So personally I feel one way to deal with it is force the people to sleep whether it means just putting them onto something. Just make them sleep for a couple of days, because I’ve spoken to a lot of people and a lot of people say, like, they just didn’t get to sleep for like four or five days and obviously that’s really like quite the concern. So it’s just get a lot of sleep and then ask questions and then every day try and ground them back to reality, so it would be like, hello, your name’s Sameeha [surname] they just wanna to confirm you’sre 22. Just wanna confirm you live here. Yeah, just bring them back to reality, do you know what I mean? Just make ground them back to where they’re supposed to be, ’cause that helps like sleep, grounding and then try and, try and speak to them and ask them what’s the matter. ‘Cause it, it helps regarding the quickness, the swiftness of their recovery. Whereas everything else, I think it complicates things more. I do think medication does help regarding the kick start of it. But even I, I remember there was times where I just like hid it under my tongue and they, they didn’t know, kind of thing. So, I wasn’t taking it consistently. And straight after, the whole thing in January I just refused to take them, because I wanted to rely on my own mental strength. So I think although medication is always necessary no matter what, it should always be kind of like last resort. Let’s see if we can get them on, on their own strength and on their own mind, on their own kind of like mental foundation. So they don’t have to rely on all these things.

I think family always come from a good place like they always come like it’s oh we care for you. Especially that time when I was in that place, my family had come to the hospital. My mum and my sister they had come and made sure that I was visited every day, which is great because you’re just stuck there doing nothing. So having people come there and visit you is a good support system as well. Just to let the time go by. So, yeah, no, having them there and just it’s always, it’s always nice to have someone concerned for you. But I think with family, with family they’ve got to be careful because sometimes someone’s over concern can be really really constricting to deal with. So it’s just like they need to know that you’re human and anything that you do shouldn’t always just be that, it might be the psychosis again or, or this behaviour seems like that. Are you unwell again? Are you unwell again, Sameeha? I’m just like, no, calm down whatever, it’s fine, it’s fine. It’s just like, be aware that, that you can be supportive and you can be there for your child or whoever. You can be you can be their rock but you don’t need to overdo the concern. You don’st need to overdo like the watching. You don’t need to take responsibility for it or unless that is someone’s because they have themselves. They have their own being. They have their own mind and they don’t need you or like the family is kind of over, over-watching of you to make sure you fine like the person’s most likely always got it, kind of thing.

For me, my hobby is everyone has that little thing that kind of makes them excited. Like whether it’s a boy band or music. For me, I like music at every day I’m always there’s a time period where I’m just sitting listening, relaxing, making sure I have my own personal time. That’s definitely a, a huge part for me. A lot of times when I’m just in, in huge groups and massive shopping malls and is are so much energy, it’s so draining. So I always need my own time, my own me time and that time where there’s just silence. Personally, I meditate. That helps me. Just get rid of kind of any crazy thoughts or just buzzing thoughts in your mind. Those kind of things. But like, like I said, yeah, just everyone has their little go to’s the little form of happiness, whether it’s like a silly show like, Come Dine With Me. [presenter] makes me laugh [laughs]. So yeah, just little things like just always follow the source of your own happiness, kind of thing. Just follow the things that make you happy and you’ll be fine.

Can you tell me a little bit about meditation and how that helps? Some people might not have thought of that.

Yeah, yeah, sure. For me I just make sure I meditate every day I think try not to judge it. It’s just about being mindful of your breathing. Sitting in a comfortable position. Quieting the mind. Making sure there’s no outward thoughts that you’re judging. Just, just sitting there and observing everything. So, that you are able to justnot take in everything and just being able to just take a step back and be the, not be the perspective, being the observer of it all. So, yeah, I just sit down breathe. If you need to count your breaths, that helps or there’s mantras for people. Yeah, no, I just started learning about the chakras and all that a long time ago and the whole energy and because for me, the whole meditation it’s like science and the whole faith and religion thing put into one. So—

So when you say energy that’s energy moving through the chakra that belief system.

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Flowing energy.

