I mean obviously I don’t know how much milk my daughter has off of me and that can be very daunting in the beginning, but you know, weve been doing this for millions of years, babies know what they’re doing and I just leave it to her. If she needs a drink shes going to let me know, you know, and one day she might not have so much but the next day, you know, shell have what she needs, and it’s like us isn’t it? If we feel thirsty well have a drink so I leave it to her, so I don’t know exactly how much milk she does have but she has three meals a day and plenty of milk in-between.

When [daughter] was probably, maybe about six weeks old, so, she was still having the treatment from the chiropractors, wed been going to [support group], she, her weight was increasing but it wasn’t a huge amount, might be one ounce a week, two ounces a week. Although she was feeding all the time, the weight just wasn’t piling on as much as the professionals wanted it to. And that was when I first started getting a bit of pressure about supplementing. I didn’t want to supplement.

Because?

I didn’t want to supplement because it wasn’t natural, you really don’t know what’s in formula milk. I mean these companies aren’t doing it out of the goodness of their hearts, they’re going to make money so, you know, you’ve really got no idea of what’s in it, and obviously from the asthma point of view. And I started to get a huge amount of pressure, a lot of pressure, not only was I getting pressure from people saying about giving up breastfeeding because it obviously wasn’t the right way, but now I was starting to get pressure about just supplementing. And, eventually I think, the lady down at [support group], the lactation consultant, I think she started to get a bit of pressure as well because obviously she was in touch with my health visitor. My health visitor was having pressure and, it was coming from the doctors because, they work from a different type of view, they’re very much, gain your weight within three weeks that you’ve lost when you were born and obviously this is now getting to six weeks and she still hadn’t got back up to her birth weight. And, so I gave in and started supplementing her, then we had to go in for, I think it’s an eight week check something like that they have, and, the doctor was adamant that I should supplement more and he told me, three times a day, five ounces, and I was just absolutely shocked because I thought,’that is really going to affect my milk. Were not talking about just a few ounces now you’re talking about quite a bit during the day, so I was a bit upset and I phoned up the lactation consultant at [support group] and I said, you know, I’m not really happy. And, basically they weren’t happy with the advice that I’d been given and, it worked out that they ended up having a chat with the doctors down at the surgery because they don’t have any, they just have the basic training in breastfeeding, they don’t have anything more. And really if you haven’t got the training to back-up what you’re giving as advice you shouldn’t really be giving it. And, so that was when, I’ve lost my track’

You went to the doctors and they said to give three bottles of five ounces a day.

That’s it, yeah they wanted her to have three lots of five ounces and, down at [support group] they’re saying, I don’t think that’s a good idea, shes fine, she, okay shes not putting on huge amount of weight, but shes putting on weight. So the doctor said three lots of five ounces which I was quite horrified about because I thought it’s going to really affect my milk, and so I spoke to the lactation consultant at [support group], and it actually worked out to be a different one to my usual one because sh

Since weve started on solids I wanted to make sure that any milk, any excess milk that obviously [daughter] might not be having now I didn’t want to just lose it and I’d heard of a milk bank for [major hospital]. Which is when you express milk for premature babies, they come and collect the expressed milk, they put in their freezers and obviously they, they may sell it on to other hospitals and they may use it for their own baby unit and so that’s what I started to do. I phoned them up and the lady came to see me and shes lovely, absolutely lovely. Do a blood test, like you do when you’re pregnant, I think it’s a bit more intensive because obviously they’ve got babies that they’re going to be feeding the milk with and I was given a pump and some bottles. And basically every night when my daughter’s gone to bed I have a bath, I then express for maybe twenty minutes, half an hour whilst I’m watching TV, and just bung it in the freezer. And then when the lady’s in this area shell give me a ring to see if she can collect some or I give her a phone call and she comes down and collects the milk that I’ve stored for them. So I feel I can do my bit [laughs] but obviously you know that’s fantastic stuff for babies because not all mothers are able to breastfeed or not able to feed straight away especially when they’re premature and they might have lots of things wrong with them. You know, they say breast is best and if I can help out a newborn baby with a bit of breastmilk then I’ll do that.

Are you using an electric or a hand pump?

The pump that I use is a hand pump I get on fine with it, it’s not a problem. I have used an electric one with [daughter] but that didn’t happen for very long because it was just too much that I was doing but I actually prefer the hand one because it’s just smaller, I haven’t got a lead across the room, I just bung it in one of those microwave sterilising bags and pop it in there for three minutes, take it out, sit down in the lounge, watch the TV and just do a bit of pumping, it’s no problem whatsoever.

