Honestly it’s terrible, it’s misinformed, it’s dangerous I don’t think there’s really, I think maybe the [national newspaper] have okay coverage, that’s the only newspaper I would vaguely trust but even then I’m very sceptical because of how bad the rest of the media is. The figures are wrong the, the way it’s put towards people is completely wrong it’s disgusting I think these journalists the media and people putting this through are doing real damage to people I mean, you know, there’s been a huge surge in Transphobic hate crime recorded and I think a lot of that is to do with the negative media attention that’s been going on. You know, and like the current kind of cases in the high court questioning gillick competence stuff in terms to whether under 18’s can take puberty blockers I think it’s irresponsible and dangerous and I think if that case does end up being ruled that trans people, that under 18’s can’t take puberty blockers which I really don’t think it will and I hope it doesn’t, touch wood you know, that’s trying to pave the way for people to roll back the rights of under 18’s to take stuff like contraception rights, plus abortions and I think that people are really, the hype around it and the data is being, as I saw just dangerous I think coverage is irresponsible and dangerous. And I think that people who have been pushing us towards, journalists that have been pushing for this angle should be ashamed of themselves, really should be ashamed of themselves and should really, really just, they owe a lot of people apologies apart from anything else and they should acknowledge that they were wrong and they have been wrong and are printing misinformation and have been printing misinformation deliberately I won’t wanna say deliberately because, you know, but I think a lot of the oops we made a mistake is not really a mistake more of a we can push this through then do a small correction in a few weeks’ time and no-one will notice.

I am gonna start off cheesy but, you know, it gets better, it’s going to get better, you are valid, you are loved you have an amazing community that you can, you know, tap into if you want to but you don’t have to you know, you are worthy of respect and that you are worthy of yeah care and that you are, you know, you are you and that’s really special, you know, no-one else can be you. You are unique and that’s good and yeah but also if you do think you might want medical intervention get on that waiting list sooner rather than later [laughter] because it’s gonna be a little bit of a long wait but you can do it.

Abolish gender identity clinics, informed consent, hormones for all over 16’s because that’s you know, Gillick component stuff and then for potentially for under 16’s on a case by case basis you know, as assessed or as discussed and, you know, found appropriate by their doctors I think is probably the best way forward, I might be, you know, might be happy I could be wrong on that, I don’t know enough about, you know, under 16’s healthcare specifically but I think it’s something that needs to be done, you know, you can’t just blanket say no, none of it, I think it depends on the person it may be appropriate or it may not be appropriate and it depends also on their family and how accepting their family’s going to be. If their family is, you know, unaccepting of this person being Trans it may not be appropriate for them to have hormonal therapy or at that point puberty blockers for example may be appropriate because, you know, you don’t necessarily need to tell your parents or they may not necessarily know. But that’s another kind of issue entirely, but yeah I think maybe informed consent models are good which should definitely be for over 18’s and, you know, or over 16’s and then case by case informed consent for anyone younger that it applies to although again, you know, no-ones saying that seven year olds should be having surgery or hormones, I’m certainly not saying that [laughter]. And just, yeah in general our healthcare providers be more aware and yeah just not these arbitrary gate keeping long windows that are there as a relic of the past essentially.

One thing I do notice is you know, when I have done a STI screenings we have a kind of locally there’s that unity that do STI screenings and they ask, you know, are you male or female and would you describe yourself as Trans and they go further saying, you know, do you have a, do you have a penis or do you not have a penis I think was the question, so I kind of filled that out so you know which was fine as a question or set of questions. And you know, they sent the healthcare kit and it was non-gendered you know, it was a swab and stuff and just said, you know, with instructions using, you know, clinical language but not saying any reference to male or female. But I do notice at University or other places they’ll say like male chlamydia test kits, female chlamydia test kits for example which is just really like, you know, like they could just change that, you know, and say like, you know test kits for vagina or vaginal test kits or test kits, I don’t know exactly there’s, I’m sure there is language, they haven’t exactly got it but I feel small changes like that like not just make you saying male for female and I noticed as well they usually, the female ones are in the pink packaging and the male ones are in the blue packaging and it’s like, I do get that they want to try and code it so you can easily tell but I feel like there are other ways to do that that could be explored and, yeah that basically I feel like it should be, you know, my limited experience that yeah it should be a lot more less, sorry a lot less gendered because often they are and I’m lucky to have access to a service locally that isn’t gendered and is very good at that but I know that a lot of places aren’t that good and yeah.

