Yes to be a bit more straightforward with the person. To inform be more informative. I think I didn’t get a lot of information as to what was going to happen or what the results was going to be or anything like that. I think information would be very helpful, yes.

I was happy how the time elapsed between getting diagnosed and the extra operation being done. But there was no back-up really to tell me anything about it or what I was looking forward to in the future. I don’t think even now they after the examinations, it’s just well we’ll see you in 6 months’ time. There’s no’you’re doing alright at the moment’ or what have you. But no there was nofeedback from either the doctor or my surgery as to what was going to happenreally.

So how did that make you feel?

Well as I say bewildered. My step daughter looked it up on her computer and got as much information as she could. But I think it’s limited even on the computer. it’s very rare occurrence or it seems to be in general so there was not a lot of information available. I was told the consultant was the best in his field and so I said well you’ve got to go with it now’ which I did really.

And how about in terms of your relationships? Maybe your relationship with your wife, has there been any effect on that?

Yes I think she’s more of a cuddly person and because I can’t perform any acts now I seem to push her away. So in that respect yes, I’m moreI should say colder than I should be really. But I get no satisfaction so… and as I say we’re getting older so… but she’s still a loving person and she wants it returned and I think she understands most of the time but sometimes she gets to the point where yeah she would like to have a cuddle but no we try to minimise that by sleeping [chuckles] in separate rooms so it doesn’t come to any. I think there’d be more arguments if we slept together than being in separate rooms.

It does it seems to be dead sometimes, your leg, there’s no, no feeling in it. And just make sure I’m steady, I walk with a stick and just I think there is a club but I’ve never been one for going to organisations [slight chuckle] or I just carry on and try make life as normal as possible.

Yes it’s made me more unsteady. I don’t like being with the crowds or because I seem to go off balance occasionally and more so in crowds. If people are coming towards me I’mall of a dither. I so I stay away from crowds. Hence I don’t go in the city shopping now.wander..I we’ve recently improved our superstore up here and err that’s I find that’s a lot better because there’s the aisles are wider and there’s not people coming towards you. You don’t feels so unsafe.

Can you remember the language used when you were given the diagnosis of cancer?

[Slight chuckle] yes it was rather blunt really. He did say that’s… oh that’s cancer. But I’ll get a second opinion. With that he went out the room. Another doctor come in, examined me, said, Yes that’s cancerous’ and that was that was all there was to it. It was left as that. They said, You’ll be getting a letter. And I come away bemused and bewildered really.

What were your immediate thoughts when you heard the word cancer’?

What one normally thinks of… possibly the end of my life.

So how long after the operation was it before you saw the results of the surgery?

Going back to being a coward I daren’t look. I could see the tubes coming from my pyjamas and a bag that I knew I’d got a catheter in. But I didn’t look anything until a nurse come along said why hadn’t I had a shower that morning or a bath. I said, Well I didn’t know whether… what… whether I was allowed to or not or’ she said oh yes you need a shower. With which she undone some bandages that was holding the catheter against my body. Took them away, she said, You’re alright now. You can go into the shower. I said, Right, fair enough. And I went in and had the shower and but then I looked down [slight chuckle] and see what’s happened and that was about it, you know. Apart from, I hadn’t looked previously to see what had been going on.

What did you think when you saw the results?

Well shock really. I thought well I’m going to have to have this catheter for the rest of my life and but then they said, No we will give you a trial without it. I felt better then because I’ve heard of people having the catheter in and it’s causing trouble, so I thought well yes I’m happy to have it out. Which I was, yes [chuckles].

And what kind of aftercare or support do you receive from the hospital in terms of check-ups and follow-ups?

Only my six monthly visits to the hospital. You just… I just get examined. Takes about five minutes. Then he says see you in six months’ time, everything’s going alright. So I think well good, I’ve got another six months [chuckles] and Yes it’s so I take it from every six months I feel happy til I go there and you get a bit trepidation then’ is it all alright and But no there’s apart from that no there’s…that’s the only back-up I get.

At those appointments do you have any blood tests or scans?

No, no. They’ve, I haven’t had any scans for ages. The only blood tests I get is when I have diabetes… I’m diabetic Type 2. Which every 6 months I get checked at our own surgery. The week before I have the diabetes checked out they take blood. And then I go and have a urine sample and then they come and tell you what’s happening. Touch wood [chuckles] everything’s been [chuckles] alright there.

If we’re going out in a group I might need the toilets and I have to go into the cubicle rather than a urinal. As I said I have a Radar key which is handy because you go to the toilets, say you’re on the coast some of them are vandalised and you can’t lock the doors and you’reso it’s a bit embarrassing so with the Radar key, you’re in the toilet, you’re in by yourself and you can do what what’s necessary and out again. Yeah.