And is this purely voluntary or are you paid?

This is purely voluntary you don’t get paid for it no.

Feeding in public, that was a bit hard right in the very beginning I’m not somebody that goes topless on the beach so to me showing my body parts it was like, Oh my God. First time I went out, my friend picked me up and we went into [local town]. Well as you know, like I said early on, my daughter was feeding every few minutes, every ten minutes, every twenty minutes. Got into [local town] she wanted to feed, and I’m like, Oh no, where do I go?’ I didn’t realise places like Mothercare have their own feeding room, didn’t know that because I’ve never been around babies that needed feeding. So we went into a coffee shop in [local town].

Went into a coffee shop in the town?

Went into a coffee shop in the town and [laughs], we sat down and I’m thinking, Oh no, oh no, all these young people in here, they’re quite fashionable I thought, I’ve got to bear my all [laughs]. And , she then went quiet, I thought, Oo I think I take advantage of this and I’ll just see if I can ram my cake or my drink down me quickly’ and she then woke up a few minutes later and I said to my friend, Were right in the window here. Cause there weren’t any other spaces, I was right in the window, right onto the high street, anybody could see me, right next to the till, so there was the huge queue of people because it’s lunchtime, and at that point a seat came free at the back of the room, round the corner, so I quickly nipped up there. It is quite traumatic. I went out another time, with somebody that I’d met at all the mother and baby groups, we went into town, we were in the town for about four hours, three hours of those were spent feeding my daughter, at least. I think we spent twenty minutes round the shops, that’s how it is in the beginning and, it can be quite hard if you, if you need to get stuff at, you know, she obviously needed feeding her weight was, as you know, it was very important to me at the time, but by that point I’d realised that there was a feeding room in Mothercare so if I went into town I knew I’d just head straight for Mothercare. Now it doesn’t bother me so much, obviously were seven months down the line and I’ve got used to it. It is hard, you worry about what people think, not so much other mothers because, you know, I think, you just don’t worry about the mothers, you worry about adolescent boys, because obviously it’s embarrassing for you, it’s embarrassing for them and, it can be a bit traumatic. And I think you also worry about the older generation, because the way they were brought up, you know, you don’t show your body parts. And that’s not to say that everybody over a certain age are going to be looking at you and thinking, What on earth do you think you’re doing?’ but you do know that some people out there are going to be thinking that, so it can be quite a hard thing to overcome. But the more times you hear about things happening in the news about mothers who are feeding, who, are asked to move, the more annoyed you become and the more the fact that you want to go out there, be in a picket line breastfeeding at the same time and being on a front page of one of the big newspapers, you think, Excuse me do you want my child, my baby to starve?’ cause that’s what in effect you’re saying because their stomachs are so small they can’t feed like we do. So if you’re asking a mother to stop feeding you’re actually saying, Can you starve your baby please?’ Because that is what you’re doing, they need feeding and that’s what you need to do. So, seven months down the line I’ll feed anywhere, I’ve fed in Comet, PC World, I’ve [laughs] fed in Tesco’s , in Sainsbury’s , everywhere I’ve done it, and hard to begin with but you get there and in the end you think Excuse me but my child needs a feed.

Can you explain a bit more why you think breastfeedings one of the best experiences? What is it about it that makes you glow when you talk about it?

I think breastfeeding is one of the best experiences, it’s just, it’s , this is really weird for me to say because I was a clubbing girl, I used to go out all the time, my friends were a bit worried when they found out I was pregnant, you know, How you going to cope? We don’t see you as earth mother. And everything like that and then as soon as my daughter came along I just changed and, I want to do my best for my daughter, I will do anything for her and breastmilk is one of the best things you can give your child. It’s natural, theres nothing bad in it, it’s a natural way of feeding your child as we all know it’s , you know, all these reports and that says you know, it’s the best thing for your child and, I think it helps with your bonding. To new mothers and mothers that are expecting, I think I’d say to them that take it slowly, don’t rush yourself, but I think that was my problem, like I said, I was out to the local town within a week and a half of having a daughter. I walked up the road to a local supermarket within two weeks and were talking about huge hills and I’d had an emergency caesarean. Just accept the fact that you’re going to be out of it for a few months. Your life doesn’t carry on like it was before no matter how much you want it to, actually when you’ve had your child you don’t want it to carry on like it did before it’s , you know, you’ve got this other person in your life and, get, you know, go to your local groups that’s what they’re there for. I’ve made quite a few new friends, you have support, even if you don’t want to see them outside the group, it gives you a good chance to go in and just offload everything, because you do need to offload. Although you’re not, out for work and, all this other pressure that friends and family put on you, you know, When are you returning to work? When’s this? When’s that?’ Just enjoy it, even if you feel like it’s the worst thing that’s happening at the moment, you’ve got so many problems, there is a time when hopefully it’ll all get better and you’ll really enjoy it, and you just take things steady.