It’s quite demoralising to know I’m so far away and, because, I mean, so Coronavirus and all that has put everything completely on hold so… But even without factoring that in you know, it’s kind of knowing that I’m still about 2 years away at least from getting my first appointment where the they kind of talk to me and do the interview and decide that ‘Yes’ – I really am trans – which I’ve already been through once and that I’m already on hormones and they kind of go ‘Yes that’s fine’ and then with [GIC] particularly then have another waiting list you go on once you’ve had your first appointment besides whether they say ‘Yeah you’re trans enough’ you then go on another waiting list to see someone who will then either refer you for hormones or for in my case it would be top surgery because I will not be able to afford top surgery privately, it’s about £7/8000 which is not money I have unfortunately. So I now have to wait, have to wait 2 years at least plus another 1 year or more, it’s getting longer by the day obviously to then speak to the person who can give me my referral for top surgery and then I’d have to wait again for another referral, I believe they want two referrals so another years’ wait in theory for the next appointment so that’s 4 years and then by the time I’ve got my two referrals for top surgery I need a I need to wait for the top surgeon and all the top surgeons in the UK have like, I think at least 8-month-long waiting lists. So it’s kind of the knowledge that it’s gonna be another 5 years at least until I’m able to access surgery.

So from your first, putting on that first sachet of testogel what was your experience from then on?

Yeah as I said obviously it just felt right and happy and good yeah, I think the kind of the first thing I noticed although it could have been like not necessarily directly from the testosterone but like a just general like I felt within days a lot happier in general and I felt like I had more energy I noticed one of the first things I did notice physically to change was I had some lower growth within the first two weeks and I also noticed that my smell like started to change somewhat and I was generally a bit smellier and like needed to shower more often was kind of the first few things I noticed. And yeah so like energy, having more energy has kind of stayed the same I’ve had the same amount of energy since, I’ve been happier, obviously there’s been ups and down but and another thing as well is libido, my libido increased ridiculously really it’s not for, it doesn’t happen to everyone but for me it was kind of it went ridiculous I won’t go into too much detail but for the first year or so I had a really, it was like being, going through puberty, it is literally going through puberty again it was like, you know, that, I also noticed I could get a little bit more like mood swings and a little bit more irritable quickly and stuff but I think that’s again a sort of puberty thing and again it levelled off after the first few months.

Trying to think, the next sort of change I noticed were getting kind of hairier getting more hair on my stomach, my leg hair getting thicker arm hair getting thicker, general just yeah thicker hair everywhere, just everywhere you could even imagine in places you couldn’t. So it was kind of in the next three or four months mark. I think about the sixth or seventh month mark I noticed my voice was visibly, was audibly dropping there was a few times before I thought oh maybe my voice is dropping but then it dropped and I realised it was dropping that was about six or seven months in and it’s still kind of its settled now I’m kind of just about the two year mark it’s pretty settled but it does still sometimes occasionally wobble as it were kind of do the yeah voice breaking crack thing but yeah for about a year it was kind of cracking and not quite cracking and, you know as one would expect from anyone who’s broke, had their voice break. So that was kind of again about six or seven months in facial hair I first noticed growth of about eight or nine months in I kind of noticed I was getting a bit of a really terrible teenager moustache kind of started shaving then because I didn’t like the way it looked but it kind of, I noticed on my side burns as well I noticed kind of starting to come in as well.

I’m trying to think, changes, I think those are most of the changes like I noticed like looking at photos of myself I’ve noticed like how sort of the fat distribution on my body has changed and stuff and skin softness as well and again I don’t think about this now but I think about three or four months in I noticed my skin felt like just less soft more like, not quite rough but yeah oilier as well, oh yeah acne I never really had issues with spots or acne before starting testosterone I was very fortunate there then starting testosterone about three or four months in my face just exploded it went mad and kind of mad for about a year now it’s less bad, it’s still worse than it was before taking testosterone but I’ve got it under control I think it’s partly because, you know, hormones have levelled out, my body’s more used to it and also because I’ve got a better skin care routine going advice to anyone starting testosterone would be to establish a good skin care routine, moisturise moisturising is so important and find just what works for your skin and it will probably change from before testosterone to after testosterone. But yeah skin, oiliness, hair oh yeah facial hair so I’m kind of nearly two years in I still can’t grow a beard but that’s pretty typical for anyone going through puberty Trans or cis, you know, usually takes about three or four years for most guys to be able to grow a beard. So I’m not too worried about that, obviously I’d love it if I could and some guys do grow a beard after six months but the vast majority of people including me have kind of I’ve a dodgy moustache I can grow, I can grow my side burns out but there’s nothing here [laughter]. But yeah I think those are my kind of big changes in testosterone I’ve noticed.