Yeah and like everyone has their own auric field. Everyone has like the, like for example, if I walk into a room, someone’s angry, I could definitely tell. I don’t need my eyes or kind of, kind of any sort of outward thing to confirm that. It’s like when I’m sitting in a room, I can tell like you’re fine. You’re comfortable. You’re open whereas another person. For example, actually during that time period my mum told me I didn’t know, I can’t remember. But my mum told me this doctor he was, he was horrible. He was really mean about things. And he had just come up to me to try and speak to me. I was like, no, I’m not speaking to you. I’m not speaking to you or so it’s that kind of that whole vibe thing.

Feeling. That’s how you interact in the world [overlap] that strong sense for you.

Definitely. Yeah, definitely. It’s like keeping those [inhales] that, that intuition open and keeping that constant open mind that constant like I don’t know whether, it’s kind of like, not instinct, but it’s like being able to just, just feel everything, making sure there’s no blockages in, in that kind of field, that kind of test and feel where you’re just constantly looking out into the world. So I just constantly make sure I’m just free of any kind of prejudice or free of any judgement. Free of, free of any like things like would just pull me down and that don’t help me in life, ’cause it’s just you can put your time into anything, any sort of emotion you can be constantly angry, constantly sad. I was just like, I just don’t have time for that. So, it’s the whole numb thing I was talking about before where I, I didn’t really have any emotion. I was either happy or angry kind of thing. It’s just like keeping your space in the right space and you don’t fall into silly things, because it’s easy to be angry or overcome by many things that are going on in the world. But if you take care of yourself, then you can take care of anything else that comes within, within you and without of you. So whether it’s people or situations or circumstances, you can just feel it as it comes and not be stressed of the future or the past of it.

Even I don’t know where it came from for the very moment. Let me analyse everything that happened and let me judge it for myself for where it came from. For me, it came from various sources fora person’s life and a person’s mind is very complicated. And for people it’s very difficult to pinpoint things that traumatise them. To pinpoint things that make them feel a certain way because in life, people would rather just brush it under the carpet and not deal with it. It’s easy to just brush under the carpet things that bother people in life. Do you know what I mean so. People need to understand that they, for themselves can’t tell other people where the space they’re coming from is because it can come from multiple sources. There’s no one cause and effect for this, especially psychosis, it comes from various spaces. So people need to kind of be open minded regarding where it’s coming from and not just, ’cause I think it’s, it’s easier. And I think people want a reason for why it happened. It’s like oh, it’s got to be this, it’s got to be that. But sometimes it’s not that clear cut. Your just gonna have to accept that as an answer, because otherwise your gonna be finding yourself very unsatisfied and the person isn’t gonna agree with you, for example, I didn’t agree—when someone, when someone said to me oh, it’s this. I would be like maybe, but I feel like it’s more, it’s just more than the one, do you know I mean? It’s more than just the one thing you’re judging it for. It could be multitude of things. But you, you can’t prove that. But I, for certain can say from the space and I can certainly feel the instinct that it’s that that it came from kind of a bottling up of emotions and then outpour, get rid of all the blockages now you know so it can never happen again, kind of thing.

See the video, the video I’m in, I would say was my recovery, because that January I would say was, it was just the whole shock of, I was a little bit sad that it happened. I was a little bit shocked. I felt a little bit guilty. I felt quite a lot of shame. But then, after that, because of the people and because of my own opinion of things was growing and because my whole, my own, my own inner strength of it came from it. So I, I grew to be quite a substantial person from this whole experience. So, there were, the recovery I would say was only at the most, a month. And from the rest of it, it was an experience, the whole thing was an experience for me. And there wasn’t a bad one or was it, was it good, it was simply something I had to go through, because it happened, it is what it is. Do you know what I mean?

And in terms of sort of looking forward to the future now, plans for the future, do you think that that experience of psychosis has had an impact or what about your plan, what are your plans now?

Yeah, definitely, because I even like, like I said, I, I was, I was already not leaning towards law regarding my education. So when this happened, I was like, oh okay [laughs] like I, obviously I wanted to assist which is why I made the video. So it kind of, it, it, it turned my attention towards mental health, most definitely, it definitely this experience, it changed me, without a doubt.

I remember, this period, I, when I was in the hospital, I was watching this guy and this girl was talking and he was being really horrible. He, he was rolling his eyes and he was like, uh, and I think in that period because you just react momentarily. And I slapped the drink out of his hand, because I was just so angry at the way he was treating her. And he grabbed me by the arm and like threw me in a room. So I was like, oh, you don’t, people don’t need to be this horrible. Every, every person in these rooms are suffering. You don’t if you’re not made for this job. If you don’t sympathise or you don’t understand simply don’t do it. You don’t have to force yourself amongst these people, because they don’t wanna be amongst you if you’re not ready for them, do you know what I mean? You just wanna be surrounded by people who are open minded who like look kindly to others.

