It was a kind of sense of we’ll start you on this.

Right.

And see how you go, this was a kind of light dose and she was quite cautious about it and said, you know, I want to see you in two weeks and see how you’re getting on and I want to do this and I felt, because in that segment of time I saw the same person and I felt that she was quite she was quite good she sort of, what I appreciated was that she didn’t pretend to know things she didn’t know and it was unreasonable to expect GP’s to be experts in everything, she said look, you know, this isn’t, I don’t know, I’m not sure how she phrased it but she didn’t try and, she made a conversation about my kind of situation which was appreciated and so she was quite good at kind of saying I want to see you here and I want to see you then.

He was very good about repeat prescriptions and things, he’d give me, you know, between three and six months’ supply and say just come back to me when you need a repeat and we’ll check that everything’s okay and that worked quite well. I mean during that time I did move cities twice, I moved from where I lived in University back to where my parents live and again when, when I ran out of repeat prescriptions I found a GP there, who was also very helpful, and yep continued reviewing that with me.

I can just phone and get a repeat prescription now but she’s said to me ever since the beginning if I need to talk to her I can just phone her and she’ll phone me back or they told me I can phone the surgery and another GP will talk to me because they’ve got all my history there anyway and probably about every three or four months now I go and see her just for like a general check.

And you talked about going for a review then you, do you go to see the GP, how regularly now just to check out how you are?

Well I go every month to get my new prescription.

So it’s not on a repeat, you actually go?

Yeah to get a sick note, every couple of months they go through a questionnaire with me.

What’s the questionnaire?

It’s sort of asks me how I’m feeling it’s kind of like how many times or how often do you feel hopeless, so it’s like every day, every other day, once a week or never.

How helpful is that, something like that for you to fill out one of those questionnaires?

I would like to see that I’m improving but I haven’t seen that I am at the moment. I’m constant, I’m consistent with my replies and maybe I’ll be due to do it the next time in like three weeks and I would hope then that I am feeling a little bit more hopeful about things.

You’ve been on the antidepressants for about four months now?

Yeah.

And has it remained at the same dose, has the doctor suggested increasing it or changing it at all in any way?

Well I think the last time he had suggested that we increased it because, you know, I didn’t really, he obviously didn’t feel like we were getting anywhere with my symptoms changing but I said I didn’t want to.

What was your reasons, feelings about that?

Obviously I’m worried that I might get more side effects from the medication if I increase it and I don’t feel I want to be that dependent on the medication.

So you stayed on the same dose?

Yeah.

And is that something that you might think about again if things don’t improve or are you really sure that you don’t want to do that?

Because it was my decision this time I suppose if I go back for a review and the doctor impresses to me that we really need to change your dosage then I would accept his guidance on that.

It sounds like you also like to be in control and help make those decisions yourself?

Yeah. So I’m hoping if I can stay on the smaller dosage and get some benefit from the counselling rather than keep increasing my medication.

You say that you go back to your GP for regular reviews, do you do you go every month or how often do you do that?

Every two months at the moment so I’m due in about three weeks.

So you get a repeat prescription for the six weeks?

Yes.

Or eight weeks and then go back to get the new one and talk about?

Yes.

Right. And so is that a good opportunity to talk about anything that you need to in terms of your, you know, how you’re feeling as well about the medication?

I tend to try and get the last possible appointment because that way you can actually have the longer chat if need be. and the doctor s very good at that, I think they understand that sometimes the ten minutes allowed for the appointment isn’t long enough so I do tend to aim for the 6 o’ clock one if possible.

So it doesn’t matter if you overrun a bit?

Well she might mind the fact that I’m keeping her late, I don’t know but I think it’s better for me that were not rushing things.

When you’re not seeing the same person they can’t tell whether there’s any change in you or, you know, if I was seeing the same doctor and they would say Oh well you look like you’re having a good day today,’ or How are you feeling you look a bit chirpier,’ or Oh look you’ve bothered to put some make up on today. But you see, when you see a different doctor they don’t see that so it would have probably been beneficial to see the same person so they could have ,maybe said to me, you know, Well you seem to be pulling yourself together’ and How have you managed to do that?.

I think it would help to see the same person. And I know they could see hundreds of people in that period so they mightn’t necessarily remember you but I would hope that if they did they would be able to see whether you were worse than when you’d previously been in or whether you were a little bit improved.

Do they tend to, you know, have notes that they look at before you’ve been in the room or do you find that they just kind of on the spot and asking you questions?

They do have your records on the computer, I mean gone are the days of written doctors notes now it’s all on the computer but again it depends, you know, if the previous doctors typed anything up.

Whether it’s just a note of what you’re taking or more about how you’re feeling that sort of thing.