So I don’t do anything or have anything through the NHS so but when I kind of first came out as trans I did a few sessions of therapy with a local group called [name] in [city]. They did 6 sessions of therapy like, people who were kind of questioning gender or who are transgender and kind of questioning stuff around that or want to just explore deeper with like a therapist that’s trained in those issues specifically. So I did two courses of that, 12 sessions in total which was really beneficial just for like – not that being trans is a mental health issue but there are mental health issues that can be exacerbated or kind of caused by being trans, you know, you experience dysphoria because you are trans and you know, it’s the way, or you can be depressed with anxiety and stuff as a result of, you know, the reactions you have from people or kind of, knowing like the waiting list is so long and knowing, yeah, you know…? No, it’s almost like, I remember saying to the therapist, no shit: ‘I feel depressed like, I know I’ve gotta wait several years before I can even begin to change certain things about my body that I feel like need changing, you know, of course I’m depressed, of course I feel bad’.

Yeah I mean currently I’m seeing a therapist privately not specifically for trans issues but support with you know, depression kind of stuff which trans issues do factor in somewhat especially, you know. I see in the news a lot really transphobic just hateful articles and messages coming from everywhere, you know, right wing and left wing newspapers, you know I expect it from right wing you don’t expect it from the left wing. Just seeing that shit everywhere does take the toll on you and it does make you feel low, it does make you feel just like alone and isolated so I do see a therapist and kind of talk around that stuff with them and again I’m lucky to be in a position that I can afford to go to private therapy because unfortunately the NHS doesn’t have the funding or the kind of ability to provide long-term therapy for many people at all. I don’t think every trans person does need long-term therapy or even any therapy at all but for me personally some of that has been beneficial to me to have a space where I can talk about how I feel and, you know, stuff that’s important to me and issues that are affecting how I’m feeling that have to do with being trans in a confidential space where I know I’m not going to be judged.

I have a fibromyalgia which makes it quite painful to bind sometimes so often I do skip out on binding because it’s too painful or restricts my ability to kind of move around more than I’m able to which make me feel really dysphoric but, you know, it’s kind of the comfort versus safety sorry yeah comfort for myself versus like the safety of not binding for too long which is a drawback. And then also the issue that binding for too long can impact the results of your top surgery or if you can even get top surgery in the first place which is ridiculous I mean it’s just, you know, what happens but it seems ridiculous to me that it’s not more of a, you know, that it takes so long to access top surgery and especially when you see in the news all this crap about how three year olds are being forcibly Transed and surgically experimented on when it’s the furthest thing from the truth and it’s so clear that these people have never spoken to a Trans person in their lives.

First of all I had to get a diagnosis of gender dysphoria so for that I had to contact one of their clinicians so I just sent that person an e-mail saying Hey I’m [name]’, you know, answered, they have like a list of questions on information they need from you on the website like age job all kind of stuff where, you know, any health info, any relevant stuff. To get in contact with them is I just sent an e-mail using that guideline, I got an e-mail back really quickly they said you know, that’s fine they can do that appointment, I think it was £250 at the time, I think that might have gone up now so do check, not necessarily current I had to travel to London to see the doctor and I kind of had, it was a short kind of hour talk where we talked about, you know, me, my identity, why I felt I was Trans you know, my experiences kind of health issues, you know, health like background so like if there’s any reasons why you shouldn’t be given, you know, the go ahead for going on testosterone hormone therapy you know, really nice it was really lovely actually really relaxed, you know, it wasn’t judgemental they aren’t trying to gate keep in my experience.

