LeaSuwanna

LeaSuwanna was diagnosed with HIV while pregnant with her second child and was advised not to breastfeed at the time. The guidelines have changed since then and she is planning to breastfeed her unborn baby.

LeaSuwanna was diagnosed in 2003 during her second pregnancy. She breastfed her eldest child, before her HIV diagnosis but was advised not to breastfeed her second child. LeaSuwanna was heartbroken to not breastfeed her second child and still feels sad about it. She took the medication to suppress milk production, but it took three attempts for it to work. Despite the disappointment of not being able to breastfeed, LeaSuwanna feels she still bonded well with her second baby – she would hold her close and stroke her face, just like she had done with her oldest child. Her cousin had a baby at the same time as her, and occasionally breastfed LeaSuwanna’s baby as well.

LeaSuwanna was surprised by her latest pregnancy because she had thought she was experiencing menopausal symptoms. She feels very well informed about recent research about HIV and infant feeding and is determined to breastfeed her new baby. LeaSuwanna is aware that her family members might want to introduce her baby to different foods, so has made plans about how to avoid this while she is breastfeeding.

LeaSuwanna had a recent bad experience in an antenatal appointment. A midwife offered her the usual antenatal screening tests, which included HIV, so LeaSuwanna told her that she was already HIV positive. The midwife was noticeably alarmed to hear this and immediately went to consult another two midwives. She came back to tell LeaSuwanna that she would have to be seen by someone else, and her appointment was cut short. LeaSuwanna made a complaint about this, and later the clinic apologised.

LeaSuwanna is an active HIV advocate and open about her status.

LeaSuwanna breastfed her first baby (now in his 20s) before her HIV diagnosis; she was heartbroken when she could not breastfeed her second child (now a teenager).

Age at interview 43

Age at diagnosis 26

I breastfed my son and was all geared up to breastfeed my next child and they were like, “Er, no you’re not breastfeeding, we have no research on this. You cannot. You’ll end up giving your baby HIV.” There was a lot of negative advice so they said, “Look you can’t do it.” I could have a natural birth, but I couldn’t breastfeed and they gave me the statistics on the natural versus caesarean. I could choose both, whichever. But my mum was like, “Have a caesarean it seems safer de de de.”  So I had the caesarean. I would never have a caesarean again, it’s horrible. I hate it.

And the breastfeeding, it broke my heart. I really wanted to breastfeed her. I didn’t think I was gonna bond. They said, “Well we’ll give you a pill as soon as the baby’s born that will soak up the milk, so you won’t have that as an issue when they cry and everything else.” It didn’t work on me. I had to take it like three times. Then every time she cried, I had like these patches, so that made it even worse. For a little while I was like, ‘oh I might as well just do it’ but I didn’t, I never, it was, because it made me think that I could end up killing my child, so I didn’t.

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LeaSuwanna feels there would be scientific evidence available if men had to breastfeed rather than women.

Age at interview 43

Age at diagnosis 26

I think the main reason why we don’t have that evidence about breastfeeding is because it’s not a man who is breastfeeding. They’d wanna know.

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LeaSuwanna initially told her close family about her HIV diagnosis and now lives openly with HIV.

Age at interview 43

Age at diagnosis 26

I didn’t anyone else to tell them. I just had that fear that they’d be at someone’s house, and they’d be discussing it and they wouldn’t be discussing it in the right context, and they’d try and use it as a weapon against them, so I let them know. My other sister was my birthing partner, so she had to know because we’d be going to appointments, and they’d be discussing it so. I told my dad, yeah just immediate family. It wasn’t till the stigma really started after I had my daughter.

In what way?

Not, people not being knowledgeable, circumstances, this is like later, later down the road, not like within months or weeks of me having her. It was just a long-time cos my family who did know, were like, ‘I think you should stop telling people. It’s not everyone’s business. It’s yours.” And they gave very, very good valid points but I didn’t actually realise they were cutting off a part of me that made me depressed and anxious, and I didn’t like in a way having to lie to people.

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LeaSuwanna’s HIV medications were changed to avoid drug interactions.

Age at interview 43

Age at diagnosis 26

I had steroid injections and the ones that I was on they switched because I couldn’t take if I was taking steroids and I think they did it slightly without me kind of noticing, they were like, “Oh we changed your medication to generic.” That’s I remember them doing that. I don’t remember them changing the medications and then the one that I was on wasn’t, hadn’t been no research had been done in pregnancy. So, they had to change them.

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