Yeah so, you know, I suppose that’s why they sit there and say well, you know, how are you feeling or do you think you’ve improved or. And I kind of want them to tell me if they think I’ve improved or moved on, it is very impersonal. I mean I appreciate the setup of GP’s surgeries and stuff like that and resources and, but you kind of want a little bit more when you are poorly or when, you know the fact that I feel like I’m waiting that long to see the counsellor and God forbid I was of a lesser constitution I could have thrown myself off the bridge by now because I could have thought nobody wants to help me.

I haven’t seen my GP for a couple of months well I’ve seen my GP about my migraine actually but not specifically about this. basically he said come back whenever you want and I’ll be more than happy to see you, if you get on with it okay, you feel you’re getting on with it okay, do that but at some point in the future there will have to be a review.

So you are on a repeat prescription?

I’m on a repeat prescription now so they know that I’m taking tablets, I haven’t gone back and said I think it’s time for that review.

Just slightly wary about that it sounds like.

I am a bit but I think, whilst they’re happy to keep with the repeat prescription without seeing me I’m happy to just stay on the tablets but I think after the summer I will go back and have an appointment just to talk about how I’m doing just so he knows and that they don’t forget me. I don’t think they have forgotten me.

I suppose that’s an opportunity to talk about your concerns about how long to be on them for?

Yes absolutely and he said a lot of people who go on come off too quickly and then they end up going back on again. So he said just see how you get on and of course and in due course, I don’t think it’s the case but I do think that like getting them on repeat prescription, because in my mind I’m thinking he’s conscious of who I am at least and maybe thinking oh yes it’s that guy who came in.

I would ask people to keep revisiting that with people they’re prescribing to and really try and motivate people to have some kind of talking therapy as well because I think otherwise you are just treating the symptoms and not helping people really move on, you know so just push that message really because it is very easy to dole out medication to people who are willing to, very happily willing to take them. But you know I think people should have regular reviews and that should include you know, where they are with talking therapies. A little bit of me would say that, you know, should consider refusing to prescribe people unless they’re open to that, it’s a bit harsh but you know I do think it would be criminal just to give someone antidepressants for ten years, medicating just, you know for ten years, twenty years and then not try anything other than medication.

I called him because I wasn’t, he only gave me a month’s prescription to start off with and then so I took the month and then I actually didn’t take them for a week and then I thought, oh sorry then I had an appointment to talk to the counsellor and I said to her, I said Look I’ve ran out of these,’ he didn’t call me or do anything in the meantime which that’s interesting considering they know you’re meant to be on them for six months. You very much have to do it yourself otherwise it doesn’t happen yes that’s very true. But yes so she said to me, I said Look I’ve ran out of them’ she said, Are you on any medication?’ I said I was but kind of my course ran out about a month ago. She said What are you taking?’ I said citalopram,’ she said No you’re meant to be on that for six months,’ I was like Oh, oh I’d better go and get some more then. so then I called my doctor, my doctor called me back rather than having to have an appointment and I said Look I don’t understand, my therapist just, well not my therapist, my counsellor has just said that I should be on these for six months,’ and he said Oh yes you should be on, you should be on a repeat prescription,’ and then he said It would be ready for you later on today if you want to come and pick it up,’ so I never even saw him I just went in and picked it up.

My GP then actually was brilliant in terms of, because I was only being given a weekly, I was on weekly prescriptions because my psychiatrist, because obviously she knew I was suicidal and because I’d tried to kill myself she didn’t trust me with, which is quite common they don’t often trust you with more than

Had that being an overdose type of thing?

Yeah, they, they often don’t trust you with more than a week’s worth of medication and my GP was brilliant because she would leave out repeat prescriptions but she would never let a month go by without seeing me, so on the last one she would always leave a little note saying please make an appointment for your next prescription is due which was great because it was just someone to kind of keep in touch with and kind of someone saying are you okay’, you know, is everything going okay?. Because obviously your psychiatrist is there but you don’t necessarily see them all that often.

My GP would use it as a mechanism to get me to go back and see her, and see me in the surgery and that’s what they were doing recently with me, when I was coming off the sleeping pills. They would only prescribe me mirtazapine, the antidepressant that I was on and the sleeping pills one week at a time. They would force me to come back at one week intervals.

And what effect did that have on you? Did you kind of resent that?

I really resented it, because of work problems I was having. I was taking so much time off with these medical appointments and everyone else in the office was like, well they could see me coming in at 11 o’clock in the morning. It was like, it was because I’d been queuing since 8.30 to see my GP but it still looks bad. And trying to kind of explain to people, although I didn’t explain it at all. It was a medical thing.

So that made it quite difficult kind of not being able to provide any kind of cogent explanation as to what?

No and I would always have to give kind of, get into quite convoluted stories really, to try and explain why I was coming into the office late.