They just wanna, you know, know who you are and check that, you know, you haven’t got any underlying health issues that may mean that you can’t go on hormone therapy so for me that was easy. I then had to, they said, you know, yeah I’m happy that you’re Trans I believe that you’re Trans here’s your little letter of Transness which is again the person I spoke to said, you know, they didn’t, they hated that they had to do this they felt that, you know, should be able, someone should be able to say I’m Trans and be believed but because this is the process, that was the process. you know, that we would, sorry we then went on to they said, you know, here’s your letter, here’s your referral if you book an appointment with the endocrinologist after six weeks or whatever you can book it for I think six weeks was how long I had to wait, I think it’s longer now but again it’s been a couple of years so yeah I did that. I had to get blood tests results first, they gave me a list of all the bloods I had to be taken they just went to me use your GP and have them take the bloods and check it and then take those blood test results to the endocrinologist we spoke about, you know what I wanted from testosterone you know, what my current like blood result levels were and what was relevant, that everything was fine there, you know, all normal, all good. They took my height and weight there at the time and just kind of generally talked about what I should expect make sure that I was happy with that and understood you know, what I was kind of getting myself in for as it were, you know, I understood what the side effects would be and that you can’t pick and choose it’s just what your body would naturally do so it was all cool, I said yeah, you know, happy with that and the endocrinologist said, you know, my levels were fine they believed I, you know, understood everything and that they were happy to prescribe me and I got testosterone or my testo gel that I take that day and I’ve been taking it since. I then had a six monthly, they had six monthly check ups at first, I had my first check up in the six months after that so I think it was the September or October of that year and they kind of just looked again took my blood test levels a few weeks before, went back to kind of the endo they looked at it said yeah that’s good, you know, everything’s normal you haven’t had any like issues with cholesterol stuff, your weight’s fine, your height, you know, this is what’s changed kind of checked I was still okay with everything.

And then, you know, everything was fine and they tell me again to come back in another six months which I did, again took my weight, checked everything, checked if I was like feeling fine, checked my levels everything was fine again and now I’m on they said, you know, come back in a year’s time. So from now on it should be yearly check-ups, so it’s kind of pretty simple getting one and monitoring again and they’re really good at replying to e-mails of like, you know, if you’re worrying about stuff or are unsure about something or, you know, like is this okay, is this the normal change and they’ll be like yeah that is the normal change. Really, so yeah my kind of experience was positive, I think cost wise the initial appointment I believe was £250, I think the first appointment with the Endo was £300 off the top of my head, again I think the prices might have changed and then the six monthly or yearly appointments are a £100 each so yeah obviously it’s financially quite a big investment and I’m fortunate in having been able to afford that but yeah because of the shared care agreement with my GP I get all my prescriptions through that sort of £9 a month or £9 every script just the standard NHS charge. So yeah, that’s kind of my experience.

Kind of further on had issues and so had a shared care agreement with Gender Care to get my testosterone prescriptions on the NHS so that I can get like just pay the NHS rate instead of having to pay £40 out of pocket otherwise I wouldn’t be able to afford it which was good and that was fine, they agreed to that they were happy with that for a few months. And then after about four or five months one of my friends who is Trans, a Trans guy one of my friends went through the same pathway with Gender Care, you know, had a shared care agreement had it sent back to the GP and the GP refused him and then he said why have you refused this and he said we don’t do shared care agreements, so he said, with my permission I know for a fact you do you’ve got one of my friends gets testosterone through you this is exactly the same script I don’t, you know, my friend doesn’t have any, you know, I don’t have any issues, my friends doesn’t have any issues that would mean I can’t take testosterone why are you refusing and they said we don’t do shared care. And then they refused to do his shared care agreement, they refused to do anything with that, they had loads of meetings and they started trying to take, they tried to take my shared care agreement away they said they didn’t wanna do it anymore my endocrinologist [name] bless her she is an angel got on the phone with them and had a right, no you’ve agreed to this you can’t take this away this is really harmful to take it away and they kind of begrudgingly agreed to continue prescribing and have continued prescribing. But yeah that was definitely kind of a, for a month or so I was really worried like I’m not going to be able to get my script anymore they’ve just arbitrarily decided no. And my friend was not able to access it my friend had to go to another GP, they tried about five GP’s before they found one to prescribe and I’m kind of whilst I’m still with my current GP for ease of access I am kind of looking around for a more Trans friendly one that I’m not gonna have to worry every month that oh what if they take away my script now.

