And we came home, and my parents-law were coming for the weekend, and we just went into sort of overdrive, really. Not quite aware of what was going to, happening to us and I remember looking in the mirror when I came home, and I wasn’t there any more. I couldn’t, I couldn’t see me in the mirror. It was someone else there. And that stayed for months and months and months.

And we spent the weekend just crying and crying and crying, and searching on the Internet for anything that we could find out about all these words that they’d said to us. And probably by Sunday night we had contacted a number of organisations, or got details of a number of organisations that could help us. And it was difficult to find the information. It’s not easy, it’s not easy to find. And we got details of SOFT [Support Organisation For Trisomy 13/18 and related disorders], which is an organisation for people with trisomies.

We got information from SANDS [Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society]. We hadn’t found ARC [Antenatal Results and Choices], we couldn’t find, we didn’t know they existed and we couldn’t find ARC at the time. And wed read and wed read and wed read information. And there was one web-site that we found they gave you a number of the genetic conditions and sort of a tick-list in terms of what was wrong with a baby that gave it that particular condition, and so wed decided by the end of Sunday that our baby did have a trisomy 18, and every single one of the things that trisomy 18 indicated was everything that was wrong with him. There wasn’t anything that wasn’t there.

And then we continued to read that babies with that condition just didn’t live. I mean they didn’t, it’s not like they had a chance of anything, really. They just, if they got, actually managed to make it through being born, which was traumatic enough for them, then, you know, without a stomach and a heart that didn’t work, they just couldn’t live at all. And I kept thinking all the way through the weekend, ‘I wish you’d just die. I wish hed miscarried because of the amnio.

I wish that, you know, we could stop our suffering through natural intervention, rather than having to decide to do anything. And I remember my Mum came over on Sunday to see me, and she just said, ‘Nothing is going to make this any easier. And from Friday morning, when we were expecting the best news, it became, he became a person. He became a very special little person that we started talking about, and it just became so real, really.

And then we phoned the hospital on Monday and they hadn’t got the results, and then we phoned on Tuesday morning and they hadn’t got the results. And they phoned, phoned me at about Tuesday lunchtime and said, ‘Weve got the results back and it confirms that hes got trisomy 18’, and could we come back on Wednesday to see the consultant? And we said, ‘No, we want to see him today. We just, you know, we were in agony. We just needed to talk to people and know what to do.

Well, we were told that the results would be available within about 3 working days. And I hadn’t heard anything, and I was beside myself again with worry, waiting for the telephone to ring. I knew that they would be phoning me with the results and every time the phone rang I jumped. That was probably the worst bit of everything that I’ve sort of been through.

That was probably the worst period of all, because it did seem to go on for ever, and it went over a weekend. And because I hadn’t heard anything I decided to call the hospital, and I phoned the number that I was given, or had been given, and whoever answered the phone just picked up the phone and said, ‘Hello.

They didn’t say who they were or what department it was. And when I actually explained why I was calling they were actually very rude and dismissive and said, ‘Well, you won’t get the results for a CVS within 3 or 4 days, that’s ridiculous. You’ll have to wait at least a week’, which was clearly wrong because the next day the phoned with the results.

So there was clearly some lack of knowledge there on the part of the person that was answering the phone, who was actually the receptionist at the hospital, at that particular clinic.

Did you ever mention that to anyone?

I didn’t, and actually every time we went to that particular clinic, the same person, who was obviously the receptionist, was actually very off-hand. And they do actively seek constructive criticism. There is something on the wall that says, you know, ‘Please write to the Director if you have any criticisms to make. And I always planned to write, and I didn’t actually ever get round to doing it, to be perfectly honest.

So it’s my own fault for not following that up, but that was a big thing for us, because, you know, here we were turning up the first time, you know, for the CVS and actually feeling very nervous and very worried about what we might be facing, and the last thing you want to see is an unhappy face. I think that’s maybe something they need to look at. And again, you know, we should have, we should have followed that up, but, once you’ve got the news that you need to know, you kind of forget about that bad experience.

So the next day they rang?

They phoned, yes, and they phoned quite late in the evening, actually. So, it was my husbands birthday and by that point wed given up any sort of hope of hearing that day. We were literally getting ready to go out and the phone rang, and it was one of the midwives who rang with the results and told us that the chromosomes were fine.

And at that point I asked if they would tell me whether the baby was a girl or a boy, and they told me that, so that was nice to know as well. But that was absolutely overwhelming, because that at the end of the day made such a difference to us, to be told that really major decision-making process was going to be taken away from us and everything would be fine.

