As soon as you hear of brain injury it’s natural that you’re going to feel slightly concerned for your own sake. Well actually I’ve found that most people are more likely to do harm to themselves than anyone else. I would say. it’s more likely to be an issue of self-harm rather than harming anybody else, which is what people worry about I think. I think people are concerned that you might have an anger management issue of some sort. But not really no. I haven’t really seen people turning on each other. it’s more turning on themselves, which is natural. Well I mean your whole as you know is completely destroyed and then you’ve got to try and patch it all back together if you can, which is not really possible.

Well you know, when you’re watching television or you’re reading newspapers, they always talk about something that’s happened in the media somewhere. it’s always commented on in a certain way. So you’re sort of stereotyped as a sort of a mad person. You know, then somehow you’re dangerous or something or that, you know, you’ve got anger management issues and so on. And I’m sure in the beginning that some people are in that situation. So yeah, you will get socially isolated. I mean that’s guaranteed.

Because all the people that you used to deal with day in and day out, well that’s all gone. it’s like the same if you lose a job, that’s going to be socialisation or isolation’s going to start kicking in slowly. Because people don’t have the same reason or the same motivation to keep in contact with you, do they? But I mean also financially you’re going to be isolated. I mean you haven’t got any money to go anywhere really, have you? And you don’t want to be turning up broke all the time. People soon get weary of that one. That doesn’t, that’s not going to last is it? So you are going to be isolated.

And I think there is a natural fear that people have after you’ve had anything, oh you know, that’s a brain injury, ooh that sounds nasty, but – which it is – but people would wonder, there’s slightly, you know, there’s a always a question mark and you never get rid of that one.

it’s probably partly paranoia, you know, that you’re in fear of something happening. I mean certainly after the bombing of London, you know, when I had the shop. I mean I wouldn’t get the tube to work. I was slightly at that stage paranoid about the tubes. I just walked to work, an hour there, an hour back, makes it a bit harder, but I just couldn’t for a while. So I mean whether that’s paranoia or not I don’t know. But I don’t like being in situations where there’s hundreds of people around moving in different directions and bumping and just doesn’t appeal to me at all. Well in terms of change in the past, I would have been more than happy. In fact it would have been part of my life really. Socialising. But now I can do without it, quite happily.

Why is that?

I suppose it’s a bit of an unnatural fear I suppose. Too many people, too much movement, too much noise. I can’t sort of filter it out. it’s just too much. It can send people into a bit of a spin almost. Or, you know, even with the fatigue thing, you know, sometimes I’d be on the tube coming back from Rehab from UK, coming back to [local tube station], and I’d wake up in Uxbridge, because I’d fallen asleep on the, on the tube. So you really don’t want to be heading out to London, knowing full well that it’s possible that you might just be having a bit of a nap and end up in Uxbridge, which is a nice place, but there again I wasn’t planning that.

Okay.

You’re just going to cut back on a lot of things. I mean, social isolation’s partly your own fault in a way, you just don’t want to socialise to the same degree. No.

I don’t think anything’s secure any more. I think, you know, we’re in unchartered waters so to speak. Anything could happen.

And do you just get DLA or are there any other types of benefits, like employment support or housing benefit? Any of those apply to you?

No it’s just the DLA really. Disability Living Allowance. I’ll check for you.

Okay.

Yes, DLA. I’m never quite sure. They keep changing the names of things as well. I must admit, you know, it’s all a bit dreary having to focus on all that stuff all the time.
Well you know, and having to sort of prove to people that you’re not that well, or you’ve had problems or you’ve got issues or whatever. You sort of could do without that – hardly cheerful stuff. You just know that every time you go to one of those things it’s going to bleak-ish. it’s not going to be pleasant. No, you know, things are changing so fast, that well you just have to accept that. You know, we’re all in this together. So well, I suppose we are.

You got to wonder whether it’s all been changed for some reason or not, you got to wonder about that, whether it’s God’s will or something. I don’t know. Highly unpleasant to say the least. But yeah, you’ve got to wonder why it happened to you anyway. I mean most people are going to think that, why me? You know, what have you done? I don’t know. Apparently I overdress. There we are. So, yeah, I guess I have been dressing down for a while. I certainly have, you know, actually for a long time I really wouldn’t get dressed at all, you know, in my regard to dressing. Dress down I suppose.

You would have dressed down since your injury?

Oh totally. Yeah, you feel much more vulnerable well you’re well dressed. You know, nice three piece, Harris Tweed. Saville Row tailored suit, well you know… I mean I suppose that’s part of the reason they say, you know, you’ve drawn attention to yourself. But, you know, when that’s what you sell, that’s what you’re going to wear so. That is the downside to that one.

And who suggested that you overdressed or that you dressed too well?

Well, you know, somehow it’s, I think people like to think it’s your fault somehow, that you encouraged it. You know, I think that’s the idea. I think generally most, somehow if you’re the victim of crime, somehow you asked for it. That’s what people are trying to infer. Wellthat’s what, yes a lot of, someone’s got to be guilty and if they can’t find the person then obviously it’s you. And I suppose dressing in a certain way will draw attention to yourself, much in the same way if a women is raped, you know, the idea that she might have dressed in an inappropriate way has drawn attention to her, and therefore that’s the reason. Well it’s that kind of logic.

But you know, if you work in the world of fashion you just sort of, that’s just the way it is, you know. It would not be possible for me to function badly dressed really. It just wouldn’t work. Casual’s fine. But I’m perhaps a little bit too sharp for some people.