Mother of a trans daughter. Ethnicity: White British.

VM was told by her daughter about three or four years ago, as an adult, that she thought she was transgender. When her daughter told her about her trans identity, she did not expect it and thought that she was going to come out as gay instead. It took a while to accept her daughter’s gender identity and to get the pronouns correct. But VM and her daughter maintained a relationship and feel much closer now. When asked what positives have come from her daughter’s trans journey, she says that she now understands a lot more about trans identities and experiences.

VM has a trans daughter. When her daughter first came out during adulthood, VM was concerned and thought she would have to move somewhere else where nobody would know about her daughter’s transition. However, she soon changed her mind and has found that the people in her community are really accepting and those who are less so, she says, are off the Christmas list VM still has some concerns about her daughter’s transition, particularly in relation to the level of medication she is on and how it may affect her and the other conditions she has.

VM attended a medical appointment with her daughter to see a gender specialist at one of the Gender Identity Clinics for adults. The purpose of this appointment, she says, was to confirm that her daughter was living as a woman and wanted to medically transition. She recalls the specialist asking her daughter about how she dresses. This stood out to VM because her daughter does not dress particularly feminine and thinks that the specialist was asking these questions to make sure her daughter was really transgender. Overall, VM thinks her daughter was happy with the decisions that the specialist made.

When asked about what support she has had as a parent, VM says she feels lucky in that she has access to two support groups in her local community. She says, in both these groups she has made friends with other parents who have trans children who she can call at any time. VM says she is not really keen to have any online support, but she is sure for some parents that would suit them better.

Reflecting back to her daughter’s initial social transition, VM found it difficult to get her pronouns correct, but she is so grateful for this learning opportunity because it has made her more aware of how she speaks to people. Now when she talks to a woman she never assumes that they are in a relationship with a man and uses the gender neutral term partner.;

In the current social and political debate about trans children and their healthcare VM thinks that there is a lot of inaccuracies from the media and TERFs (trans exclusionary radical feminists). Though she thinks these debates on television can raise the visibility of trans people and help support others with trans children. When asked what positives have come from her daughter’s trans journey, she says that she now understands a lot more about trans identities and experiences and is more open to diversity overall.

VM talked about support groups and how she doesn’t do online.

VM spoke about how she managed to stay connected to her daughter, despite finding it difficult in the beginning.

VM was concerned about telling her friends more than her extended family.

VM said she found it upsetting to look for information online because there was a lot of information about discrimination and violence against trans people.

VM’s daughter educated her on pronouns. She feels that she is now more aware of diversity and less quick to make assumptions about others.

VM was initially worried about what people would say and thought she would have to move.

VM’s daughter had bottom surgery on the NHS. She talked about how her daughter fell ill after the surgery and had to rely on local GP for help.