So was he a member of staff?

Yeah, he was a nurse, yeah.

He was a nurse, yeah. Did you have much more dealings with him then or?

[clears throat] No, like occasionally. But I, in that time period as well [clears throat].

Are you okay?

Oh, no, no I’ve just got a cough. In that time period yeah, a lot of them were like that to be fair. It was like you know you can tell when someone, someone’s intent isn’t right or someone’s intent isn’t coming from the right place. I didn’t really have much dealings with him, apart from that, but he was always very off handish, very kind of rude, kind of he didn’t wanna be there kinda thing. So I always got that kind of atmosphere from him. But I, in that hospital I was only there for a week and then I got moved to another one. So, yeah, that was fine with him.

I wished that the, they would just allowed me to go home because during that time period, it was Christmas time and it was difficult, ’cause obviously the doctors were on holiday. Everyone was off. And the nurses, I was like, I want to, I want to go home. I really don’st need to be here. There’s no reason for me to be here, but because under the Health Act and being sectioned they were just like, we can’t do it. We’re sorry. And I’m just like, you’re not judging it case by case, you’re just, you’re just following protocol and I don’t understand why you can’t look at me as a person and be like you’ll clearly fine, you can go and just sign the paperwork later. So I was trapped in there for longer than I needed to be. And that was making me so irritated, so like upset. And it eventually, on the day that I was supposed to, they were, they were supposed to leave and I think it was like right before new year’s. And we were supposed to see the doctor, my mum had come. And eventually, at the last minute, he was like, oh, the nurse came in and she was like, sorry, he can’t see you today he’s really busy. And I was just like, no, I, I don’t think you understand, I’m not doing it. And then, obviously, my mum got angry, because I was like, I’m not doing it. I’m not staying here. I’m not doing it. And then I was like, listen, at least sort out where I can go for leave and doing the meeting tomorrow, so that I can be released. Because I’m not staying here any more. It’s so, I don’t think you understand how stressful it is. And because we kept insisting that eventually we did get that leave and then we came back for the meeting so I could get released. But it was so annoying. It was all paperwork. It was all paperwork and it wasn’t about me at all. It was like, oh, we’ve gotta allow for the leave. The doctor needs. And I was just like, it’s so pointless, because you don’t understand that people, you should just listen to them, like you should really just listen to them, ’cause being in that place it’s, I don’t, I can’t speak for anyone else, but for myself. But it’s, it’s so like you feel so trapped, so imprisoned. So, you’re not able to do anything. Every like two hours, they’re coming in with a torch in your room lighting up checking you’re not doing something to yourself. So, it’s just, it’s just really stressful, do you know what I mean? Just that time period, even like escaping like being able to leave it’s the biggest relief, the biggest relief.

Do you remember how many sort of days it was that you were in that position where you knew you were ready to go.

I think it was four or five days I’d say, yeah.

Tell me about the YouTube video, yeah.

Cool. Yeah, no, I’d just started making, it was just after the, the time it happened and I’d come back and I’d just finished telling everyone like the people who I trusted. And I’d got great, great feedback regarding that. And I felt comfortable again. But no, I just felt I felt like I didn’t, there was still something I needed to do. I felt still like I, I needed to speak about it even just to the air in front of me and then put it up. And I knew like looking it up, I knew that not a lot of people spoke about it. So I was just like, I’m just gonna, I’m just gonna put on my camera [laughs] just rant about it. Just so if when I need to say that things like even if I felt bad like kind of like a confession for like if I felt bad for doing it like affecting people during that period, I’m just gonna say it. And then, just get it off and then just forget about it, kind of thing. Just move on. Because once you just get everything out, speak it all out, speak all your worries, you can just move on from things and like just not worry about it. You’ve addressed it. You’ve taken responsibility now I could just move on with my life, kind of thing.

So when it was at its worst, what did that kind of look like?

