Colin – Interview 26
Colin was 19 when he started getting ‘strange thoughts and ‘slight paranoia’. Since then he has had a handful of admissions to hospital, and has had varied experience of medication. He is now living in a flat, doing creative writing and is looking at doing some courses.
Colin went to school in Edinburgh, got his Highers and thinks by then he was probably smoking too much hash and drinking too much’. He says that his Mum had serious similar problems that involved several hospital admissions. He got a temporary job, and a few weeks in he started getting strange thoughts and slight paranoia’. When this started it was only a few things but as it progressed he would just walk in the hills to get away from everything’. He wanted to go for a long walk, and on the way to the coast he started to think that strange things were happening’.
He returned to Edinburgh and stayed with his parents. When he visited a friend’s house, his friend was concerned that he had done something’ such as taking an overdose, so they took him to the infirmary where he had his stomach pumped. Then he had a florid pseudo-religious experience in bed, and when the doctor saw him she wanted to admit him to the psychiatric hospital. He says it is a very difficult experience to describe, but it is like a rising’, as if you’re not really in your body’. He thought he knew what time itself’ was about. He felt that this florid eruption’ wasn’t something about which he could really confide in to anybody.
Colin can’t really remember what happened for the first few days of psychiatric hospital, but knows he was very distressed’. He was only in hospital for eight weeks, and was all over the place’ after a Depixol injection. He was given accommodation in a hostel for six months and was taught how to behave’, how to cook’ and how be a bit more social’. He was getting used to the way of living’ on Depixol as it slows you down’. He had no problem taking it but he felt he couldn’t stay on it long-term.
Subsequently he stayed at his sister’s and didn’t sleep for about 2-3 days. He had a meeting with a psychiatrist, broke down’, and was readmitted about a year after his first admission. He was whacked on Largactil’ and Chlorpromazine but was on a silly dose’ and ended up in IPCU after freaking out’. He was experiencing paranoia, but, more than that, he experienced a deep entrenched fear’. He also describes the difficulty of telling hallucinations apart from the weird things that were going on, such as being visited by Church of Scotland ministers who were like an exorcism team’. He found himself lying in bed wanting to die but thinking it was already too late’. He doesn’t know how much of this was drug-induced by the high dose of Largactyl or how much by his state of mind.
Some time afterwards he was sectioned again, but he felt that this wouldn’t have happened nowadays. However he had developed a patient mentality’ and he couldn’t get on with the rest of his life. He lived with his parents when he was hyper’. He persuaded tutors to take him on to a course at a local university, but was admitted to hospital again before he could attend. He had a drunken incident in which he assaulted his ex-girlfriend, and ended up in prison for the weekend; he then went to a homeless hostel and then into a flat. However, whilst in a hostel, the sleep deprivation kicked in and set up’ the last period in which he ended up in hospital. He was both aware of what he was going through and was unable to stop it. He walked around a great deal and drank heavily, even though he didn’t have much money.
Colin has had general counselling in a homeless hostel and found it ok, but it didn’t stop him going full-blown’. At the hostel they had an adult conversation’ about his drinking he never got much benefit’. He would like to get a job that wouldn’t mean he was on less money than his benefits, but finds it difficult explaining the gaps on his CV. He feels a bit jaded’ by his experience of psychiatric services, but will try cognitive behavioural therapy.