I’ve also had tremendous support too from the Spiritualist Church. I’ve turned to Spiritualism in a sense because, not that I have given up my Hindu faith, but Spiritualism because I feel both work hand in hand. Both believe in the life after death, and life continues.

Sorry I didn’t catch that. You said?

That both, both religions to some extent, well

Yes.

The Spiritualism is not a religion, it’s just a way of life, but like Hinduism they both believe in after life.

And I was, through, a friend recommended me to this church. I went to this Spiritualist Church, the local Spiritualist Church, where I met with mediums from different areas of, who knew nothing about us. And I’ve had enough confirmation, and validation about Andrew, and life after death. Our son came back through this medium giving us messages, that no-one, no-one knew anything about. That unless they’d read in the national press they would have read something, but not the intimate personal details about the family life, how in the family, what we had planned to do, and all the rest of it. This was the sort of thing that I had confirmation. I’m a strong believer now; I find a lot of faith in it. I find it helped me immensely through this course of grief and loss and bereavement. And my wife in fact has had numerous messages from our son by going there. So, together they have been very supportive.

So what actually happens when you go to a Spiritualist Church?

It’s like a normal church service. You go there and you, you participate in and a few hymns and so forth, and then you go into mediation, you know you meditate for about a few minutes, then there is a reading from one of the church members, or someone. And they have visiting mediums, from different parts of the country that visits; it’s not the same medium all the time. And that is when the medium themselves stand up and give you , get messages. And the first message we had was from this lady who now became a very close friend of Sarjit and myself, and she visits us, she comes out of her way from Canterbury, or wherever she lives, to see us from time to time. And the first time she came, she foresee, she saw the whole accident what took place. She described Andrew to the letter, T, she saw this car, she saw flowers, she saw candles, she saw pictures, and she described his plans for the future, what he had in mind. And so much, she has said, she has never been to our house, she wouldn’t have see any, but she described everything, more or less to what is what we have here.

That was during the church service?

Absolutely, during the church service.

Is that just to you individually? Or to the whole congregation?

No the whole congregation was listening to it, but we received this message, other people had messages. But this was a message to us.

So she goes to each person in turn?

Yes, yes. And we must have had a good five to ten minutes of this reading, and I came back and I described this to my family. And it was amazing, at least 95% of what’s been said. I find people from all walks of life, and different faith goes to it, at this church. Because you find solace, it’s comforting.

Able to, to know that yes there’s messages from the spirits world that your loved one is there.

And one last message we had from Andrew was, Mum and Dad pleasemove on with your life. My room is like a shrine, my clothes are still there, please give it away. I’m okay, I’m happy. You know.

He’s gone. Our life is empty now, completely empty. Added to that, the funeral was arranged a week later, and it was packed. Well over four to five hundred people attended, almost four to five hundred people were at the funeral. Colleagues, fellow students, and the service went on for over an hour and a half, so much so that they, the manager at the local crematorium had to ask us if we could hurry on, but there were so many things that people wanted to pay tribute to. There were hundreds and hundreds of cards, and letters, from various people, members of parliament, people who I knew, very good friend whos sadly passed away, was also a Lord, the House of Lords, who knew the family, who knew us very well.

So the funeral was at the local crematorium?

Local crematorium indeed.

Was it a Hindu [ceremony]?

Yes, it was a Hindu ceremony. The service initially took place at home, we brought the body home here, or Andrew came home and we had a Hindu service in this room here. And from here we went onto the crematorium, to make the final prayer and offering and the rites to be carried out.

Can you say a little bit more about a Hindu ceremony?

Sure, yes indeed. Went back to the service at home, the Hindu service at home here. The coffin came in and it was open, and members of the family gather around to pay their respect by offering, throwing incense and rose petals and flowers, and I as the father, parent, my wife and I, Sarjit and I, that is, we had to place gold coins, not gold coins, pieces of gold, I think it was seven pieces of gold, seven coins, and, there is,

Did you say incense?