Grew up in a very small town kind of, well it was quite a big local school but it was all like the surrounding towns and villages went to this one secondary school. There was no LGBTQ like education before secondary school and then at secondary school it was like in Year 9 we got like a couple of lessons, we got one lesson that was like ‘Okay everyone here is some fake penises, put some condoms on them – but you have to hand all the condoms back in afterwards because the school board won’t let us give out condoms and, you know, won’t let anyone potentially keep a condom’, which is like gross because these were like condoms that have been unrolled and re-rolled down and unrolled and re-rolled down several times, you know, they were using the same condoms for like every class, it was gross but, you know, so like even if someone did want a condom I don’t think they would have taken one of those but, you know. So yeah [laughter] and then I think we had one or two lessons that were like kind of just about sex but it was very, you know, ‘Penis in the vagina this is sex’, gay and lesbian kind of as terms were mentioned and I only remember this because I remember them teaching me like acknowledging well done because I knew that lesbian originated from Lesbos the island because of Sappho, is it Sappho the Greek poet but that was basically it was like yeah ‘Lesbians exist’ that ‘When a woman loves a woman and, you know, they can have sex’ but they didn’t go into any sort of like that’s how, and here’s how sex might be same for gay men. They kind of said ‘Yeah men can also love men’ and they didn’t really go any further than that.

So there was an acknowledgment that gay relationships can happen but there was no sort of mention of my sexuality, there was no mention of transness and there was no sort of anything but penis and vagina sex, no sort of like, and even then it was kind of limited, you know, like wear a condom this is how it works, yeah it was mainly about, I think as well we had one other lesson which was on STI’s and why they’re terrible and why, you know, you shouldn’t have sex or if you do you should only be with certain people you love, you know. It wasn’t quite American Abstinence only teen because they did talk about condoms and stuff but it was quite limited and, yeah really didn’t go into detail on anything other than ‘Here’s how babies are made’.

it’s been pretty positive like I don’t always get read as male but you know, at University I’ve been, lucky enough to kind of be like if someone’s misgendered me or if someone’s kind of, yeah used the wrong pronouns or stuff, I’d be like hey it’s actually he or hey [name] you know, I’m a Trans guy and they’ve been like, got it, apologies and moved on so I’ve been lucky in that regard. There have been some non-direct issues I’ve had so there’s a lecturer at my University who is very outspokenly transphobic on Twitter and when I was [laughter] when I was at a counter protest against a meeting of transphobic people to be transphobic and shitty I kind of attended a counter protest there and a picture of me amongst other protestors was kind of shared and this lecturer actually described us as hateful, I believe hateful men and deluded lesbians which was interesting I did get in contact with my University and, what’s the word like equality unit and they were really helpful, really lovely you know, kind of said like I didn’t want, you know, my name involved in it and they were very good about not kind of just having a general complaint and just kind of generally what’s the word yeah they were really helpful, really supportive, you know, really took me seriously and listened to my concerns.

The lecturer does still work there and basically nothing has changed except the twitter now reads views are my own but yeah but I appreciate that there’s limited that people can do and I didn’t, you know, it’s not like I wanted, I didn’t want, you know, the lecturer to necessarily lose their job but I was concerned and still am concerned that they’re, because they are very obviously biased against Transgender people they are partly responsible for choosing PhD and Masters applications I feel they would be very biased against any Transgender applicants which is a concern of mine but I’ve kind of pushed it as far as I can go and once the you know, the equality team have been great, they listened to me but there’s only so much they can do they’re not in charge of that kind of stuff and it’s kind of yeah.

But when it came to actually having the complaint heard that was good and like the main negative I’ve had at University, the only other issues were kind of like just general ignorance and kind of transphobia just not through malice, not through, just not knowing better, which still kind of can suck but people have been, well I’ve kind of said like actually biological male or biological female was not really the terms used or the terms that are preferred to be used and kind of does come across as quite, or can come across as transphobic or not kind of because the idea of biology is so, you can’t narrow it down to one thing and it’s all kind of a social construct and, you know, I’m going to deep theory about this which is [laughter] for hours which but you know when I’ve kind of said to, you know hey instead of saying biological male, biological female you can say cis male, cis female, they’ve gone cool, thank you for letting me know and that’s kind of been good so that’s been again positive on my end.

