But ours was particularly awful. So much sowe decided we would never have any more children.

Is that a decision you’ve taken since having them?

Yes. it’s probably, half of it’s probably the experience we went through. I went and had a vasectomy, because I don’t think I could cope with going through anything like that again. Ever.

When did you take that decision?

Probably when the kids werefive and a half, six months. I sat down with [wife] and I said, You know we’ve been graced with two children. I couldn’t take the risk that something bad would happen. And we should be grateful that we’ve got the two. So quit while we’re ahead as it wer.

Yes. And are you comfortable with that decision?

Yes. Very much so, very, very much so. We also read that another little feed into is that the contraceptive pill has a chemical in it that isn’t good for [wife] cholestasis as well which could do her harm really. So contraception, contraception has to be seriously thought about, and probably the easiest one was a vasectomy. So that’s what we opted for. Yes. We thought about it for quite a while.

Yes.

And again I talked to the GP and you know, he was very reluctant to recommend it to be honest. Simply for the fact that the children are so young. Evidently they don’t recommend that you have these things done until the kids are over a year or something.

Okay.

Yes, just in case there’s an issue shall we say.

Yes.

I explained to him why and kindly he agreed.

And do you think a large part of it was this was a frightening experience for you?

Absolutely. Yes. One hundred per cent.

We went back and saw the surgeon. Who was dealing with it. She’s quite an important lady because everybody stands to attention when she’s walking around. And immediately you knew, that’s right, immediately you felt that there was a cover up going onI mean majorly so. it’s only when I turned round and said, Are you scared we’re going to sue you Or something. Because that’s not our intention whatsoever We just want I just want answers, because I’m not sleeping at all. I close my eyes and I then see, see what happened and you know, I need, I need somebody to explain to me in layman’s terms, exactly what went wrong and what brought us to this outcome really

Yes, it’s probably the most stress I’ve ever been under. For the first probably four months, I just thought I was going to have a heart attack at any stage. I… I don’t think people can understand until it happens to them how stressful it is. Childbirth in general can be, for the male can be, I can only talk from the male side, can be very stressful. Because we’re there for the ride really. We’re not, you know, stroking our wife’s back, and saying what a wonderful job she’s doing and you knowyou’re a passenger aren’t you on the whole, on the whole child birth thing.

But ours was particularly awful. So much sowe decided we would never have any more children.

So you were telling me about going over to see her in the Intensive Care.

Yes, so I walked in, and there was a young nurse and she was playing around with [wife]’s hand. All I saw was tubes out of [wife] and, and I was trying to understand what was going on, and they were taking her rings off her fingers. Or trying to. I was trying not to be hurt about it. Because nobody explained why they were taking the rings off. And I was thinking, is this it? What’s going on?

And then some head of turned up and there was a bed and I was standing on one side and they were like surrounded on the other side. And they said, Oh have you got any questions And then I just stood there, and I was saying to them, What went on? What, what brought us to this And they’re saying, Oh it’s only a little problem. It was only this. It was only that And I’m, do you know, when they’re talking and you’re not hearing, because I was trying to stop myself thinking bad things and trying to listen what they were saying. I just couldn’t understand what they were saying to me, and I remember they spoke for about two minutes each, and then said, Oh if you’ve got any other questions, just ask for us

Okay.

And then they, they went off. I just stood there. I just, I honest to God couldn’t understand how we got from a joyful experience, having children, being induced, I don’t know if that’s enjoyable for [wife], but, for me, it’s sort of bringing new life in the world. It was a thing to be, you know, in amazement to, and this sounds awful, but I don’t care about the children, what about my wife? You know. You know.

And all going through my mind was how am I going to cope without [wife]? Because I actually thought she was dead. And they were, you know, just holding her on a life support machine until such time. Because nobody turned round and said, Oh she’ll be okay shortly orrdquo; And you know, andI just stood there, probably for about an hour. Just stroking her hands.

And then a nice nurse came in and said, I think it would be nice to take some pictures of the babies. We’ll put them around her bed. So you know, I’ll print them off and I’ll put them round the bed. With your permission. Would you like to come and see your children, and take some pictures I went, Yes. Yes. I think so

So we took some pictures and put them on the bed, at the end of her bed so when she, when she woke up, she’d see them. And of course I thought they were just doing for, you know, some other reason. And I can’t even remember what the reason was, because for me [wife] was in major trouble. You know, it’s awful.