When we came out of the hospital, my husband said’ “Have you got any idea which operation you want to go for?” And I said’ “I’m going for a full mastectomy.” And his answer was’ “I’m pleased to hear that.” So he was totally in agreement with me, which was absolutely ideal.

What does the incision look like now, the scar now?

Brilliant, brilliant, it’s very neat, very tidy, it’s white and you just get used to it really. It’s not ugly, it’s a nice tidy job.

And do you mind looking at it?

No, not at all.

Do you mind your husband looking at it?

No not at all, no, no. When I first I had it done yes, I did feel deformed. And I think possibly some of that was because I’d had the infection. But when you’re feeling better, then things are not so bad. So now that all the treatment is behind me, no I don’t mind the scar.

It’s difficult thinking “Well what will I be like?” because obviously your main concern is I just want the cancer taken away.

I personally wouldn’t have been too upset because I have a very strong healthy marriage and my husband said’ “I don’t care what you look like afterwards, you’re still going to be you.” And when my scar had healed my husband kissed my scar which was very, very important to me.

But it’s hard for men as well because, as much as they want to reassure you, and tell you that you are still the same person, it’s difficult for them sometimes because they’re going through it, although they’re not the victim themselves, they’re still upset, they’re trying to reassure you, they’re trying to be strong for you.

I feel my relationship with my husband is a lot stronger. Hes a very caring person, was absolutely wonderful through all the treatment. Kept a very good sense of humour through it as well.

And my husband actually said to the breast care nurses when they were explaining all the treatment’ “Will she be able to swim after this?” And she said’ “Yes, I don’t see why not.” And he said’ “Well that’s a good job because she can’t swim now.”

And humour is important you know, with anything. If you can laugh through it and laugh with each other, and sometimes laugh at the illness as well then, you know, laughter is the best medicine sometimes really.

My husband was with me all the way through. Now I have spoken to ladies whove said it’s been really difficult. My husband doesn’t really want to talk about it, he doesn’t want to look at the sca, My husband’s a boob man. I can’t show him the scar, I go and get undressed and put my pyjamas or my nightdress on before he comes to bed

Now I’m somebody I don’t actually wear any clothing in bed and I still don’t, and that has been the same since my mastectomy, apart from when I had the dressings on and everything. You know we were obviously waiting for it to heal. And for me, one of the things my husband always does every single night, apart from probably if we’re on holiday or perhaps it’s a very late night, I use aloe vera gel. And from the day I’ve had this, my husband massages this gel into my scar tissue, my mastectomy scar, all around under my arm and to my back, because I’ve shown how to keep the fluid moving to stop lymphodema. And that is so important to me, so my husband touches that scar all the time.

Now to me, I think the most important thing is make sure, when you first have those dressing taken off, that he, or your partner, is with you to see it at the first stage.

Because, at the end of the day, you’re still the same person, you’ve still got your same personality. And talk. I think the most important thing for me is to talk to each other.

And from a, you know, from a sexual point of view, yes our sex life has changed. But I think a lot of that has been down to me being menopausal as well, hot flushes, Oh gosh, I’m all hot Yes, I’ve gone through the vaginal dryness. However, it’s so important that you discuss those things and talk to your doctor. Because there are so many things now to assist and not to be frightened to go and ask.

And I was angry, I was angry with my husband. I was very angry with him because he can’t deal with it if I’m not being a strong person. I’ve always been the strong person in the relationship and he just can’t cope with it.

He shuts down, and he doesn’t talk to me. He hasn’t coped really. And I got angry with him and kind of locked in really for a long time.

But we are getting better now and it’s, it’s hard I think. I think it’s harder for your partner than it is for you. Very hard. I think for [my husband] as well I know he wanted to have sex after the soreness went away. And I said to him, I just didn’t feel like sex.

I really didn’t feel like sex at all, and I still don’t. And I think he felt that I was rejecting him and maybe he closed down. And I was in a way, I mean the furthest thing from your mind is having sex. I want a cuddle or just to be held or to talk, you know. I don’t feel like sex and I still don’t.

I don’t know whether that’s the tamoxifen or the depression or what it is. And that’s hard for him.

But were talking about it now and I think he knows that hopefully it won’t last forever.You know it’s difficult I think, very difficult.

What about the scar, how does he cope with that?

Oh yeah, I don’t think that bothers him at all.

I mean this breast is bigger than my other breast now, just because it’s got that kind of scar tissue underneath where they, having to operate twice makes it a bit more bumpy I think.

I’m a bit lopsided but I don’t worry too much about things like that.

Then I had a month off when I finished chemotherapy, before I started radiotherapy.

And, I suppose at that point, I knew, at that point, that my husband emotionally had left me, at the end of the chemotherapy. It puts relationships through quite a lot of strain. I didn’t really understand that then. I know a lot, lot more about that now. I think particularly, I think men do find it difficult. Maybe we as women do so much and are there as this sort of, maybe a mother figure a lot of the time.

But he, he found it so difficult and from that moment, before I started radiotherapy, he wasn’t there for me, which was very traumatising at the time. And I knew he was depressed and I knew he wasn’t coping but he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t go and see anybody. So that, that was, that’s been a huge hurdle to get over. And I think I’m just coming out of the black tunnel now.

And I felt and believed that the romance in my life was completely over, that I was never going to be desired or feel desirable or have any sense of desire myself. That I was going to have something awful done to my breast. I would not be a woman in that sense any more.

But I was fortunate it was small it was a lumpectomy and in reality I have an almost indistinguishable scar in a very good position. It’s about on the bra line, on the side, underneath my arm.

And my right breast is very slightly smaller than my left breast, but with a good bra you just never notice it.

You feel a sense of invasion and you go through a very bad patch of self doubt. But you come out the other side.

And I have a very happy ever after story because as a result of my diagnosis I met the most wonderful man in the world who could cope with it because his wife died six years ago of lung cancer. And I’ve found a new partner for life and that’s absolutely wonderful. So there was life after breast cancer.