At its at its worst was awful. It’s, you’d, you have no control of it at all. But your, your, how I would describe it ’cause there was a time period where I was in the hospital. It was the A&E and I just wanted to, I just wanted to go, I was surrounded by people. And I think it was a time period where I was acting—I might have been slamming this hinge thing on the wall. I was like slamming it and counting at the same time. And there was loads of people grabbing me and I was like, no, just let me go, just let me go. And it was very overwhelming. But I remember this like especially in that moment. Even I kept blacking out in and out. That I was like sitting, pretty much in the centre of my chest. Yeah, I was sitting in the centre of my chest kind of watching the whole thing go down kind of thing like I was just like this consciousness just, even I was like, oh my god, I’m screaming like from the top of my lungs, but I don’t feel anything. I am just watching it go by. So there was definitely this separation from the ego of which I was Sameeha and it was just me watching this horrible thing go, go by, but there was no judgement of it. It, it was simply what it had to be. There was other periods where I couldn’t even communicate, like say, if I wanted to say something, I couldn’t even say what I wanted to say. There was a time where I’ve only speak, I was only speaking in numbers and colours. I was getting my, my, my moods were very irritable, like I could switch from being happy to go lucky depending on the person speaking to me. Yeah I remember during that period my friend as well right before I went. Completely kind of disconnected to reality. My friend had told me after that she had felt very scared, very frightened for her life. And I was just like, ah, that’s very upsetting to hear, because obviously when you are in that kind of delusional period, you have no intent of anything at all. So, coming back and hearing what you did during those periods is very difficult, because you don’t define yourself by that, but at the end of the day, you did it, so you can do nothing else but take responsibility for it. So, yeah, those are the things that are the most bad. Things like completely out of character, ’cause, for me, burdening people would, I would say it’s one of the worst things I’d do. And I was constantly just in people’s I, I was, I would talk and just mention nonsense and be so sure of the things I was saying and obviously, coming back to that, it’s not pleasant ’cause obviously people can full on witness you not being completely there and it makes them uncomfortable and it makes them obviously they don’t know what’s going on and they don’t understand completely what’s going on in your head. So they, they’re uncomfortable themselves. So that’s difficult as well, working with, kinda thing.

So from then on after that, after we moved back home, I was involved with the early intervention and them and their services.

What was that like?

To be honest, I was, I was so over everything. I was like, I don’t wanna do any of that. I just wanna sit down and chill for a bit. But, no, ’cause eventually I, first of all, I started like ignoring the meetings. I was like, [whispers] I’m not gonna go. I can’t be bothered. I just don’t wanna deal with it. And eventually one lady, she chased me out, she like came to the door and she was like, ”I get the impression you don’t wanna come, but you know, it’s just, it’s just about talking and making sure you are all right.’ And I was like, uh, I feel bad, all right, let me go. So I went and she, to be honest, I think it’s because it was her that I, I, I went to go see her. Because she was very down to earth, she was like now I get it, you don’t, you want to be treated like a human being and everyone’s proved you otherwise. So I get why you don’t wanna do it. And then, eventually, I met I met her a couple of times for coffee and she was like, ”Are you sure you don’t wanna be involved?” I’m like, ”I’m 100% sure.’ And like she helped me kind of just be signed off from the whole thing. But that period was quite long and I had to like explain myself so many times, kind of thing to several different doctors, told them and they had to confirm whether they felt it was alright for me to be off the list like stop being watched kind of thing, ’cause, I guess with mental illness, it’s like you don’t whether someone is gonna be violent or anything or whether someone has just kind of behaviours that affect other people. So they asked me whether I was, whether they whether I had any problems. Whether I kind of acted out like that. So whether I was a danger to society. It’s like, no, nothing like that happened. So eventually they came to the conclusion that’s fine and I could be written off and that I could just go to my GP if there was a problem.

And I had walked out with a bag and I had, I’d been walking around for hours and hours on end. And I think during that time she had called her mum. And I had finally, imag—eventually gotten back to my house, but obviously I think I’d, I think I’d lost the key, eventually on the way, wherever I was going. And I couldn’t get back in. So my friend was like, calling her mum, she didn’t know what to do. Eventually her mum came. And took me to the hospital and then, and then they left. So from there, I was left in the A&E. And ’cause in that state I was still kind of—I didn’t want to be there. I was feeling very like closed in, trapped, imprisoned.

So you just were left there in A&E on your own?

Yeah.

It was during the night still?

