And we went to a course which was for any gay person thinking of co- parenting and we actually met a couple of men on that course. A gay couple. And we got friendly and we built up a friendship over a few months, and we said, Well let’s do it together

So we tried with them for quite a few months. And it didn’t work. It didn’t work. And we fell out with them about a year into it. They, we found out about a health issue that the Father had. And we were upset, not really about the issue, but the fact that he hadn’t said anything about it. And it’s hereditary and it just created a bad feeling, and I think, I don’t know if it was waiting to happen this thing, but anyway, so we stopped that and thought. Oh dear, let’s ask somebody we know. Let’sWe know some lovely men let’s ask

And so an old friend of mine said he’d help out and he’d got his own family and he wasn’t interested in being a Father, but he was really happy to be, you know, at a distance and meet the child, but just not, you know, the odd photo every now and again, but not more than that.

And so we tried with him. And it just didn’t work. And he lived quite far away so logistically it wasand so in the end. And there were a few other things. I think we started to go off the idea of having somebody else involved and started warming more to the idea of the anonymous donor.

And so we thought we needed to go to clinic. We needed to do it properly. And maybe there was something wrong, which is why it hasn’t happened.

So I think it was about 2003 that we went. So we’d sort of tried for three years, I mean not every month, because it just didn’t work like that because of the logistics. But for three years nothing had happened and it was, you know, quite emotionally draining and traumatic and all the rest of it.

And so I went to the clinic in 2003 and it was my understanding that I could only be treated as a single person at that time. I couldn’t, we weren’t going to be treated as a couple. And it was also my understanding that I wouldn’t necessarily get treatment. That we’d have to demonstrate certain things, that we had male role models and there’d be certain sort of judgements, you know, we’d have to say the right things and what have you. I didn’t think it was a sure thing that we’d be able to have it.

Well they were great, because the unit opened at seven and the doctor [name] was brilliant at seeing, I would see her, because I think if you didn’t ask for a doctor you just had whoever was on scanning duty that morning. And she was just lovely and it was just really nice to always have the sameanyway, so you’d go at seven and you could be out by quarter past seven.

I worked ten minutes away from it so I’d drive there do it, drive to work. All done and dusted. I had to get up a bit earlier but apart from that it couldn’t have been easier, and then the actually procedure, the insemination would only be one afternoon every couple of months. SoI could just say I had a medical appointment or, that wasn’t a big deal. So that’s pretty easy to manage.

And how did you do your research?

Internet. A lot of internet stuff and discussing with friends later on who I knew were having IVF. And one of them was as neurotic as me, and was doing loads and loads of internet research. So I think we both drove each other mad with too much information. But yes
Did you feel that it was too much information?

I’m not sure weI think we were just doing it for our own peace of mind, finding out, I don’t think it affected the decisions that were made and I think had we had no information we probably would have gone down the same routes, but for our own peace of mind we had to be sure of the decisions that the doctors were making and that we were choosing to do were the right ones.

But that’s done like, that’s what I’m like with everything, not just to confined to any medical things or other choices. I like a lot of information.

And then we had, we started IUI and we had – they said we will do six. Because they did a few tests and everything seemed fine. So they said, Let’s do six IUI’s and see how we go. If they don’t work then let’s think then about IVF. And on the sixth IUI there was some evidence of being some implantation. It was a very low HCG level and that then made me feel more confident that things weren’t blocked, that thing’s weren’t, you know, that it could happen. So they said, Well let’s do another six

I mean at every stage they gave me lots of choice. It wasn’t, but six, another six sounds good and we did another four. So we’d done ten in all. And I think I just became dispirited. I thought that’s enough. Let’s do IVF. Because it’s really expensive you know, if you do ten, you start getting to thinking well we could have done a couple of IVFs. So we said let’s do the IVF. And they were really supportive about that. There was no sense that they wereI never felt they were pushing me one way or another. But if I said to them, What would you do if you were me They would often, they would say. But at the end of the day it’s our choice.

And the IUI’s you did them in six months. Did you do them in six months on the trot or

They wouldn’t let you. They made you have a month off in between. I always suspected that was for mental reasons rather than physical reasons I think, but I would have been much happier just doing that. And, a couple of times they gave me Clomiphene, a couple of times I grew some little cysts and they made me have another month off which is awful. I hated, I hated the months off. They drove me more mad than the months of doing it. I would have been really happy to doand it’s my understanding as well if you did six in a year you raised your chance of I don’t know, ovarian cancer, some, some, it was some health risk, but at the time I was just thinking I want to get pregnant. And I want to get pregnant now. That was my mainnbsp;

So I used to pester them into letting me not have months off and I think when I grew the cysts, I said, Well let’s do it without the Clomiphene then So I think a couple of those six were done without the stimulating drugs.

Were they happy to do that?

Yes, I mean they said, it’s less likely to happen And I said, Well not less likely then not trying Because I mean in a lesbian relationship you’re not going to accidentally get pregnant in the month off. So, you know, and I felt that I was getting older, and also I’m impatient anyway. And wanted to get on with it.

So yes, they were pretty good at advising but then going along with what, but most of the time I think it coincided with what they thought.