To goany distance I need to make regular stops I’m not so confident in driving any distance because you can’t just stop and go behind a hedge. Not nicely [chuckles]. I haven’t tried it but [chuckles] I would think it’s very awkward so yeah I don’t, even to go to 30 miles say to [town] I usually stop at [other town] and use the toilets there. So it’s about half way and I need to relieve myself. Yeah [chuckles], yeah.

So how long after the operation was it before you saw the results of the surgery?

Going back to being a coward I daren’t look. I could see the tubes coming from my pyjamas and a bag that I knew I’d got a catheter in. But I didn’t look anything until a nurse come along said why hadn’t I had a shower that morning or a bath. I said, Well I didn’t know whether… what… whether I was allowed to or not or. She said, Oh yes you need… need a shower. With which she undone some bandages that was holding the catheter against my body. Took them away, she said, You’re alright now. You can go into the shower. I said, Right, fair enough. And I went in and had the shower and but then I looked down [slight chuckle] and see what’s happened and that was about it, you know. Apart from, I hadn’t looked previously to see what had been going on.

What do you think has been the major effects of the illness or from the treatment on your daily life?

Obviously you get down sometimes you think well why me? Why has it happened to me? And, but… you know I think well there’s people in worse situations than I am. So get on with your life. But I do go into depression occasionally. But most of the time, I think well there’s people a lot worse off than I am. Just get on and make the best of your life.

Have you had any support for that depression?

No I’ve apart from yourself that’s the first time well the wife obviously knows I get depressed and I have mood swings sometimes I take it out on her. No it’s the first time.

Should you be offered any emotional support, would you take that up?

It’s not happening on a regular basis. It’s some things just get on your nerves and drives you into a sort of depression. Nine times out of ten you can snap out of it and say to yourself well you know, as I said before, there’s people worse off than you are. But no. I’ve never mentioned it when I’ve been up to the surgery or whether I when I go for my checks. No. Apart from myself and my wife. Probably she’s told her daughter that I have mood swings and yeah. But I don’t make common knowledge, no.

Yes possibly I should have gone sooner because it was discovered on a diabetic check. Well prior to that I had the nurse said there was a spot of blood in the water but she wasn’t too concerned but within 3 or 4 weeks of that I was passing more blood and in fore… with foresight I should have gone back there and had it checked out but being a coward [chuckles] I didn’t do that. I just let it run on to the next 6 monthly check where it was picked up and I had no options then [chuckles].

As I say, there was all in the same position as you were. They some knew I was closer to some of the patients like the chap in the next bed asked me what I was in for and I said it was penile cancer and I’ve had it removed andthat was that was as far as it went you know. He didn’t enquire as to what the symptoms were. Nobody nobody asked what the symptoms are or sotherefore I suppose it it’s such a rare occurrence that nobody seems to bother really.

And then the operation was… took place and went down to the because I’ve COPD they didn’t want to put me out so they said, Would you have the epidural?’ So I said, Yes. so I had that. I didn’t know [chuckles] what they that involved but it freezes you from the waist down and I was taken into the operating theatre. I could hear the music playing and the conversation between the consultant and the nurses and doctors, what have you, and the anaesthetist stood just by my side keeping an eye on my pulse

How did it feel being paralysed from the waist down?

Strange [chuckles]. Very strange obviously after they’d done the operation they put a catheter in so I didn’t need to get out of bed to go to the toilet in that sense so But my legs felt as if they was in cement. Very heavy andyes.

Could you feel anything during the operation?

To start with I could feel them I take it they had a low…I’d taken a some pubic hairs off myself. Obviously that wasn’t enough and I could feel the electric razors around that area when they was pressing. But that was only for a moment or two. Apart from that I didn’t feel anything.

And how long did it take for the epidural to wear off?

.I suppose until the next morning before I could have because I was… I must have slept alright [slight chuckle]. And in the morning I could feel my legs and the constriction of the surgical stockings because they seemed to tighten your legs up anyway [chuckles] don’t they? So yes very, very uncomfortable, I was glad to get rid of those [laughs].

I think I was the only one who was dealing with any actual surgery removal of any parts. The rest were in for rodding as they said [chuckles] being rodded and a couple of hernia patients. Apart from that we was all in the same position. We all had catheters in and being well you had to, you had to make a laugh and a joke out of it especially when you was on nil by mouth. You know you say well what you having lunch today?’ and you say fresh air pie’ [laughs]. But yes it was I think they was all in the same boat really. You was all in there some were in more pain than others I think some people are more prone to feeling pain than others and perhaps I was lucky I didn’t feel I wanted to keep on being a nuisance to the staff in anyway. At least I hope not. Yeah I… that was… that was about it.