John says that his mother and grandfather had the same diagnosis as him (bipolar disorder). His father was a heavy drinker’ and his parents marriage was very rocky’. Family life was quite difficult’. He was then in and out of care’ until he was 9 and then had a long-term care order placed on him until he was 18. He found life quite tough in care and had to stand on [his] feet pretty quickly’ and was bullied. He said it was hard to do your homework as it wasn’t seen as something cool’.

John went to college and found it quite stressful’ as he was doing bar work to supplement his grant. This combination pushed him over the edge’ and that was when he had his first breakdown’. He remembers losing a lot of sleep’ and being up a lot later than [he] normally would’. John went with his girlfriend at the time to see his pastor at 2.30am, and he remembers him being very kind’. The pastor was his first port of call’ rather than his GP. He never heard voices but did think the Second Coming was on its way’ and although he was a Christian his thoughts weren’t in-line’ with what he usually thought about his faith. He doesn’t really remember being admitted, but remembers being on a Section 3 and in hospital for six months. John felt he was given the wrong medication’ and was reduced to crawling around the corridor’. He felt like he had been in care and [having been] in [one] institution and going into another one’. He was giving a diagnosis of bipolar at this time. He felt that the doctors were secretive almost’ about [his] illness and the side effects of medication’. Over the next seven years he had eleven admissions to hospital. He felt that he had fewer rights than a prisoner would have when he was in hospital. He would put his medication down the toilet, then take it for a short period to keep the authorities happy’ because he couldn’t accept [he] had a mental health problem’. His describes his life at this time as chaotic’. At one of the times when he was unwell he was abroad and had to come home. He wasn’t given the help he needed at the time, so he ended up being admitted to hospital. He didn’t know about his family history until much later, and feels that, if he had known, he would have accepted that he had a problem’ and would have taken medication and therefore had fewer admissions.

John has been on Carbamazepine and has been for a long time’ and doesn’t really see the point of being on another medication’. Later he went to university and graduated and he felt that it was something [he’d] been deprived of when [he] was younger. So it felt good’. After this he worked for Rethink as a Home Support worker and he had a very supportive manager’. In his last admission he was tri[ed] on different medication’ and had very little choice’ as he was under a section. He had tremors and he was biting on [his] own teeth’ so much that he cracked his teeth.

John says his Christian faith is helpful and he prays every day. His has also attended support groups to get support from a long line of people who have been through similar things. John has also found counselling helpful’ and thinks that his counsellor was a good listener’. He would like to return to work soon, and see friends abroad again. He would like not to have any more admissions to hospital, and to build up relationships with his family.