Where did you find most help after the crash? Did you go to the..? You were in hospital so you had all the hospital treatment for your broken bones, but did you get any help for your feelings of trauma and stress and bereavement?

My family and friends.

Yes.

I did go and see a, now what they call Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, but I found it useless.

Did you?

Well, no, no, no; friends and family and, I’ve a wonderful son and daughter, the others live out of the country, my daughter’s been a particularly, been, been here in the house almost every day.

Oh that’s wonderful.

And my son is a doctor in Suffolk who has come when he can, when he could and did a great deal for a long time.

What happened during a session of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

Well they just say these silly things that you know already.

They tell you silly

Silly things that you know already. Or get you to talk about silly things.

So that didn’t help at all?

No. There’s only one thing that would’ve helped, if they’d brought him back.

So it actually didn’t help?

No.

It made it more painful?

No it didn’t make it more painful; it just seemed a waste of time. The time of a good psychiatrist.

And there was a very grand memorial service which was nice. Which was the, the BBC arranged because he was, he ran the world service. And there was a great many lovely things were said. I found that very hard to bear.

Well the family funeral was different somehow. The grandson and grand-daughters’ sang.

How lovely.

Both of them beautifully. And you know a few people read things and said that they were; there was a, there was, particularly at the memorial service there were very grand eulogies.

Were there?

Well it was, in a, in a sense it was a kind of comfort.

Please could you tell me your story, with as much detail as you want to include.

We, my husband Austen and I were going to Cambridge from London, our house in London, to a party, it was somebody’s 80th birthday, and it was to be a river, a river cruise. We decided to spend the night in Cambridge, and make a, make a small holiday of it. And so we left the house a bit unnecessarily early, because I always do. We nearly, we, we and I think we caught the train before the one we had intended to as a result, which was a mistake.

You left on the earlier train?

Yes, we left the house earlier than we needed to, as I say we caught the, I think we caught the earlier train, I couldn’t be absolutely certain, anyway we, we, we got into a first class carriage, because we were on holiday, and we got out our magazines and books, and general travel toys. There was just one other person in, in the coach with us, who was, will loom quite large in the story. And we were sitting there smiling, and we both felt quite happy. It was a nice day. We were wearing the right clothes for a trip on the river, it was a party, and the birthday, or a birthday party, and a celebration, then we were going to have a, spend the night in a good, nice expensive hotel, and that’s that really, that’s all I remember.

I had had a series of operations. I knew that after a time, a time. They didn’t complete the operations they were going to do, one of which was to amputate my left foot because they thought I was going to die, and it wasn’t worth putting me through another miserable operation. Anyway I survived, and kept my foot which I was rather grateful for. But I didn’t really realise what had happened. I remember my son saying from a long distance away, You’ve been in a train crash, and Austen is dead. And I didn’t think I believed it. I mean I knew, I knew I was lying on this rather uncomfortable couch, so I assumed something had happened, but I assumed it was some kind of dream or, and I can’t remember when I actually believed it had happened.

But then very slowly I did begin to understand what had happened, and it had been, what had happened was there was a fault in the points, someone had, Railtrack insisted were, could have been sabotaged, which was a load of old rubbish as it was quite clear to everybody that it was these particular points that had been bad, had been badly aligned, and it was a matter of, as the health and safety executive that came said, It was a matter of piss-poor maintenance it’s a good phrase, Piss-poor maintenanc

But they still wouldn’t admit liability. And so for the two or three years after the crash I wasn’t doing what they call grieving I don’t think. I was on the rampage.

Was compensation paid by the rail company?

Compensation was, was, was eventually paid, decent, decent compensation I’m glad to say, I don’t know whetherthere were two women whose mother who was an old age pensioner and was killed walking under the bridge where the train went into it, and was killed by falling bricks, and they were told originally they would get nothing, because she wasn’t, she wasn’t supporting anyone. As if she was worth nothing. They said her life was worth nothing. But they did eventually admit liability to my great relief. And I think it was then I realised that Austen wasn’t coming back.

I, this is what happened to me after I’d realised that it had actually happened. I suppose I can, I had a kind of a breakdown. I haven’t been out of the house properly for for, since then. I’m frightened of leaving the house; I’m frightened of going into crowded places.