No, that was, it was like morning time by then. So it was like 7, 8 probably. And when I was they had left me there. I had, I was there for a little bit. One of the nurses had asked me to take a urine test. But because I was feeling so imprisoned, I just went into the toilet and I was like, kind, kind of run, gonna run out, gonna get out, gonna escape. And so, eventually I got out and went to the house and just stayed there. And eventually and at that time period the police came. ‘Cause my mum, there was obviously some dealings in the background. The police came, took me to the hospital and from then on it was just a long, long- I feel I was at three different hospitals overall, kind of thing. A long transition. But there was never once any a case was made, this is what’s happening. Your, your, you’re going through a psychosis right now. We don’t know what medication you need. We are just trying to find out what’s going on. When I was in A&E the second time and the police took me there, I remember like a lot of people trying to talk to me and a lot of people trying to ask me questions and a lot of people trying to like get, understand what’s going on. But, for me, it I, I found it extremely, I couldn’t answer. I didn’t I myself didn’t know what was going on, because I thought whatever delusional crazy thoughts were going on at the moment of time.

It was my third year. I was just beginning my third year. And it was during the end, towards, it was last September and my student loan had been a bit late as well. We’d had some problems, the landlord as well. Just a few things I had to leave my job because there was some complications there and I was looking for work. And I think during this time period like, I’m myself quite confident human being, so I don’t really, if, if things are going wayward, I just go with the flow like you can’t really help things, kinda thing. But I would say that period was one of stress one of high stress levels, even though I wasn’st willing to accept it, which is why I would say where the psychosis came from. So during that time period and I would say I was getting stressed. And it was a, a couple of weeks I would say there was a lead up period to it. And it was just regarding that time you lose kind of perception of time. There’s a whole lot less awareness of everything that’s going on, you kind of just like lose yourself. And eventually in the, the climax of it kinda thing. You are, you’re just completely out of touch with reality and that what’s happened to me, mid way I think it was half way through December. And yeah, I’d literally just left the house. I didn’t know I was doing it. Walked outside, went to random places, spoke to random people and knocked on random doors. I thought loads of like delusional thoughts. Loads of, there was loads of paranoia. Couldn’t trust anyone. Eventually, when I got to the hospital I felt like even like the tests they wanted to do to me it felt very invasive. I didn’t like it at all. Nothing ever was comfortable during that kind of time period. And, yeah, I’d say regarding my experiences my experience with psychosis it was just like a, a total loss of touch with reality, like. And it lasted for about two weeks until I eventually just came back to myself. And it was like it ended literally right before the new year.

I think during the time period it was like I was, I was aware that like something is coming kind of thing. I could feel it. There’s, there’s like there’s something. I was like, I was not satisfied with the way things were during that time period, I had to, I was always, I was also made aware that I didn’t really want to do law. So I was like, oh, I, even though my whole life I’ve been working up to this point and I mean uni, it’s my third year now. I just couldn’t find the care for it. So it was, it was a very transitional transformation kind of time period. So, for it to happen during that time. It was like, okay, so kind of—

It must have been quite big then. Because you were in your third year.

Yeah, definitely.

There you are, in law, which is sort of fairly, yeah—

Yeah, rigid and structural.

Rigid and structural. And then, you said, it was brought to your attention or somehow—

Yeah. Look at, a month or two I was like travelling back and I was just like, I don’t, this isn’t what I wanna do for life. I’m aware, I, why did I even choose law. Is it simply because of the money, because it’s a good job, ’cause society wants me to work 9-5 every day. And I’m just like oh, I, I don’t even know where I stand in life at the moment. I just followed the path that was easier that my parents took pride in for me. And so now, I just, it was, there was a time where I just need to figure out like who I am and it was a shock, because technically I was an adult. Do you know do know what I mean? I was 21. So, I should know everything, technically according to everyone else, I should know how to run my life and what to do things and how to do taxes and council tax and everything like that. But it, it was a time period like that. I am just gonna go see where everything is. And it eventually it led me to that.

And was there something else going on around you that made you have those kind of, you know, where do I wanna be in life kinda thoughts?