Sometimes your friends and family who are so well meaning, they turn round and say, Oh, you know, it doesn’t seem to be working out the breastfeeding. You know, then, s hes not feeding very well. Or, Look at her on her growth chart and that, her weight’s so low she should be up here, you know, this is the average up here, she needs to be up there, it’s not working out, why don’t you just give some formula, you know, it’s ever, so easy, you just go down the supermarket, buy it, and just, just give some formula. And it’s so hard because you’ve just spent your, another night of being up, every hour, every two hours, you’ve just done a feed and your nipples are so sore and it is so tempting, but just stick with it because breastfeeding is one of the best experiences I’ve ever experienced and it took a long time for us to get with it but now that we are I’m hoping to go on a lot longer.

Yeah she, she was slightly sleepy and she just didn’t seem to want to know. But she did do a few feeds in the hospital and then we came home and obviously the midwives had checked and they said, Oh yes she was fine, she was latching on okay. And then you’re at home and, she seemed to feed and it was very bizarre because I wrote it down in the end because I don’t think anybody believed me but it seemed to be every five minutes, every ten minutes, it was twenty-four-seven, I’d, once in a blue moon she might go two hours in between a feed. I was, at one point living in the lounge because theres no point in going to bed because shed need to feed and my friends were cooking meals for me and bringing them round, so I’d literally, I’d have her latched on I’d have a tea towel over her and I’d be feeding over the top of her because otherwise I wouldn’t feed. It was horrendous, absolutely horrendous, and I went from not thinking about the next day to not even thinking about the next feed because I was in so much pain because both my nipples cracked and I had huge scabs on them and they had to crack open for her next feed and if I thought about it, it was horrendous. I’d be feeding her and crying my eyes out because I was in so much pain, the midwife checked how we were feeding I think and, Oh yeah you’re fine, you’re okay. You know and but I knew it wasn’t right because I was in so much agony and it’s supposed to be the most natural thing in the world to breastfeed and there I was in absolute agony. She was latched on and she said, You know luvvie, there might be a problem with her feeding which is why you were having such sore nipples, and you’re in so much pain. She said, I’m wondering if shes got a birth trauma. And I looked at her as if to say what on earth are you talking about?’ Never heard of it before, and she, she said, s ometimes when some babies have had quite a hard time being delivered they end up with a trauma to the neck, or to the shoulders, or to the jaw which means that they can’t feed very well. And sometimes their jaw’s not working, sometimes they’ve got headaches, sometimes they’re in pain, she said, It might just be worth your while just to take her over to the chiropractor’s and just have her checked out, you know, just see, you know, if theres a problem there. And I thought chiropractors and baby, what are you going on about?’ [laughs] never heard of it before I thought, oh I don’t know, I really don’t know’ but I came home and I phoned them up and, I couldn’t actually get in for a week and a half but because.

It’s a lovely happy noise.

[Laughs].

Let’s start that again, I couldn’t get in for a week and a half.

Yeah, I didn’t get in for a week and a half but the lactation consultant at Bosom Buddies was very good and phoned me up the Monday night. This bit’s , originally it was a Friday, and she phoned me up the Monday night and she said to me, Hello, hello [name], you know, how are things and did you manage to get your daughter in to chiropractors?’ And I said, Oh I can’t get in till next week. She said,’that’s no good. She said, it’s , I can’t remember the words that she used but she said to me it’s , You really need to get her down there as soon as possible, I’ll phone them up and see if we can get you in. The following day at nine o’clock, before nine o’clock I had a phone call [laughs] and I thought I wonder who’s phoning me up at that time?’ and it was the chiropractor saying that we could squeeze you in today for midday. I thought, Oh my God, better phone my Mum to see if I can get a lift there, and I took her down there and usually the first session is just a consultation but because things were so bad for my daughter they did a treatment at the same time and from just being able t