Tom – Interview 23
After a long period of things not being ‘quite right’, Tom went from being a ‘model student’ to a ‘bad student’. Much later, he started hearing voices and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He is now taking sulpiride and doing lots of music and painting and wants to make films.
Tom thinks that there was a long period before developing florid symptoms, and that he had depression when things just weren’t quite right in [his] life’. He went from being a model student’ doing his O’ levels to a bad student’ for his A’ levels. He did very little work, simply because he couldn’t. He went to music college after school but got kicked out’ because he couldn’t do any work. He was feeling both depressed and strange’, far away’ in a grey bubble’ not just sometimes but all the time’. His mum noticed that something was wrong’ quite early on, and thought Tom was going through the early stages of schizophrenia. Tom rejected this as the last thing you want to accept is that you’re going mad’. He refused to listen to what they were saying. His friends tried to persuade him to go to a day centre but he refused.
After this period he went to stay with his Dad in another city, and got various jobs that he couldn’t stick at. As his friends were going to university he went, and started studying Russian and philosophy. He couldn’t do any work there so got kicked out. He went back to his Dad’s and became stranger and stranger’ and got iller and iller’. He then moved to his Mum’s so he could attend a day centre, and it was some months later he started hearing voices. He told the doctors about this and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. He can remember feeling very upset’ but also quite relieved’ as he knew that something would be done about what was going on’.
From there he was admitted to hospital for about a month and put on chlorpromazine, which he found very sedating. He says that the hospital, an old Victorian asylum, was quite pleasant’ and he met a few nice people in there that he could relate to because they’d been through the same thing. For the first few years after his diagnosis he went from medication to medication, changing around’ and had some really bad ones. In particular with Depixol he was very zonked out’ and his throat constricted and he could hardly speak. His psychiatrist didn’t help him with this and he became wary of company. He found information through his psychiatrists, books and online. Doctors didn’t tell him much about schizophrenia, particularly the negative symptoms, so he found out more on his own. Tom also lost his sense of humour and ability to laugh, whereas prior to that he had been quite a humorous person’. He had two difficult years in which the side effects of the medicine were almost as bad as the illness itself. He also had one year without medication as he was into anti-psychiatry, but became seriously ill and experienced many delusions. He was in hospital for around a week at this time.
Tom went back to the day centre for rehabilitation and made friends with some people there. He moved out of his Mum’s and got a flat by himself. He taught himself to play the piano and that kept him going. He was only able to practise for small periods; likewise when he paints he tries to accept he can only do this for limited periods. Artistic activities have helped him considerably, as has his Mum, and he says that he doesn’t think he would have survived had it not been for her. His Dad and his friends also helped him through difficult periods. When he is worse he is unable to do music, but then when he is better he has more productive periods. He doesn’t feel able to hold down a full-time job because of his health.
Now he is on sulpiride and has fewer side effects than previously. He is now doing music and painting and wants to make films. He has been involved in awareness-raising.