It was, it was just like, I think with everyone, everyone just wants to be comfortable, do you know what I mean? So, it was, uni I was like, out, outcast, do you know what I mean. It was like, you could talk to people, you can have a and b conversation, that’s fine. But everything seems a little bit trivial, do you know what I mean? Small talk only gets you so places that I rarely had interesting conversations. Everyone just wanted to drink. Everyone just wanted to go clubbing. Everyone just wanted like the trivial things. I was never about that, not even when I was younger. So I just found, I just found myself like yeah, in that period where I was just yeah, I don’t know. I mean, I’m in this place where [sniffs] I’ve not been before, because all I did was just follow the ‘Yellow Brick Road’ and eventually I found myself lost, so to speak, kind of thing. So, yeah, I did feel that kind of change come in.

And the school had still kicked her out. And they were just like, ”Oh but the, the resources were available to you.’ It’s like, ”You’re not, you’re not completely be understandable then, are you. You are not completely being open to what you are saying that you stand by and you believe in because you’re saying that you can only be ill from a certain standpoint.

You can only be ill if you like write down and go to the doctors and do the right things at the right time. People don’t work like that. People, it takes a while for people to figure out what they’re going through. To figure out what they’re feeling. To figure out, ’cause there’s constant stimuli in this world and people constantly trying to stay busy. But, when they actually recognise that they’re suffering and then people are telling them, no you’re not. It, of course they are gonna go inwards, of course they are not gonna want to talk. Of course they are not gonna wanna connect or whatever resources you have available. They are gonna just wanna stay silent and stay within themselves. And, for example, this is something similar that happened to me. I, I was like, no, no-one’s gonna understand and no-one’s not going to, everyone is going to call me lazy. Everyone’s gonna be like no, you just don’t wanna do your work. You just don’t wanna do your essays. You just don’t wanna do this. And I’m just like, no, it’s how I feel at this moment and nothing you can say can change that. Nothing you can even if you want to kick me out or if you want to do this, nothing you can write down or choose or, ’cause the whole precedent with the whole uni thing is, nothing you can say, that, I feel the way I feel. I’m standing by it. I’m no longer feeling shame or anything for it, because that’s what a lot of people they feel the shame, they feel the guilt. That contributes to the whole bad feeling. So, it’s just allow people. If they’re saying and they, they seem genuine and they seem honest about whatever situation they’re going through, whether it’s mental or abuse or anything. Just take their word for it and don’t say they have to go through a certain channel for it to be real for it to be genuine, because it’s the worst kind of feeling to go through where you feel, feel like you’re not going, not being taken seriously simply because you didn’t do it the right way, whereas what is the right way there is none.

And it was just regarding that time you lose kind of perception of time. There’s a whole lot less awareness of everything that’s going on, you kind of just like lose yourself. And eventually in the, the climax of it kinda thing. You are, you’re just completely out of touch with reality and that what’s happened to me, mid way I think it was half way through December. And yeah, I’d literally just left the house. I didn’t know I was doing it. Walked outside, went to random places, spoke to random people and knocked on random doors. I thought loads of like delusional thoughts. Loads of, there was loads of paranoia. Couldn’t trust anyone.

Yeah. I was putting random things in random bags. I took the key that was in the door and then just walked out and I think I had a huge duffle bag with me, full of random things. Yeah and then I was walking around the place that I was living in at the time.

What was your intention that night, do you remember?

No, there was literally no intention, like I said, nothing has any reason or like any logic to it. It kind of, I think my opinion of it is how it works is, your mind is going through a mental blip and then your body is simply doing the things that the mental blip is giving out. So, it’s giving out, I’ll go walk around and go do this, go do that. And so you’re walking around and the mental blip is still carrying on kind of thing. And it’s just, your mind is interpreting all, every single concept that’s ever been in your mind. So, your imagination is you think the CIA or whatever is being is following you. That there’s loads of cases where people believe that. So, it just takes, it uses whatever storyline it needs for you to be able to comprehend it. For you to be able to like just be like, oh yeah, this is what’s going on. Even though, in reality, if you are in the mental state you are now you’d be like well that’s obviously a, a story as clearly your imagination, but in that time period, you’sre your mind just wants you to feel somewhat grounded even though you’re not. So I think, I feel like everything that the person thinks or is saying or even though it’s weird and random, it’s just them trying to cope with what’s going on in their minds. Because the mind, you can’t see anything. You can’t see any of the lights or the electrons or anything running through it. So, it’s simply it’s the reactions that you see. That’s my personal opinion on how it works.