Kirsty and Matthew

Kirsty and Matthew were aged 33 and 32 at the time of their first pregnancy.. Kirsty was rushed to hospital after she went into labour at home at 23 weeks of pregnancy. Their daughter was born showing no signs of life. Kirsty was interviewed age 37 and Matthew aged 36.

Kirsty and Matthew were thrilled to find out Kirsty was pregnant as they had been trying to conceive for a while. Everything progressed well with the pregnancy until 23 weeks. Kirsty felt some strong pains and realised that her labour was starting and she was going to give birth to her baby. Kirsty and Matthew were rushed to hospital by ambulance and were met by a team of doctors who would be there to care for their baby after birth. But when Kirsty was assessed they could not find the baby’s heartbeat. When they realised the baby was not going to be born alive, the neonatal doctors left. Kirsty and Matthew found it hard being suddenly alone. Kirsty gave birth to their daughter, named Rebecca, who was born showing no signs of life. Kirsty then had to deliver her retained placenta which took several hours. Kirsty and Matthew spent time with their daughter in the hospital before saying goodbye.

A few days later Kirsty was very upset when her midwife rang to ask why she had missed her routine check-up as the midwife overlooked that she had lost her baby. Kirsty and Matthew decided not to attend their daughter’s funeral service but collected her ashes and buried them in a memorial forest.
They have found it particularly difficult that their baby’s life was not registered officially. This has also meant that they did not receive maternity or paternity leave. They both found it extremely hard going back to work after two weeks sick leave.

Kirsty and Matthew became pregnant for the second time four months later. They both found their second pregnancy extremely stressful, but it progressed well and their son was born at 41 weeks of pregnancy.

Kirsty and Matthew both found doing a charity run to raise money for Sands, the stillbirth and neonatal death charity helped them feel something positive had come out of their experience.

Kirsty and Matthew went away to a cottage for a few days, and felt distressed when she received a reminder about an antenatal appointment that should have been cancelled.

Kirsty strongly felt she often didn’st speak in full detail about her loss because she didn’st want to upset friends and family.

Kirsty described how friends and family thought having another baby would take away her pain.

Kirsty described how she felt she had very little time with her baby after she was born.

Matthew described how fundraising for Sands was the moment he felt he was able to move on.

Matthew felt people don’st really think about how loss affected fathers.

Kirsty found it particularly painful not receiving a birth or death certificate. Her baby was born two days before the official 24 weeks.

Kirsty was taken to hospital by ambulance when she suddenly started to give birth.

Matthew didn’st want to attend the cremation of his daughter as he thought it would be too painful.

Matthew felt the term miscarriage prevented people understanding what they’sd been through.