I’ve read bits of the website called Dan’s Fund For Burns. That was really helpful when I was first burned.

So, did you find the Dan’s Fund For Burns website useful?

Yeah, very actually. It was probably the first place that I ever spoke to anyone else that had been burnt. So, yeah, it was really helpful, and I’ve met some really, well, not in person but, you know, on-line, some really lovely people through it.

And what was it that you liked about the site?

To be honest with you, it’s the only place that I’d found where you can speak to anyone else that had been burnt, you know in that … it’s quite a relaxed way to speak to other people on-line. You know when you type things on Facebook and wait for people reply, I wasn’t so keen on that but no, I found it really helpful.

Did it feel a bit like a safe space because it was a website perhaps dedicated to burn injuries kind of thing?

Yes, and you kind of talk there in private, not that I think anyone in my real life would come across any posts that I’d made about being burnt, but it’s somewhere that, you know, more anonymous than Facebook or anything like that.

Yeah, so I have found the website really, really helpful and I guess everyone’s there because they want to discuss burns and all things around that. You know, you’re only there because you actually want to be, as opposed to, you know, on Facebook you come across things to comment on that you do because they’re there, but obviously, that’s something that you go to specifically for that.

And when you had to take time off work, were work understanding?

To be honest, they’ve done everything and more all the times I’ve been off. Obviously, financially I don’t get full pay and stuff while I’m off but, other than that, my work have always been very supportive. When I’ve come back to work, they’ve always been really supportive. I don’t think they really could have done any more, to be honest.

If you were having to give advice to an employer about what to do if one of their employees had a burn injury and had to take time off or had to have flexible working options, what would you advise others to do?

I mean, there’s never been an issue with the amount of time. Obviously, when I think back to the amount of time that I’ve had off in the last three years, it’s not the best, put it that way, but you know, it’s never been an issue. My role has always waited for me. When I came back after one operation, I was able to work from home for a few months so that I could be back at work but not actually in the office, which was really helpful. They’ve always stayed in touch, you know, on the phone while I’ve been off, sent cards, flowers and things like that from people that I work with. People always check-in – not in a ‘pressurey’ way but, you know, in a genuine way to see how I am, which is nice. They’ve always asked after my family and things like that.

I’d just had three children really quickly, one after the other, um … so I guess I’d already kind of entered a phase of a life where it [her appearance] didn’t matter as much as it would have done, you know, 10/15 years ago, when I was younger. …but it doesn’t bother me too much. I don’t… you know, it’s certainly not something that I dwell on.

Well, I actually went back to work a bit earlier and did a few days back at work and then went off sick again. It was too much too soon. I thought that I wanted to get back to normal, to my old life. Went back to work and I realised that actually 1) it was too soon and 2) it’s not going to be like it was before, as such. Then I had a little bit, then I had some more time off. By the time I went back the second time, I felt like I was more ready to go, like I’d given myself time and was ready to go back. And actually, it was ok – ish.

Was there anything that made it difficult to go back? Was it like physical difficulties or was it the mental load of being at work?

Probably all of it. I felt very tired still, and even now I struggle, you know, to do what I did before. Obviously, I’d faced the pressure and stress of the burns but obviously, the extra stress of being back at work and I guess it was the first time I’d had any stress other than the burns. And how I feel about stress now is different to before. It didn’t really bother me before but dealing with stress and pressure feels different now. but yeah, it does, it feels different. So, it was stressful going back but once I got back in the swing of it, it was ok and it’s fine.

I mean, obviously I took a lot of time off work. I had about nine months. I think it’s about nine months off work originally and then I’ve taken time off last year for an operation and, obviously, this year again. I suppose it has impacted on my career, but I suppose, because my children are still young, that’s kind of my focus at the minute more than work. I mean, I am waiting to change roles, but I can’t at the minute because I’ve been off sick and things like that. So, I suppose it has impacted my career but luckily, it’s probably come at a time where my life’s quite busy in other ways that it hasn’t, you know, it’s not something that bothers me particularly at the minute.

I mean, I live about an hour from the hospital. So, I guess, if you add up all the petrol, parking charges, you know and when I was in hospital my partner brought my youngest, who was still a baby, in to see me each day because I was breastfeeding her, so yeah, I guess we must have spent, I dread to think how much, on petrol and parking and things like that. So, yeah, it must be huge.

Yeah, definitely.

We must have spent a lot of money on that over the last three years. It’s frightening, I’m sure. And probably best not to think about but no I, you know, like everything, it’s an additional expense when you’ve got to try and save money when you’re not earning. Yeah, I guess that does have a big impact and I guess, you know, like a lot of injuries can be treated at the hospital, you know we’ve got a hospital 10-minutes from us, but you know, we had to go to one further away. Yeah, I guess that does, and I guess a lot of people have to travel to burns units a lot further than they would to their local hospital.