They said that the results would take five to seven days. I was working at the time, so I was going into work as usual. And what I hadn’t realised was that they didn’t want to talk to me at work – that they wanted to talk to me while I was at home – so on the last day, which was a Friday, I told my boss that I was expecting this phone call from the specialists and that I wouldn’t be in work.

And in fact they did call that morning with the results. And they said that they’d been trying to call me earlier in the week at home but I’d been at work and they hadn’t left a message on the answer machine or anything.

Do you wish in retrospect, I mean had anybody…?

I think – it was a bizarre situation. I was sort of floating through the experience, almost numb and not really thinking about the sort of minor details and the practicalities of things. And I guess it would have been helpful if they hadn’t assumed that I was at home. It might have been helpful if somebody had said, ‘Are you likely to be at work?’

Did they have your work number?

I don’t think they did, in fact. I think they probably just had my home number.

And in between that point and getting the results, did you have further discussions together, or was it all like on hold till you got those results?

Yeah. It was on hold. We talked about the, what wed been through and we talked about how we felt, but we didn’t really go into what we would do with the results.

And then the results came which was another Friday

It was. There was a midwife from the hospital who rang me, and said, ‘Unfortunately the results of the CVS show that your baby has Down’s syndrome. And yeah, that was hard because I was by myself, and I was trying to deal with what she had told me, and I was also trying to think about what information I needed from her to help me make the decision.

She was one of the most helpful professionals that I came across throughout the experience. And she did help me to ask the questions. She did ask me what my experience of Down’s syndrome was – so had I met any children? She asked me if I had any concerns, and did I need any other information? So she did sort of prompt me. She didn’t get off the phone as quickly as possible. Yes, but I was completely devastated.

Mother’So we went for the CVS, and they called us a week later to say, ‘It’s not trisomy 13, 18 or 21. And do you want to know the sex?’ And I said, ‘Yes. And they said, ‘It’s a girl, congratulations. And then she said, ‘You won’t get a letter to your GP for another two weeks because we have to grow the karyotypes and check for some really rare disorders.

And I said, ‘Oh, like what?’ And she said, ‘Oh, I don’t know, they’re so rare, there are so many. And she really didn’t give it, she should have said, ‘Look, you’re not out of the woods yet. Because we told everyone then. We thought everything was fine, and we rejoiced.

How did you find out about the Turner’s? Did you get another phone call or…?

Mother’Yeah, it was another phone call, and because wed had the positive phone call, I was cooking dinner at seven at night and, you know, ‘Hello. ‘Oh, this is the midwife calling from the hospital. And I just, my stomach dropped and I knew, because why are they calling me? They’re not supposed to be calling me. And then she told me. And you know that feeling you get in your stomach? It’s just horrible.

Father’But I don’t think theres any good way of telling somebody that sort of information, because if you say, ‘Oh, we need to make an emer-, you know, an emergency appointment with you to come in and tell you something then you’re left, you know, dangling then as well.

Mother’I’m glad they told us what it was so that we did have the evening to start to do our own research before we had to speak to the consultant.

It was the Tuesday I had it done and on the Friday they give you the result. It was arranged for them to phone me from the hospital, or the midwife, or one of them was going to ring me and let me know the result.

But that wasn’t what happened?

No. I mean, the last time I saw the midwife, she said, ‘Well, you won’t see me unless theres a problem. So I was in a way like hoping, ‘Well, I hope I don’t see her coming out, you know, arriving outside the house. But I rested. I did what they said, you know. I just rested for the three days.

I had a bit of pain afterwards, but I was okay, and she did come round the next day just to check me over and things, and listen to the heartbeat. And it was the Friday morning, about ten past nine, and I saw her pulling up outside and coming up the path. But I still thought, ‘Oh, shes had the result early and shes just coming to tell me personally’, you know.

And I opened the door and she just blurted in the door. She didn’t say, ‘Can we go in?’ I think she was probably, it was not a very nice thing to have to do anyway. But she walked in and she just said, ‘Theres a problem. We didn’t sit down, or go in another room. I was in the porch of my house in my dressing gown and she just said, ‘I’m sorry theres a problem. They’ve found Down’s, the baby’s got Down’s syndrome, and I was completely, you know, shaking and just absolutely stunned, because I just couldn’t believe it was happening to me.

Did she then sort of sit you down?