The first healthcare professional I actually came out to she was… I’d booked an appointment for something else and I also brought up being trans there and she was really, really fantastic actually she was a nurse and so wasn’t able to refer me but she kind of said I’ve not done this before but, you know, the first thing she said was, you know, how do you want me to refer to you and I said he/him and [name] so she instantly did that switched, she was so good, she said, you know, she admitted that she didn’t have much knowledge but she would tell me, she told me to talk to one certain GP because they have the most experience with that and she said, you know, ‘This is a University healthcare centre I imagine this is not the first person that will have gone through this here’, you know, this is the GP I think would be best for you to talk to because they have more experience in mental health stuff, not that being trans is necessarily mental health but it’s related to or most likely to kind of have knowledge about that. So that was actually a nice experience because of this certain nurse she was really good, really on point, really, you know, admitted she didn’t know what exactly and apologised kind of she was misstepping but then she was really respectful and yeah which is I think why we ask from people, you know, not saying you’ve gotta get everything right but the respect, you can tell when someone is doing something with respect and you can tell when someone is not.

My GP has not been particularly great at anything, I remember when I gave them my deed poll to say I’d changed my name I gave it over and they, well I said, you know, Hey I’ve changed my name by deed poll is there a form to fill out?’ and Yes sure here you go this is the standard form’ so they gave that to, you know, gave that to me to I fill out the form I gave my deed poll and my name and said, you know, Is this good?’ and they said Yeah that’s standard and we’ll file it away, you know, should be done next week. And then a mouth later I had an appointment and I was called by my previous name so afterwards I kind of went to the desk and was like Hey I did bring this form in about a month ago and I was told it should be done by now, is there anything else I need to bring in, is there a problem or something?’ and the person said No there shouldn’t have been, you know, well what, what did you do, what happened, you know, what name are you changing to?’ and I kind of said and I said, you know, I’ve got I can go and grab a copy of my deed poll because at the time I was living on the University campus and this was the Campus GP so it was like two minutes’ walk, so I did, brought it back and they went ahhh and I said, you know, Is there a problem?’ and they said I think it’s because, you know, the receptionist didn’t really feel comfortable with changing your name to such a masculine one’ and I was like okay Well this is my name’ and she said I’m really sorry about that, you know, I, you know, I just think it’s that receptionist being a bit funny I’ll sort it with you right now’, and she did. But the fact that, as she said at first it as just not changed because a receptionist arbitrarily choose, decided that no this, this can’t be a name for this person because I think it’s too masculine was appalling actually and I wish I’d pushed it further at the time but I didn’t, so. Yeah that was my first kind of experience of the GP surgery a quite negative experience in the GP surgery and it really just yeah, bothered me understandably.

So after I’d come out to everyone else in my life I started by saying that at university people were calling me [name] as a nickname and that I would prefer to be called that and they reacted kind of ‘But that’s not your name’ and all kind of like ‘Oh I struggle’, [because] one of my cousins changed their name for non-trans reasons a couple of years back, and they said ‘Oh well, you know, we struggle enough with your cousins name changing, we don’t know if we’ll be able to do you’. So I was kind of like ‘Okay’ and I kind of took that as not a good thing and so left it a couple of months.

And then I think it would have been… Yeah so a few months later I kind of just I got quite drunk with some friends and stuff and I messaged my younger brother who’s probably the person in my family that I felt most comfortable to come out to and I just said to him ‘Hey I’m transgender, you know, I, from now on if you could call me [name] and think of me as your brother that would be important to me, thank you’ and I got a reply in the morning that was basically ‘Okay, cool.’ Which was… my brother he’s younger than me, at the time he would have been 16 or 17 so that was basically as near to ‘Woo! Great, that’s amazing, good job! Like, I love you!’ as my 16/17 year old brother was kind of like telling me. Was like ‘Okay, cool can I just get back to whatever I was doing?’

And then my parents were less accepting, my mum’s kind of reaction was “Well why can’t you just be a masculine woman?” and I kind of pointed out that I’d tried that for several years and it wasn’t right and I didn’t feel right and, you know, it just didn’t suit me, it wasn’t me. And then she tried bargaining with me almost to be “gender non-specific” which I think was her way of saying ‘non-binary’ which is weird, and is actually I think that a few other trans, trans men or transmasculine people I’ve met or sort of run into, I think it’s kind of the perception, it’s kind of, kind of tied into like a lot of enbyphobia [discrimination towards ‘envy’ i.e. NB, non-binary people] and the kind of idea that non-binary people aren’t really trans or aren’t really, you know, so I guess my mum thought that I could just in my head say that I was non-binary and then in life or real life nothing would change and she wouldn’t have to change anything which is like just really enbyphobic, kind of transphobic.

