Sophie

Could I just add something I just remembered having a conversation with my obstetrician and, and this was sort of the, after I’d had the haemorrhaged and he’d obviously been along, I mean he was around for the first pregnancy, the second pregnancy. He kind of knew what I’d gone through. And he said, “We’ve only had this, this combination of problem once in eight years” or something like that. I was so exasperated by it all and I said, “Did she get better? Did she get better?” And he said, “Yes, she got better. She’s fine. She’s okay.” And I think that was the bit where I just thought oh God, you know, somebody has actually got through this before and you know, it’s been hard, but they’ve got through it and that’s the kind of thing. I’ve got, am I going to get better? I suppose that was the thing that, by the end of that whole thing that had happened, I was just like is this just going to go on forever or am I going to get better, and I just needed a bit of reassurance really. They may have been walking round thinking, we’ve dealt with all the very serious issues and we’re not worried about her now, but, but emotionally you think, well no this keeps happening. What’s going to happen next.

 

So it was, you know, I can look back at it and laugh now, but I remember at the time I just thought, “What do I really need to ask this man?” And I just thought, am I going to get better? It just sort blurted out at him. But it was just yes. I mean these people, the doctors have got all sorts of records about what happens to various people and stuff, but they hold it themselves and obviously there’s confidentiality to that. But you know, it’s knowing that somebody, this has happened, but it is rare. Okay it was eight years ago, but how did they deal with that? Has anything improved? Will they deal with, you know, will they learn from this experience? Given that they couldn’t diagnose it literally it happened. I suppose you know, there are those reassurances really, that you like to think that if you’ve been through something really traumatic, that somebody’s going to actually learn from that and help in the future. Even if it is rare.

Sophie' But when I was back, I kind of got, I got a lot of questions about how I was and stuff but I didn’t get any offers of physical support and help, and I said, “Look I’m really struggling is there anybody who can help. You know, just coming in cleaning or you know, helping me with the girls or whatever?” And they said at that point, they said, “No.”

 

Tom' The health visitor said no there isn’t. Not unless you want to pay somebody.

 

Sophie' Yes, she said, “For situations like this there isn’t.” And I couldn’t understand that, because, because I was still at risk. I still had a PE. And I said, “Well what happens if I’m on my own with the girls and I have a heart attack? Is there, is there anything that we can do to reduce the impact on them if that were to happen?” And they just came up with nothing really. And after I’d had the haemorrhage I then asked again didn’t I, about help. And they said, “Oh there’s this charity called Home Start…”.

 

Tom' Hm.

 

Sophie' And I said, “Oh great, great, that would be great. Whatever they can give. Whatever support.” Because I had to go back to hospital every week to have my bloods checked because my blood wasn’t coming down to the right levels as they’d hoped. So that meant I had to go back every week and that happened for another three months I think. And during that time I couldn’t really get to the hospital with the girls as well, because I was still very weak.

 

Tom' Hm.

 

Sophie' And I said, “Well you know, I need help with these times as well.” And eventually Home Start started with us in December and they could do a morning a week which sort of helped, you know, helped me get…

 

Sophie' … to hospital, to the doctors or whatever I needed to do that week without the girls. That was a big help, but I still needed a lot of physical help which that, there wasn’t really much help on that front. And after the fact, ages and ages after I think we were sort of talking June or July and looking back and thinking about what happened and we said, “Well hang on there are people that live in the community who, who are ill and they do need, they might need medical attention very quickly if they’re on their own and they often have these pendants that they wear. And I thought well that would have been perfect, because if I felt ill, at least I could have alerted the emergency services or somebody to come and get in the house and at least look after the children, regardless of what was happening to me, you know, the children would have been looked after and that gave me, you know, that would have given me a lot of peace of mind if we’d have gone down that route, but nobody actually said, “Oh there’s pendants for this kind of thing if you’re, you’re ill.” And…

 

Tom' We felt as professionals ourselves that as health professionals these people should have had a few more solutions up their sleeve.

 

Sophie' Yes, five weeks off just to keep things sort of running and looking after me and stuff and so when he went back to work it was quite frightening wasn’t it? Because for me, because then I was just so weak and there wasn’t any support unfortunately when we got… We asked for you know, the midwife would come round and ironically she came round and helped you bath the baby whilst I was in hospital and checked that you were coping.

 

But when I was back, I kind of got, I got a lot of questions about how I was and stuff but I didn’t get any offers of physical support and help, and I said, “Look I’m really struggling is there anybody who can help. You know, just coming in cleaning or you know, helping me with the girls or whatever?” And they said at that point, they said, “No.”

 

Tom' The health visitor said no there isn’t. Not unless you want to pay somebody.

 

Sophie' Yes, she said, “For situations like this there isn’t.” And I couldn’t understand that, because, because I was still at risk. I still had a PE. And I said, “Well what happens if I’m on my own with the girls and I have a heart attack? Is there, is there anything that we can do to reduce the impact on them if that were to happen?” And they just came up with nothing really. And after I’d had the haemorrhage I then asked again didn’t I, about help. And they said, “Oh there’s this charity called Home Start…”.

 

Tom' Hm.

 

Sophie' And I said, “Oh great, great, that would be great. Whatever they can give. Whatever support.” Because I had to go back to hospital every week to have my bloods checked because my blood wasn’t coming down to the right levels as they’d hoped. So that meant I had to go back every week and that happened for another three months I think. And during that time I couldn’t really get to the hospital with the girls as well, b