressive all the time. And now we just have so much fun, it’s fabulous. We’re coming up to our three year anniversary next week so that’s brilliant. So I’ve learnt to love me and I’ve learnt to love him as well which is good.

I was not interested in boys, I was not interested in make-up, or high heels, or trying to get into clubs when we’re only 15 years old.

I was just; I had a completely different outlook on life. I just wanted to get somewhere with my life and prove everyone wrong that, you know, a fat person can actually do something good to the world. Like my motto, ever since I changed and ever since I’ve been to counselling was, I will change this world, I will do something that is gonna make me be remembered

Recently I took something quite extreme with my diet, I did total food replacement thing, which was a bit, it was recommended by the doctor, because she can understand that I’d been, I’d tried everything else and put my effort into it, and I mean to lose a bit to start and then slowly put it back again, endup heavierwhich is very demoralising, and so I decided to try a bit of drastic action, which is of course supported by the pharmacy, so it was all safe, and I managed to lose about, just under two and a half stone in a month, which is very good. It’s not something I could do very often though because it’s so difficult, but in some ways it’s easier saying no to everything than no to, no to most things. So I mean you don’t have to, you have the, Oh, it’s not, I can eat that, I can’t eat that. It’s a, I can’t eat anything. Unless it’s a drink of water.

What was it called again?

Lipotrim.

Lipotrim, okay. So that was a meal substitute?

Yeah it was a total food replacement, replacement course, on a diet. That’s when it had sachets of milk shakes which are made up by the pharmacy, and so it contains everything that I needed in a day, all the calories just without any, without a large amount of calories.

And so it’s it kind of it took away the option of eating, so I wasn’t allowed, so I had two shakes a day, and that then, that was that was it.

And, but tons and tons of water.

And those shakes contained all the protein, carbohydrate minerals, and all that kind of thing that I need, and that we get in food, but they just didn’t have the sugar, the sugar, the fat or the calories.

And so although being incredibly drastic it was very well controlled. I went into see them every week and so it wasn’t, it wasn’t just, Here you go, have this. And go at it, it was very well controlled, because otherwise I wouldn’t have done it, because it’s it was so hard to do.

Because it’s so, ‘cos I wouldn’t say no to everything and I could only manage a month before I decided I’m going to step off the bandwagon before I end up cheating. But you’re under a process called Ketosis when you’re body starts eating itself instead of eating food, which although it sounds horrible it’s what you need, and that’s when the weight comes off, and you don’t feel hungry which is quite surprising.

And how soon does your body enter that phase?

It varies because, but for me it’s about a week, and so you get a week of feeling, I’m really hungry, and that’s the hard, that’s the horrible thing because all it takes is one chip and you come out of ketosis, and you have to do that week again.

And that’s a, that’s such motivation not to cheat. Because it’s like, Do I really want to go through that again? No.

It hasbeen one long journey. It’s not been, ah this is fun you know? I knew what I were gonna go through, I watched all the shows I could, I went on all the internet sites I could, spoke to a lot of people from England and America, I did the lot, just to make sure that I were fully aware of what I were doing and, but at my age I mean, it’s summat really, really, really scary. Summat, it wasn’t summat I thought I’d have to go through but it’s done now, can’t go back.

So what were the, tell me what were the reasons against doing it. And what were the reasons for doing it, from your perspective?

The reasons against it is having all the problems my Dad had, like I was I was scared in case it bust open, in case I didn’t wake up from the op. And the pain. But on the good side, well my nephew, that were, I’m a career girl, I really wanted it for that, and also because I wanted to better my life, and I mean to, if I could better my life by going through with it, and actually achieving losing some weight, then I mean like, put it this way, 14 weeks ago I wouldn’t be doing this.

Really?

I wouldn’t be doing it, my confidence has just gone up, I mean I didn’t even go back to college and then I’m three week into it now, I’m back there, I’ve got my head held high, couldn’t care less what anybody’s got to say. I’m sitting outside at break, I’m eating outside, I couldn’t care.

I’m not that little kid hiding hiding in the corner, and like that’s just 14 weeks into it.

And like I’ve already, like it feels like I’ve changed so much already, but there has been a lot of problems like I stopped breathing, I couldn’t breathe after my op, I’ve been back in since ‘cos I couldn’t keep things down, but it’s a journey that you go through and you begin to think, well this is gonna be expected, you know?

I mean, it’s made me more mature and more wise about life and like. If I could help anybody else whos thinking of it [gastric band surgery] at my age, then I know what I could say well, you know, in a way it’s helped me but it’s not for everybody, you’ve really got to research it before you actually go and do it because it’s not summat you can just think oh right, say Oh I’m gonna have that done. You know, you can’t think like that, you’ve gotta really put your head into it, and do that research, ‘cos you if you go in, I mean my Dad, for example, he did not know what he were going in for. And basically when he came out of it, it were like a shock because I mean, yeah he knew what it entailed but he didn’t know fully. Whereas I knew what were gonna happen in surgery ‘cos I’m that gory I had to watch it, ‘cos I knew all about, I knew the after effects.

Because they, I’m not being nasty to everybody but, but not a lot of people are mature enough. They’re not fully aware of what they’re going to be putting their body through, I mean, 17, I still think that I were fully mature enough, but, I knew because I’ve always seen myself as more of an adult than a teenager that I did have the maturity and because I did was, because I were actually watching the programmes and everything, ‘cos of I knew what my Dad had been through, that really helped me so, what I would say to anybody is if you’re thinking about it, just really doyour research first.

And go to appointments because otherwise you’re just gonna be putting yourself in for a big shock. ‘Cos you don’t actually realise how much pain you’re putting yourself through. I mean because like I couldn’t move for 5 days, couldn’t get out of bed, nothing. Like lifting my head up off the bed was a trial for me. It, I mean you always felt like you were going to pass out, didn’t feel comfortable at all.

Gemma: I can’t eat meat. I, well I can eat lamb but any other meat I’ll be sick. So I can’t eat that, I can hardly eat bread, pasta I can eat a bit, but too much and then you’re sick, so basically now if you go, if you go too overboard, or if summat, or it if don’t agree with you you will get this big almighty pain like someone’s just punched you right in your stomach, and then you’re sick.

Eleven tablets a day?

Gemma’s mum: Yeah.

And what are those tablets for?

Gemma’s mum: There’s Calcogen which is calcium, twice a day. There’s an anti-acid tablet twice a day, ‘cos she kept being sick there’s a sickness tablet three times a day, there’s a multivitamin once a day, she has iron three times a day, and she also has zinc once a day.

And do you have to take those because of the op?

Gemma’s mum: Yes, ‘cos basically, ‘cos they’ve bypassed her small intestine and her large, and her bowel, it don’t absorb all the nutrients. So you’ve got to have more vitamins and all that, but they’ve also told her as well that if she plans to get pregnant she’s got to let ‘em know ‘cos she’ll need double the vitamins and calcium ‘cos the baby’ll take everything.‘Cos it’s like robbing you from all your goodness. So if you don’t get them from your food, you’ve got to get them from supplement, and you need them at double strength so. That’s only the lasses, ‘cos like she has iron three times a day, he only has it once, so I think it’s ‘cos she’s a girl. He only has one lot of iron, she has three.