I think my parent’s attitude towards it was like they treated it like not a problem, so I didn’t get any sympathy, and then, not like in a mean way [laughs], but so then I never really viewed it as this big problem, and so then nobody else really does in my life either, it’s not really something I talk about very often, or that I ever needed to like get therapy or like. I never really get-, this is like the, a whole, the first time I’ve ever really talked about properly with anybody cos I’ve never really needed to. So, I’ve never really had any like really big problems growing up I don’t think, which is obviously I know people do but-, so I must just be quite lucky I think.

Mm mm. So you think it’s partly to do with like your attitude towards it as well, and your family’s attitude that-?

Yeah, maybe. But I also think-, yeah I think like something’s only a problem if you make it a problem. And I’ve got-, I’ve just got really good friends and I think maybe they’ve just been-, I guess people would have asked them about it. I don’t really know. Like I’ve just never, nobody’s ever sort of like directly asked me like, “Can you tell me about your hair?” People just aren’t like that, I don’t think, and just out of respect that that just wouldn’t be the kind of thing to do and would let me tell them. And most of the time, like nobody even realises; like I know that most of my friends in [city name] have absolutely no idea, which is just funny, like that I can live with my two housemates who I’m such good friends with, and they have no idea. Like it is kind of funny. I am lucky in that I like, like the wigs I wear are like real hair so it is quite similar so people wouldn’t really notice, so I think that makes it a lot easier as well. So I don’t have to talk about it sort of.

If there’s something that’s bothering me about it or if I said I’m getting ready for a night out with like my friends, they’ll just like oh let me just fix that bit of hair or something small. It’s nothing like it’s there’s no like a major like sit down cry or anything like that. At the beginning obviously there was and my, occasionally me and my mum do. But it’s more just like it’s just something like say if you had like a bit of dirt on your face they’d be like just get rid of it, it’s just something like as natural as that now, which is what definitely helps. Something that’s not like forced or should I tell her that, that her bald patch is out or something like that. It’s just like something as simple as day to day life and that’s I think is the biggest support you could have is just natural now, cos it like at the moment it feels like I’m going to have it forever, like I’ve had it for half of my life so if for me it feels natural and then when people around me and it feels natural for them it makes me feel a lot more secure and like normal about it.

When I have occasionally read, you know, articles and things about people who are going through alopecia and they say, Oh you know, I’ve suffered so long with this illness, and I’m sat there going [head in hand] k then, no’ it’s very frustrating, it’s very frustrating when I hear someone say it’s an illness, it does get me very angry. I remember watching TV one day with my brother when we were quite a lot younger and it was something my mum had put on and it was a talk show and someone was getting interviewed because they’d lost a tiny patch of hair and because of that they were wearing wigs and first of all I was that’s ridiculous,’ you know, I was saying, You don’t need to wear a wig, it’s only a tiny patch of hair, but then my brother went through all the lengths of finding the website and sending them a very-, you know, strongly worded e-mail saying, This is ridiculous. First of all, it’s not an illness. And my sister has gone through this for so many years and she never wears wigs, and I thought that was really sweet of him.

I’d say my mum is the heaviest involvement in my life in general, as well as alopecia. It was difficult for her to begin with, because she had to deal with me being upset, and she had to maintain her like calmness, to make sure that I wasn’t getting stressed out as well. But she’s been helpful throughout it, and helped me with different treatments and stuff like that. And attempted to find, like- done like- she done all sorts to try and help me become more comfortable with it. She at one point when my self-confidence was especially bad, she took me to a counsellor, to try and improve myself. And I went for a few weeks, and became a lot calmer. And then I felt I didn’t need to go to that any more. And since, I’ve been quite calm.

Yeah I don’t, I felt embarrassed, I felt it was, I felt embarrassed for [daughter’s name] if that makes sense. Cos I thought well what I used to picture in my head was me having no hair and when she goes to, I imagined her when she went to school and I thought well kids can be nasty and I thought well what if sort of one of the other mums said to their children Oh [daughter’s name]’s mum wore a wig’ [hmm] and I’ve worked, I did child care at college so I did sort of placements in schools and nurseries and kids can be nasty and things that they say. And I kept thinking to myself what if she gets bullied cos her mum wears a wig and it’s all my fault. and it, it’s even little things to, like when I get her out of the car and she’d pull on my hair and I think well what if she pulls my wig off and people laugh at me [mic noise] and for me it was easier to just stay in the house with her. And I said before that I was scared that she wouldn’t recognise me but she never, it never fazed her. And [partner’s name]’s got a four year old daughter from a previous relationship and even she never mentioned it, she never asked, she never asked where my hair was she never said anything like that but she’d see me put my wig on and she’d asked sort of Why did you put your hair on as a hat sort of thing. And I do remember one day going to Morrison’s with [partner’s name]’s daughter went and did some food shopping and we were in the middle of a really busy aisle and luckily my hair had started growing back at this point so it didn’t bother me so much. And in the middle of a really busy aisle she decided to shout out one day Can I take my hair off like you do? So that was [laughs] that was a bit, I mean people turned round and looked at me but I just laughed and I just said to her, I just said My hair, my hair got poorly and hopefully it should never ever happen to your hair so no you should never ever have to take your hair off like I do. So I’d say that that was probably, it wasn’t very nice explaining that to a four year old cos she doesn’t understand, she hasn’t got a clue. And after that I think she relaxed then cos if my wig wasn’t on, she’d disappear upstairs and she knew where I kept it and she’d come walking downstairs with my wig on [laughs] So it was, I was very surprised that she didn’t pick up on it and she didn’t ask questions, I mean I have quite a good relationship with her mum and I don’t think she ever questioned it, I don’t know whether she did and her mum didn’t tell me but I don’t, to be honest I don’t think she ever questioned where my hair was until I, until she noticed I started taking my wig off and then she questioned it. So for a four year old to see me with a bald head I was surprised she never said anything and I was surprised [daughter’s name] never. The only time [daughter’s name] ever looked at me strange was when I had my hair cut when I took my wig off. And when, she was here at the time and I came back and I walked in and she just sort of, it was my voice that she recognised but she didn’t recognise me cos I’d gone from having the wig, the long hair to this style now but then she soon got used to that she got used to it quicker than I have [laughs].

Most of the time we take a lot of jokes we, we just, because when we’re out in public they seem to think that we’re father and daughter because of how we look. And he made this comment which forever makes me laugh where there’s a lot of kids in a café that were looking at us and he made a reference to a movie where there’s these aliens had come down and, can I mention the movie, is that okay?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Coneheads? It’s an 80’s movie. Basically they’ve all got really, really big cone bald heads he constantly refers to that film and, for jokes, and he said, Emilie, on the count of three, turn to them and stare. So we just sat upright and just, you know, [turns head to the side and stares] just joking around, cos some kids just laugh about it and these kids were like [gasp] Oh, oh.

[Laughs]

So [laughs] yeah, it is a connection that I haven’t been able to have with quite a lot of people and he’s actually the first person that I’ve spent a lot of time with that’s actually got it. when I was younger we’d meet people who had alopecia, who’ve had alopecia but not necessarily still do, and a lot of them are much older than me so I still felt very alone and it was lovely the fact my mum and dad did this for me, you know I felt really appreciated and I appreciated what they were doing. But at the same time because there was no-one around here that I knew had it I did feel very isolated for a long time and it took a while for me to get out of that isolation and, you know, take my hood down and start actually making friends and doing things that bring up my confidence.