Once I’ve come out of hospital and that I wanted to give something back to the fire service, so when I was actually on a Princes Trust course that was being run by two firemen and we got talking and that and I was telling them how I want to give something back to the fire service and they said ‘Well, there is a voluntary arm of the fire service, it’s called the Community Action Team, would you like me to arrange an interview for you?’ So, I said ‘Oh yeah, we’d love that.’ Anyway, I went for the interview, like got taken on and all that and then, within three months of volunteering for the Community Action Team I got nominated and won The Most Valued Member of the Fire Service.

So, but again, it was like when I joined the fire service and just being in the environment with the-, it was just because of the affiliation that I had, especially with the fire station that it was, because it was the fire station that pulled me from the car, so it felt like ‘I’m home.’ Do you know what I mean? This is where I needed to be kind of thing. And from just the confidence that being around people that was always like ‘Oh, aren’t you doing well?’ or just always bigging me up kind of thing, that really raised my confidence and, yeah.

Yeah. I thought my life was over, 100%. Because again, it was like, because I had a couple of, like, avenues that I could go down, do you know? Just to say for an instance, I didn’t make it as a professional footballer because, again, this was a question that my head of year asked me before I left school, he said to me, because at end of year we have like, we had an interview with our head of year to see if he could sort out apprenticeships and things like that for us, so I can remember going in and he said “You alright Gary? So, what is it you want to do when you leave school?” I said “Oh, I’m going to be a footballer sir.” He said “Oh, I’m loving that you’ve got that kind of confidence but it’s very hard to become a professional footballer.” I says “Yeah, I know sir, but I want to become a professional footballer” and he said, “Oh come on Gary, what else do you like?” I said “Well, I don’t mind like a, I wouldn’t mind to become an electrician.” And he went “Right, ok, I’ll write off to an electrical company and see if they’ll take you on as an apprentice.” I went “Alright, no worries, sir but I am becoming a professional footballer.”

And then, like, so we had a little laugh and that about that and then I left and, like, obviously, it was only a couple of weeks after I left school that I had the accident and it was like, whilst I was actually in the hospital, my mum come in and she had the letter from the electrical company saying that they were happy to take me on. But again, because I’d lost my index finger because I weren’t sure if my eyesight was going to be as good as it used to be, and I’d lost my leg and so I just thought it’s like every avenue that I thought “Maybe I could go down that” it’s like it was just taken away from me and that was really hard to deal with.

Yeah, 100%, again because, like with the breath and things like that, you’re not having to rely on somebody else, someone else’s opinion or point of view or experience of it. It’s like “Try it yourself”. But again, within a minute you can, I know you will feel a change. If you were to breath in a manner which is most optimal for us and the breaths, the breaks, the pauses in between, it all matters and I just feel we’ve kind of-, because it’s unconscious and we don’t think about it, we kind of forget about it.

Just breathing, but it’s like, at the time it was like because the nurses were always saying to me just like “Just concentrate on your breathing”.

So, I understand how integral our breath is to our being and that’s all I’ve really looked to have done since coming out of hospital, well, no, I’d say like, in the last couple of years, that’s what I’ve been more focused on is trying to personalise my breathing, do you know? So, what feels best to me, regardless of what anybody else is saying because, ok, it might be best for them but what feels best for me kind of thing?

So, in a way, I do sometimes see it as like a blessing in disguise. But it’s only for the fact that I lost a friend in it that maybe that it’s not a blessing.

Because, again, it was like, I was going down the wrong path kind of thing and it was like something needed to happen, or I could have potentially ended up dead.

Again, it was like the mindset I had before this was, a lot of the time was ‘Why has this happened to me?’ Do you know what I mean?’ Why has the world done this to me?’ And again, it’s, oh I don’t know. But again, I feel I’m more, I can accept what’s happened more rather than looking for reasons why it happened and, do you know what I mean? Because that’s how I see it now, it’s happened but I also feel that, although it was like a massive negative, I also feel that, but again, that’s turning it into a positive, that a lot of the things that I’ve done in my life, since having the accident, I would have never had the opportunity to do, if I wouldn’t have had, like, the accident.

I’d say … they’ve always … it’s always been on my mind, you know ‘What am I going to do?’ because again, it’s like I’ve always had the thought that I don’t want to be on benefits for the rest of my life and things like that but … so I’d say … so yeah, again, and especially with, like, me losing my limb and that, it was like so … the main thing that I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life was just whipped away from me. So, it was like ‘Wow what you going to do then Gaz?’ and then it was like I was going to be an electrician, but I’ve lost my index finger on my left hand, and I’ve got like … I’ve had to have my knuckles changed in other fingers and so I haven’t got full mobility in my left hand. So, it’s again so … so I just feel that rather than thinking ‘So, what kind of field am I going to go into now?’ I’ve just kind of thought ‘Well, I need to just make me happy. I need to make me at ease. I need to make me calm.’

