I was first seeing him around maybe April, I can remember having a conversation with him in July, where he was like, This isn’t going to work Because I was convinced that like breakfast, if you had breakfast you would be fat and he was like trying to convince me otherwise.

I’m not sure like how effective I think the whole cognitive behaviour therapy thing is because like I said, like I think it’s it makes you, when you’re really, really entrenched in like screwed up thinking and, like with the whole breakfast example like I just didn’t think that no matter what he said to me I was like, No, no. Like breakfast I will get fat. Like these people have no idea These really scathing thoughts like running through my mind. What does he know Like What is that shirt he’s wearing [Laughs].

I had like cuts all over my knuckles and stuff, which I don’t, well, I had like a slight scar on one but like apart from that, they’re fine, my hands, but at that point, like they were all cut up the whole time. So…

Why was that?

Like from my teeth, like rubbing my knuckles on my teeth. Like they were literally my hands were like covered in cuts the whole time. It was disgusting. So yeah.

Did you have any other sort of physical symptoms? I mean you’ve talked about being tired and cold and low energy.

It was this sore throat. Like a husky voice. I’m trying to think what else? I was tired and cold was the whole thing. I couldn’t concentrate and I couldn’t sleep and like just generally feeling really weak and stuff and not with it.

What about your teeth?

Oh my God, yeah. I forgot I completely forgot about my teeth, like my teeth look fine but like obviously, my parents are dentists and like I just have terrible like problems with my teeth in as I first had root fillings when I was, how old would I have been? Twelve, I had root fillings from like, obviously, like having worn down my teeth and I still have so many, like my teeth are really screwed up. So yeah, but my teeth always looked really white. That was the thing so you couldn’t really tell. Yeah, so I guess my teeth were also really bad as well.

But again, I don’t really understand, again I don’t think they were so terrible like it was really obvious that I had an eating disorder. So but I always get loads of holes and my brother and sister never did and, in fact, I’ve had so many root fillings now like all my molars are so, yeah.

But yeah, I guess when I found out I got into [university] and I really suddenly felt like, Oh, my God. I finally have something to lose and that all that was worth something on paper And yeah, so I guess that kind of changed things and it just I guess what my parents like thought about me didn’t really matter much anymore.

Like I live in the middle of nowhere in the holidays and like I was always trapped there like with no money and to get away and I couldn’t drive and no one would drive me anywhere and trains every three hours, or two or three hours. it’s better now. And I guess I felt that meant like, Oh, in the future, like I will be dependent, independent, like I’ll be able to do what I want So yeah and then what’s, yeah, I guess like so my like the whole kind of behaviour, like eating disorder behaviour really liked died down. I was about eighteen.

I felt kind of like a phoney that I was faking it or something and that like I felt like yeah, I felt like really guilty that like my parents were like having to, you know, like take time off work to like take me to these appointments when I was like actually, just faking it and nothing was wrong with me. Which is ridiculous but I did really feel like that. And I was also really embarrassed like just because it seems such a stupid thing. Like I can remember like having, you know, like having to sit there and plan out a meal, like a day’s meals like it just seemed so stupid and embarrassing like. So I can remember feeling really embarrassed about it and but embarrassing that it was unnecessary even though like I was, obviously, like unable to like continue as I was.