Well, we went through into the other room. I’m sure – I don’t even think we sat down, you know. We were, I was just so shocked. I was stood by the sink. I think I was just holding on. And she more or less – I mean, it all happened so quick – but she more or less assumed that I would go ahead and terminate, even though I hadn’t really discussed it with her that much before.

And she just more or less said, ‘Well, this is what will happen. You’ll go to the hospital and they’ll give you a tablet’ and, you know – and it was that day that they were saying, you know, ‘Go today. And I phoned my husband and he came straight home from work, and we had a discussion about it there.

I mean he did, he says now that we did sort of discuss it with the midwife a bit more about, you know, ‘Well, it’s up to you what you want to do, when you want to do it, or if you do. But I, because I was in such a state, I can’t really remember all that was said, really, then, to be honest, no.

Well, we had the scan and you could see on the screen, because she had the screen so we could see as well. Because I know some scanning ladies don’t let you see until they’ve had a look themselves. But the screen was facing us so we could see, and I kept seeing that usually they go all round and look everywhere on the baby and then she kept going back to the heart.

And although you could see the heart beating, so we knew, I knew the baby was alive, which again before I’d seen a baby that wasn’t alive, you know, inside me being scanned, so this time I thought yes, the baby’s alive, but she kept going back to the heart. So immediately you do start to think, ‘What’s going on? What’s happening? You know, why does she keep looking?’

And after, I don’t know, a few minutes, but it seemed that shed kept, you know, wed detected that there was some cause for concern, she said, ‘I’m, you know, explained I think very briefly that shed seen a problem with the heart and that she wanted us to see somebody else who could scan, who knew more than she did really.

So we were extremely lucky actually, having read about other peoples experiences, that we managed to get to see somebody the same day. I think I had an appointment straight afterwards, some sort of antenatal appointment, anyway. So we went down and had the antenatal appointment as planned and hed been told and he said, ‘Yes, don’t worry, were going to get you in with a fetal cardiologist, or somebody, who happened to be at the hospital that day, so we were, you know, again extremely lucky not to have to wait, really.

And within half an hour we were in the scanning room where they had a, I don’t know, a better scanner, or a detailed one or something. And they explained very well what they were going to do, and you know, scanned straight away and found out what the problem was, and were able to able to explain it to us, which was, you know, saved a lot of anxiety if wed had to wait, you know, up to a week, which I think some people do.

And what did they tell you at the cardiac scan? What were they able to see?

Well, they said it’s something called a hypoplastic left heart, which I’d never heard of before. There was a, I think there was a heart chap and there was a sort of, a fetal medicine consultant as well. And I think they were both there, and they explained that they would have to scan the baby all over, all again, not just the heart.

So they said it, you know, ‘It will take fifteen minutes and we will have to look at everything in detail again, to get a picture in total of what we think the situation is. And then he was very good, he sat down and drew diagrams for us, and explained what wasn’t formed and what was formed and what was wrong.

And they also, I think they detected something in the head which I think can be an indication of Down’s or something, and I think Down’s babies have more, are more likely to have heart defects, so they were explaining about that possibility as well.

So, you know, they were very good, in that we had instant information and answering all our quest-, you know, any questions we had and whatever, which obviously we were pretty stunned, so you don’t tend to think of all the questions at the time.

And then they made an appointment for us to come back the next day, so wed had a chance to go home, think about it, take in the information and then go back the next day to sort of talk again. Because obviously you think of lots of things

But then at the twenty-one week fetal heart scan they told us that our son had a congenital heart defect. And that was pretty awful because they – well, they, the lady, there was a young girl scanning me and half-way through, she didn’t say anything, she just said, ‘Oh look, I’ll have to get somebody else to come in and have a look. And that’s when one of the cardiologists came in and sat down, and said, ‘Oh, weve got to, I’ve got to take a more detailed look.

And he said to us then that our son had, they’d found a defect in his heart, a couple of defects, and I just felt as if my world had come to an end. We both did. We couldn’t believe that this had happened. Wed got this far, and I remember saying to my husband, ‘My God, I only heard his heart beating two weeks ago for the first time, and it sounded so normal.

And they went out and left us in this room, and then they came back about ten minutes later and they took us in to see a counsellor and said, they sort of explained exactly what they thought the problem was, and gave us the option of a termination, told us what the outcome was likely to be. And, God, it was just awful, it was absolutely awful.

I couldn’t stop crying, and I felt so stupid for crying, because I must have been asking such stupid questions, such silly trivial questions. And what they did at the time, they just gave us some leaflets for support groups and that sort of thing, and said to go away and come back in a few days time, once wed thought about it, and with any questions that we had.