Yeah I know, I just felt bad because I didn't know what to tell work why I wanted the, so I just sort of said, “I need to book this week off.” And I booked a couple more days the week after I—, ‘cos I didn't know what to tell my manager why I was taking this leave. So, in my head, it felt easier to say holiday and so I didn't have to explain the reason behind it, which is odd. I just, I think it’s working with males. I didn't feel comfortable explaining why I wanted to go off sick.

Is that because you thought it was a mental health problem rather than the Long Covid thing?

No, it’s a bizarre one. I do know why I didn't tell the males. I didn't want to seem weak if that makes sense ‘cos I work in such a male dominant workplace, I didn't want to come across as being weak or being different. I wanted to be seen as an equal, if that makes sense. And obviously, I don’t know if anybody else has been through the same thing ‘cos they haven’t, so I just, I didn't want to seem weak in front of a male dominant industry.

And how’s that worked going back then?

Well, the past couple of weeks have been, they’re definitely getting better. I’m definitely feeling a hell of a lot like myself now, definitely. I’ve, I think I had one bad day last week, but nothing, nothing compared to what I’ve been having.

So you don’t get the sense they’ve picked anything up then, or no-one’s said anything at work?

No. They, when I was at work and [sighs] I did have, I think it was three days where I tried to go to work thinking I was fine and I sort of, I sort of contained my tears, but they could quite clearly tell like a few snuck out and they sort of said, “Are you alright?” And the more they asked me I was alright, the more it sort of made it worse. So, they haven't really pushed anymore or asked me anymore about it.

I think my mental health deteriorated quite a bit. Like I’ve never struggled with depression or anything like that ever before in my life. And so, I didn’t know what was going on, because I sort of, I was just in this sad…I don’t even know how to explain it, because I’ve never sort of been through anything like it before. But going out with friends, I just didn't want to be there. I just wanted to be at home, in the comfort of my own home. And even going to work, like I just sort of had this breakdown, whereas I, I couldn't explain it. I couldn't tell anybody what was wrong. I just, for the life of me couldn't stop crying some days. It was weird, very, very weird. I went to the doctors. They weren’t too great. They sort of said, “Well, what’s it for?” And I was like, “I don’t know. That’s what I’m asking you for help.” So, obviously they weren’t so great. But they haven't had anything to sort of help them to, if that makes sense.

No, they gave me a number to call about depression/anxiety and anxiety and then I sort of, I sort of rang it and they wanted to know about my life story, and I was like “…but everything’s fine.” I sort of went through my life and they were like, “So, why you like this?” I was like, “I don’t know.” I was like, “Nothing’s changed in my life, like everything’s still the same as it was. I still have great friends and still have—I enjoy my work. Like nothing’s changed.” But just feeling like this which is making me not want to speak to my friends. Not wanting to go to work so, it was, bizarre, very, very bizarre.

Yeah, so I sort of tried to explain and, at this point, I was quite bad, so I was welling up more and well, I started crying. I was like and he sort of kept asking me, “Well, why do you feel like this?” I was like, “Well, I don't know, that’s—” And he sort of just like brushed it off as if, not, he’s probably a nice doctor, but I felt like he just, because I couldn't tell him why I felt like this, he didn't want to know. He was like, “Well, if you don’t know, I can’t help you.” If that makes sense.

Yeah, I don't know because I knew there was because my friend [name] has, works at the hospital and I knew she’d been put through to a Long Covid treatment centre. So, I knew that he knew there was something out there. So, I don’t know if he just brushed it off or he was having a bad day. But I just felt like he didn't want to help me and that sort of why I came home, and I just didn't do anything else after that. I was like, “Well, if they can’t help me nobody sort of can” [laughs].

I only lost my taste a week ago, but my smell, oh it was, I don’t even know how to explain it. I can’t even explain it, like I don’t even know what it smells like. It’s just this awful horrendous smell and it is not nice. I think, my body sort of learned to-, ‘cos I don’t smell a lot anymore, so I don’t know if my body’s sort of ignoring it or if, I just don’t smell anymore.