Incense, yes indeed, incense, and there is a particular plant, I can’t remember the name of it, that we had to place on his lips, and offering the final sips of water, pouring sips of water on his lips, and milk.

And did you say a garland?

And garlands as well, yes. And members of the family are allowed to place garlands around him.

But then I found a lot of support from RoadPeace. RoadPeace was there from day one. it’s a remarkable organisation. The founder of RoadPeace was on the phone to me for over an hour, and she gave me so much support, and strength, and offered me advice, because I didn’t know where to turn, the police liaison officer just gave me a booklet and said, Look in there you’ll find any organisation, these are the people if you wish to contact There was not a question of sitting down and going through it, this is what we wanted, the support from them to guide us through this thing. We just had to find our way through, and I found that RoadPeace was there for us.

Did they contact you initially?

Yes, RoadPeace contacted me; I didn’t contact them at all?

So how did they find you?

They must have read the story in the newspaper because the, the whole thing was in the local paper and so forth, and I was so pleased when she rang me.

What sort of advice did she give you?

She said, I will be there to give you any support you want She arranged to come down, and they came, we met at home here, and we sat and we talked through various things, what line of action I should take, and the support, where to go and get the support; what help; and she was literally there 24’7 for me.

It was on Wednesday 24th May 2006, approximately 2.45 in the afternoon, I was called by the police informing me that my son was in a car accident. They arranged to collect me from the place I work, and take me to the hospital where my son was taken. We got there about 4.45, 5 oclock thereabout because the traffic was awful, and I was asked to wait in the waiting room while the doctors, one of the doctors come out to see me It was at that point in time I understood my son had passed away. It was one of a severe shock.

Of course.

Denial, could not comprehend what had happened.

Who told you? Was it the doctor?

The registrar in the hospital told me that they’d tried their best but they could not revive him. The awful thing about it, that my son that morning went to university, he had already gained a first class honours degree in law, and he was about to graduate in his Masters, and awaiting a place at Harvard University. He was a young man who spent all his time at home studying. Mum was best friend he’s ever had. Parties, socialising was not his scene, but that particular day he had agreed to meet some friends up in London after the morning paper, to go out and see a movie, and to have a meal out. The very first time in five or six years that he would have planned to go out and spend an evening out, and saying to Mum that Mum you don’t mind if I get back about ten, ten thirty? Could you all pick me up from the station? Mum agreed to that.

It was a normal day, it was like anything else, I dropped my wife, Sarjit and Andrew at the station, saw them off and I went into work. And for some unknown reason I didn’t feel well that day. I don’t know whether it’s a premonition, or it was feeling, I felt awful. My wife who was also in a meeting that particular day with the department of health, she couldn’t concentrate on the meeting, she had an awful feeling, a tummy feeling, a numbness of her leg, her stomach was churning over, and she could not explain. I’m sorry it’s a bit disjointed but

It’s alright.

I was at the hospital. I was taken there by the police, and a good friend of mine, and I was asked to wait while they brought Andrew out. The last, the first thing I saw was my son lying there lifeless.

Were you on your own?

I was on my own at the time.

My wife was going to come in later because some friends of mine, some doctors who I was working with, they decided to pick her up and fetch her in to the hospital.

Were you allowed to stay with your son for a while?

I was allowed to stay with my son. He was battered and bruised. Lifeless. A young man, who had such fun and joy and someone to talk to and love, and joking. Just lying there in a mortuary.

Had he been hit by a car?

He was hit by a car, he was hit, four houses away from where we were living, at the bus stop here. It was about 2.45 in the afternoon, apparently these three young fellows in a car, unlicensed and uninsured, nothing at all they had, came speeding down the road, but as far as they were concerned they were doing 30 miles an hour, the car hit Andrew, flipped over and landed on its, upside down. I’m surprised with the devastation it caused, that they themselves did not die in the accident.

They were lucky. They got out and walked free except for the driver who landed up in hospital, with a fractured leg only. The hospital cared for him obviously, they gave all the attention for us, we felt a great loss.