Yeah, definitely, and I guess it’s that additional expense and additional time and stress and planning.

Yeah, it’s a lot, isn’t it? I guess it is something that adds to an already difficult situation.

So, what was that like for you, to have to be cared for by someone else?

It was quite strange actually as I’m quite an independent person, you know, and usually I’m the one that’s looking after everyone, so it’s a complete change to the, like, dynamic of our family. And that is a lot for somebody to do. But, equally, it’s quite a lot to allow somebody to do that to you. You accept it in hospital but it’s quite intrusive, you know, when someone’s doing that to you, you know, that cares about you, in your home. But yeah, it was weird, but equally, you know, the alternative is keep going to hospital, and it’s something that we could do at home, which was much nicer, and it meant that my husband could go back to work and things like that, as I couldn’t drive at that point. You know, the hospital’s not that close by so I think, it’s an amazing thing that you can do that at home, you know, and not have to go to the hospital all the time.

So, in terms of your relationship with your husband, what’s your relationship been like, since the burn injury, with your partner?

In the long run… It certainly wasn’t easy at the beginning. You know, to have someone that involved in your care, that was very traumatic. In general – not him personally, but – you know, to have somebody involved in your care like that, it was horrendous. But you know, it’s taken time but yeah, you can move past it in the end. But it certainly wasn’t easy, especially at the beginning.

What was it that was difficult about that change in relationship?

I mean, just our whole family dynamic changed completely from how we were before. It was very different. I do everything and my partner goes to work, and it was very difficult to step back from all of the things that I do while he… did them all wrong! It wasn’t easy at all.

What was it that helped you muddle through together?

I guess the things that made it really difficult were actually the things that you know help in the end. When you can see it differently, you know, good intentions and, as difficult as it was to go through all the dressing changes and things like that at home, and I found it difficult, you know, to separate him from that, imagine doing that for somebody. You know, you care about someone that much that you can do that, because as horrible as it is to go through, it must be horrible to be the person that’s doing all those things. I’m not sure, I don’t even know if I could do it and I’ve been through it as the patient, so to speak.

We all try and appreciate time that we spend together. You know, we don’t always get that much time altogether, working shifts and things like that. But we try and make the most of the time that we do have together. You know, because we spent so long not being able to do that. So, no, we definitely appreciate all the time that we have together now. You know, and a lot of times, times that I’ve been off sick, if it hadn’t been for that, we would probably have been, you know, we often work opposite shifts and just have the odd day together. So, I guess over the last three years we’ve had a lot more time together than we would have done in any other situation because I would have been at work. So, I guess it is, that’s one positive, I suppose, if you can look at it like that!

I didn’t actually end up having skin grafts straightaway. They thought that some of it might heal without. So, I then went once a week to the hospital and my partner did the dressing changes at home in between but actually, they didn’t heal. And, in the end, after five weeks, I did have it all skin-grafted, and I think I stayed in. But to be honest, it took a really long time to heal, even with the skin grafts and it was nearly six months in the end by the time everything had healed completely. Yeah, it did take a long time. Generally speaking, I usually saw the same nurse when I went in for my, you know like dressing changes and things at the hospital, which was really nice.

So, what was your experience like of having a skin graft?

To be honest, that part was actually ok. After the horrific few weeks of trying, waiting for it to heal, it was a relief when I finally had them. And things were quite smooth after that, well smoother. And actually it was a relief when they were done. Obviously, I’d spent a really long time by that point thinking about it and actually, the reality of having them done was fine. Obviously it was hard, and I was in hospital, away from, you know, for a few days when they were done, but, actually, it was ok. I was glad it was done, I felt like, you know, it was good progress. You couldn’t smell burns or dressings after I had the skin grafts and that was much nicer.

I’d almost look forward to it, because then it was done for two days. You know, and also having the burns and not being able to see how they’re healing or anything like that, you know, it was nice to see how they were changing but equally, at the same time, to have to go through all that, it’s horrible. It’s a really weird one. But yeah, no, it was really weird, because it’s something that you kind of look forward to, so you could see it was healing you know, and mentally to think “Right, how’s it changed since 48 hours ago when we last saw it?” You know and then to know that, obviously, by the time you went back to hospital a week, or whatever, later, you can show them, you know “Look how much it’s healed in a week” which wasn’t very much but, yeah, it was weird. I mean, they were traumatic and, out of all the things, that’s probably the worst memory of it all, is going through the dressing changes. You know, obviously, it was really painful, and burns have a horrible smell and things like that. It was not pleasant. I won’t lie.