So, I just feel like I’ve got a purpose in life now and it’s just about trying to – like I was saying before – trying to personalise it for certain people, but I do feel that way. At work, especially when I … I was in work, because it was only … not so long ago, I had a young person like … because after we have a young person come from the services, they have to give feedback at the end of their time and it was like ‘What was a good thing you liked about working with us?’ and this young person said ‘I really, really enjoyed working with [name]. I don’t think he understands how much of an impact he has on people. And even when I pass my driving test when I’m older, I’m still going to remember everything [name] told me.’ And things like that. And again, it was like when I joined, like, with the fire service and the youth offending service, I done it both on a voluntary basis, do you know what I mean? And it’s only through me just sticking it out with the Youth Justice Service that I’ve got to the position that I’m at now with them. But again, it’s only, like, five hours a week at the moment but it’s something. Gets me out the house, kind of thing.

Especially with psychological because it was like once I was discharged from hospital and I moved back home with my mum, we were always arguing and my mum was saying that I was very like ratty and just flying off the handle over anything and she was saying to me “You need to go and see your doctor, son. You need to go and see your doctor. Tell him, because you’re losing your temper too easy” and things like that. And the way I used to look at it was like “But it’s in my head. How is someone else going to be able to help me with something that’s in my head?” But again, it was like, so that was how I used to look at it but after I seen, because I’d say it went on for about three or four years, like my mum saying, “Please son, go and see your doctor” and I would say “No, no, they can’t, how can they help me?” But then, like, after three or four years I thought “Right, no I do need to” because it was having a big impact in my life. So, I thought “Right, I need to go and see someone.”

I kind of looked forward to going back to it, do you know what I mean. Because again, from the first session I ever had with her, I felt like a release, like I’d taken a few bricks off my shoulders, kind of thing. And so, every chance I got to go back it was like “Yes, I can take some more bricks off”. And so, it kind of like, do you know, it was a bit like, when she said. “We’re going to have to call it a day now Gary”. But again, I feel that she, like you’re saying, she gave me the toolbox, kind of thing, to help me. So, I always think back to just that last meeting we had, then when I walked out, I thought “Wow! I really want to become a psychologist” just because of how she showed me that it’s possible for someone to change another person, how they’re feeling and that. I just thought “Wow, that’s amazing that.”

So, I was telling him that and he said it was amazing and that, but it’s like, whenever I tell any of the young people, I show them my scars straightaway because it’s like, that’s a deterrent that, do you know what I mean? Because ‘Look, this is what can happen.’ And it’s like… But I don’t feel that I need to show people that are never going to be involved in that kind of thing. So, it’s… Because then, I just feel like ‘Well what am I? Am I just like a dancing elephant?’, kind of thing. I will show people if I think it’s going to benefit them but I’m not one that, d’you know, ‘Here you are, do you want to have a look at my scars?’, do you know what I mean?

I was involved in a road traffic collision when I was 15 years old. I was a passenger in a car that was being driven by an older friend of mine. When my friend crashed the car, my friend died instantly due to his aorta bursting and then he fell on top of me. We both flew forward, hit the windscreen and then fell back into our seats, but my friend fell on top of me and because the fuel pipe had come loose and because of the sparks that had come from the car scraping on the ground, the car just, like, exploded basically and, again, my friend was on top of me whilst the car was on fire and then, when the fire services arrived at the scene, they actually thought there was only one person in the car at the time. So, when they pulled my friend out, it was a paramedic that was there with them, and she spotted that I was in the car still and she’d seen my finger just twitch. She said that he’s still alive and then they took me out of there and took me to my local hospital near to me.

I’ve asked the fire service since the accident as well, what they remember about the night of the accident and a couple of firemen who were actually at the scene of my accident, told me that I was actually conscious when they took me from the car but, obviously, I can’t remember anything like that. It’s like the next thing I can remember after the crash was waking up in the hospital on the burns’ unit.

I had the free flap put over the bottom of my stump because right from my accident in 2002, I’ve always had like a big ulcer at the bottom of my stump, and it just would never heal. And then it was going on for years and years and then I remember having an appointment with my doctor and it was my consultant who looked after me straight from 2002, but he was retiring. He said to me “I’m just letting you know that I’m retiring but I’m going to pass you over to another surgeon who’s really good” and all that. And he has, he’s been another amazing, kind surgeon, or consultant, and has really helped me and it’s like just like the free flap surgery that I had, I think that was an 18-hour operation, but it’s done so much for me, you know. Even, again, it’s not like made it any easier or any less painful walking or anything, but it’s just I’m not always worrying about infections and things like that.

I had like a large ulcer on the bottom of my stump and then, uh, my consultant took a piece of skin from the top of my left thigh – it was quite a long piece – and then he just like wrapped that over the bottom of my stump, around the ulcer, and it’s been amazing since, over it and, touch wood, it stays that way.

So, a lot of the times it’s like I’ll put on my half-alignment and then two socks over my half-alignment and then put me stump into my leg and then it’s a nice secure fit. But then, say I might be walking from here to my car or something and then by the time I get to my car, it’s too tight so I have to take a sock off and it’s-, that gets a bit like “Oh bloody hell” but it’s just what it is, isn’t it?

Because it was my consultant who actually put me in touch with somebody at the university that dealt with bionic limbs and things like that. And there was talk of him trying to make a limb for me that was more comfortable but, uh, at that stage, I was, I had a really big bulky limb at the time and, since then, I had a carbon fibre limb from my leg hospital, which has made my life so much easier to get around, in regard to pain and things like that. Although my limb still does break down due to my scar tissue on my limb. It’s just the weight difference, it’s unbelievable.