Colin – Interview 20

Colin was successfully treated for prostate cancer in his 60s. In the years following, he gradually became ‘irritable, withdrawn, self-centred and anxious which took a toll on his marriage. A visit to a men’s support group prompted him to see his GP, who diagnosed depression and prescribed antidepressants. After Colin found a medication that suited him, he started to feel better. He is now active in peer support groups, and his wife has told him she feels that she has her partner back.

Colin has had a successful business and enjoyed life with his wife and four children, now adults. Life became very different when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Colin had a prostatectomy and then took 10 months to physically recover. Despite being cured of the cancer he noticed other changes; he became very irritable and found it difficult to manage multiple tasks. The beginning of these changes was gradual, occurring over three years.

He was increasingly demanding and picky; with his partner, became self-centred and withdrawn;, and largely avoided social interaction. He would leave home and ride his bike for many hours, which concerned his wife. He also had physical side effects from his prostatectomy that contributed to his depression. Colin’s wife became concerned. He went to a local men’s peer support group (where local men can talk openly about their feelings in a group setting) and heard a psychologist give a talk about depression which led him to see his GP who diagnosed him with depression and prescribed antidepressants. Apart from some mild tiredness he has found the antidepressant medication, sertraline, to be effective. Colin says before he was diagnosed with depression he didn’t know much about depression. He thinks that community awareness of depression is very important and should be encouraged. Colin says that peaceful activities like reading the bible or talking to his wife help him find peace. He also says his recovery was marked by a return to community engagement, including helping to run another local men’s peer support group. His wife has recently told him that she feels like she has her partner back. Colin says that he sometimes regrets that it took him a long time before he sought help, but reflects that the experience has strengthened his relationship with his wife.

Colin has a very supportive network of friends through his church and the Prostate Cancer Support Group, and is an active member of his church community. Both groups helped hem and his wife through cancer and depression. Colin’s faith is of great comfort to him. He and his wife talk each morning about how each other are feeling and Colin thinks this is essential to his wellbeing and the health of his relationship.

Colin valued his GPs willingness to engage in discussion about things he viewed as important.

Age at interview 74

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 67

I’m reasonably analytical. I like to find out what’s wrong, what caused it, how can I fix it up and I go – I will go through those things. My GP says, You’re a very hard man because you want to ask all those questions. Of course, and that’s what we should do because he did – he was also a big help to me because he real – he understood that I wanted to know why these things had happened, how we were going to fix it and how we can prevent it from happening.

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Colin talked about the benefits of looking forward, spending peaceful time with his wife, and…

Age at interview 74

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 67

it’s useful because you can – I think you can have a look at not what was yesterday – never look back at what yesterday was, I think that’s the worst thing – but look at what is to come, what are we doing today, where are we going today. And then you can go back sometimes and look at – we’ll talk about family, how we’ve raised our kids. That doesn’t happen very much. I think we’ve become quite self-centred the two of us because we talk about what is the day ahead and we’ll talk about our friends. We also read the Bible too. We read it together. And you put all those things together and it’s just peace in the house, peace in the room and our two cats they come and they’ll curl up with us as well because for them, animals, they detect peace and it is. it’s a very peaceful time in the morning, very essential to us. I don’t know what we’d do without it.

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Colin suggested seeing a GP because they were the gateway to treatment.

Age at interview 74

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 67

Feeling depressed – don’t be frightened to go and talk to your GP. Go and talk to your GP. If they appear not to have time, you’ve got the wrong GP, but you must tell them because they are the gateway through to treatment because they can give you the prescription for medication, they can give you the prescription to go to the correct person. They have their networks of who to go to and they are invaluable and that would be I think the best thing to – if you have depression you’ve got to go through those things. If you notice it and it’s been picked up, it’s the thing is GPs – they’re getting a lot of I think pressure at the moment to perform, but for goodness sake they’re the start, they really are the start. They know more about you than you think because they record everything.

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For Colin, sharing his experiences of depression with other men in a supportive and trusting…

Age at interview 74

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 67

The [peer support group] were a bunch of men who range from I suppose you’d say just retired to – I think I’m about the oldest one there at the moment – but we’ve uh, we all have a desire to talk and I think one of the greatest things in [peer support group]is the trust that runs between the guys. To begin with it’s a lot of leg pulling goes on, there’s a lot of ribaldry goes on, but as the time comes we get – we sit and talk to one another quite openly and being able to share things with and I’ve picked up two or three guys within the [peer support group] who are suffering themselves. One of them has been and seen his doctor and has been diagnosed. He started complaining to me about his wife, how she had drifted away from him and how his children were playing up. I just said to him, Uh, well you know what your problem is, don’t you? You. Startled look on his face, then very quietly I said, Go and see your GP. Promise?’ He has, and he has depression.

So [peer support group] I can help them as they helped me ’cause I get a lot of fun being with other men of basically the same age group. We do woodwork and metal work and anything, you know, it’s [sighs] – we built the place. We were given a – they call it a sow’s ear and we had to turn it into a silk purse. That was very helpful.

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Colin identified prostate cancer and the impact of treatment on his sexuality and sense of…

Age at interview 74

Gender Male

Age at diagnosis 67

I suppose the thought of what I was missing, what I’d lost, that’s probably the biggest thing. It would be the greatest thing; that you’re no longer able to perform as a complete man and the other thing that was with it as well is this terrible thing called incontinence all the time.

So you’re incontinent and you’re unable to, to perform – erectional dysfunction is – it’s there, but after medication all those things changed.

But if you were given a – with a lot of these things that they – if you’ve had a surgical procedure I think that there is enough information to tell you that yes depression is a possibility with most of these things because lifestyle change and the lifestyle change can affect a person dramatically because you have to stop doing (a) what you love; you have to stop doing what you have a passion about and with those changes it makes life very hard to get back in again, and that’s where I think the, the worthlessness comes because you knew you could do it in the past and now suddenly you can’t do it and the whole thing just really falls apart and that’s where – and the depression you don’t notice it but other people do because you’re virtually – you’re retracting into self; that black hole.

it’s anxiety that really starts it off; the anxiety of not being able to do things; anxiety, stress and then if you’re not I suppose strong enough but I don’t think we’re all that strong. I believe in everybody there is a, a little weak spot that can be called depression where you withdraw. Anyone who withdraws into themself to me now I see it as depression.

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