But, you know, I don’t know exactly what was going through her mind but having talked to other people who have had similar experiences it seems to be that sort of like idea that it’s ‘trans lite’ and so would be less like hard I guess or, hard for her to like have to, you know, she wouldn’t have to change anything basically I think. And I said, you know, that’s not me, you know, it’s not, I’m, not “gender non-specific” I am male, I am me, I am [name] and you can either acknowledge that and accept that or you know, we’ll have to, I will be in, you know, you will not be in my life as much.

And my dad didn’t really say much on the matter he was kind of just passively like ‘Yeah’, so that’s that, but my mum we had a bit of, quite a bit of, kind of several months extended sort of argument/discussion, though while this was going on, I did a refer-, I got a referral to Gender Care and I had managed to go through that and then after a couple of months after being diagnosed with gender dysphoria by Gender Care I was given again a referral to get testosterone and then I was seen, had my appointment and went on testosterone and I kind of let my mum know ‘I’m going on testosterone now’ and she kind of pleaded with me not to and asked me to have more therapy beforehand and stuff like that and I said ‘Actually mum, I have had a lot of therapy and I have thought this through a lot with people and I have really thought about this and I’m really sure about this, you know, I understand that this is coming from a place of care you know, your actions but it is actually hurting me a lot, I think that perhaps you need to go to therapy to talk this out with someone who doesn’t, you know, so that you can get all of your emotions out and figure out your worries and concerns with someone who isn’t me, because I’m not the person that can do this for you and it’s just gonna harm both of us and our relationship.’

So that kind of happened and yes a few months after that was quite quiet we didn’t really talk much and then I think she talked with a family friend who is very kind of, is a good ally to LGBTQ people and I think kind of that, I think she did go to therapy with a sort of, or some sort of group talk with parents in similar situations and talked it through and then a few months after that it kind of like, she kind of accepted, you know, that I’d started testosterone, this is what I wanted, this is me and that it wasn’t whatever concern she did have about it. Again I’m not a 100% sure it was kind of like settled and now she’s really supportive of me actually, which is good.

Okay yeah, so getting a deed poll in the UK is really easy and simple and free, it is free and whoever tells you have to pay for one is lying or talking about a special enrolled deed poll that is not necessary, I believe that would only be necessary for people who may have a certain convictions, criminal convictions around fraud I believe might be an issue I’m not sure exactly if you’ve got any criminal convictions obviously talk to a lawyer or a solicitor rather and they’ll be able to advise but you should not need to pay for it. There are some services that will, that will get you to pay for it but they are not more valid than ones that you don’t have to pay for, it does not need to be enrolled, in fact it’s better of it’s not enrolled because enrolled deed polls will create a kind of legal and kind of very easily searchable tie between your old name and your new name. It has to be published online in a paper or in a paper which isn’t published online as well so I really advise against doing that unless you have to do that. But talk to a solicitor in this situation obviously I can’t give advice but.

For me I went to a website I think it’s called Free Deed Poll UK, Google it Free Deed Poll UK something like that and it’s just really simple you just, it tells you like all the information you need, you can technically write, scrawl on the back of a napkin the legal terms and the website does tell you the legal you know, the terminology and gives you like essentially a form to, you just put what your old name was, what your new name you want to be is and then you’ve gotta have signatures from two people who have known you for two years or longer I believe and obviously get their permission, their names their addresses because they do need to have their addresses on there and, you know, you put your name, your old name, your new name and the address but it’s, again all on the website, really easy to fill out and it’s free.

Printing it out probably print it on parchment paper or similar nice thick legal looking paper you can buy it really cheaply and just print it out on any printer and it looks fancy and places will accept that apart from said GP I’ve not had an issue with any place accepting it, it’s free basically free the only cost was the paper but, you know, print as many of them as you want, print a, don’t print a 100 I did print 20 and that’s way too many you don’t need that many but do keep a copy on, you know, on your computer in case you do need to print it put again but honestly it’s really simple as long as you’re over 18 or over 16, I think it’s 16, over 16 with parental permission, over 18 you can do whatever. You know, as long as you haven’t had any specific crimes and we’re born or are a citizen of the UK I think is another stipulation then again just look on that website it tells you everything. it’s really simple, really easy, go and do it today if you want to, you don’t have to but, yeah [laughter].