But I am probably sleeping better, I’m probably sleeping longer than I did before I had Covid, whether this is just my body recovering still, or I know I actually just need to sleep for, I think, my respiratory appointment told me I’m sleeping for nine hours a night now, which some nights before I was probably sleeping five hours, if that. So apart from sleeping more, physically I do feel I am getting better. Even since I’ve been home, the first couple of days you struggle to get in and out of a shower; in a few weeks, a couple of weeks, I was able to sing in the shower; so, you know it’s, now got easier to breathe, you’re now breathing easier. I can now walk up and down the stairs. I can now, every now and again the stairs might still catch you out, I might get to the top and be like, oh, hang on a minute, that’s a bit tight.

And even for the first while, I found…I’d got myself one of the oxi things on my finger, and I was checking that all the time and, yeah, just watching that get better and better each day, and when I do walk the stairs, I would put it on and find out that it I was getting better, I was able to lose less oxygen and I was able to keep my heart rate lower. Day over day I can feel myself physically getting stronger as well, as in because my job is quite physical, of lifting, I can now feel I can lift more. I know not to do too much…

We definitely as a family appreciate family more now, because that’s the thing, you never know when you could lose them. The fact that my mum and dad would ring every day to check up, then they’d have to tell my sister, even…even at work we had…we had to put a sign up saying that we were ill in hospital. My dad had to go over one day and put a sign up. We received so many emails from well-wishers, that some customers that even phoned my dad’s mobile that they had, just to say we hope you’ll get better. Yeah, just as a family we all appreciate each other more. The fact my brother was in hospital as well, we can talk about certain bits about the hospital together. He wasn’t in intensive care, so I’ve got my granddad I can…we talk to each other about that, and bits that he remembers, bits he doesn’t remember, but I can tell him I remember all of it except for two days when I was sedated. He was telling me he doesn’t remember being taken into intensive care, but he remembers being there.

So, in a way it’s good that I can talk to him about that, and my brother about what goes on, on the wards, because he understands that. And then to talk to my mum and dad and understand what they went through, not knowing what was happening. And the same with my sister again, just getting small updates, not knowing how bad…well, how bad it was, yeah, it’s just, yeah, it’s just the whole effect it had on the whole family, not just me; what they must have been going through knowing that both their sons, and my mum knowing her dad was in hospital with it, just makes us all appreciate each other a bit more.

So, you’ve mentioned a bit already, but how did you feel about leaving hospital?

So, I did my walk test, and the doctor said to me, oh, yeah, we’re sending you home. And it didn’t really sink in straightaway, and I said, okay, thank you, bye. And he went, and then went on to the next patient. And then about ten minutes later one of the nurses came up to me and said, are you excited you’re going home? And I thought, it hasn’t really sunk in yet.

And then I phoned my mum, and…I phoned my mum. And I was just talking to her normally, and I said, oh, by the way, Mum, er, are you free in a couple of hours to come and collect me? And she started crying. And I started crying. And she ran and grabbed my dad and said, Chris is allowed to come home. And, yeah, the…so the…they were…the nurses said to get your stuff together, they got my medication sorted from the pharmacy, because I’m on, for 84 days I’ve got to take blood-clotting treatment, I’ve got to inject myself twice daily still, and so they had to get all that for me.

And my mum and dad were able to pick me up two hours later. And they, oh, I did…the problem was that they parked in the car park; and walking only 30 metres to then being expected to walk 300, 400 metres to the other side of the hospital through the car park. So, they actually put me in a wheelchair, wheeled me to the door, and…I was able to hug my mum again, which at one point I didn’t think I could. So yeah, I just burst into tears, she did; and yeah, I just remember hugging my mum and dad for ages.

And then a nurse wheeled me to the car. I managed to get out for the last bit and walk, and just, yeah, just hugged my mum and dad for ten minutes. And then I came home, my sister was waiting, and she burst into tears, I did, and yeah, it was just…thinking that you’re never going to see someone again, to then be able to hold them… Yeah, it was really emotional.

And then you came home?

Yeah, then I came home… When you’re in hospital they got me to pass a walk test of walking 30 metres, on a flat surface, which is fine. But what they don’t tell you is if you come home and you're in a house where you have to go upstairs, stairs are ten times harder than walking 30 metres on a flat. And I was lucky I had my father here, he could support me as I took it very, very slowly walking up the stairs.

And I managed to walk up. And then for a week at home I had to live permanently upstairs, I couldn’t go downstairs to the kitchen, just because I couldn’t physically, my lungs wouldn’t take the stairs. But then after a week I managed to start getting more strength. I got told in intensive care I lost muscle mass in my legs, so my legs felt like jelly for a bit because I was laid not moving for 11 days.

So, building up strength in my legs again, I after a week managed to slowly go down the stairs. Going downstairs it was easier, and then I’d have to wait for my dad to come home from work just to be behind me just to follow me up the stairs, just in case something bad had happened. But I then managed to do it.

I did that for a couple of days, with someone there. And then after a few days I managed to, although I was still a bit breathless, within another week of being home I was able to walk up and down the stairs again.

So yeah, when I was sat on the ward for the last three…once he took the oxygen off, I felt a bit bad because my oxygen levels were able to…were pretty high even when I was not on oxygen, when I was sat there. But I was failing my walk test, but then for three days I was literally sat in my chair, fully clothed, feeling bad because everyone around me had masks on all day and I was literally sat there; because I couldn’t pass my walk test, I wasn't allowed home.

And it actually got a bit demoralising to fail two walk tests, and then just go back there, and you sit there without a mask on. And, yeah, I had my phone, and I could watch stuff on Netflix, but I was literally just sat on the ward just literally watching the clock, waiting for the next lunch, then you wait for the evening, your medication, someone come and take your sats every four hours. But yeah, I was literally sat fully clothed ready, I could go…I could sit there, my oxygen was sometimes reaching 100, just breathing normally, and I wasn’t allowed home because I couldn’t pass the walk test.

Obviously with technology as it is nowadays, I was also able to send them pictures, that I took a selfie every day of me wearing my masks and sent it to our family chat. So, every day I was able to, although I couldn’t always talk to them, I was able to send them pictures, we have a family chat, so I’d send them pictures. Because I had the mask on, I couldn’t really talk to them, but I tried to video… When I was sedated, apparently, on the first day, they Facetimed me and a nurse held it up; but I have no recollection of it at all. Apparently, a nurse held my phone up and was, like, in the picture with me to my mum and dad; but I don’t remember that at all, but my dad told me that they did.

But then as I obviously got…after my sedation wore off and I knew more I took a picture every day, sent it to them. I’d have messages from my brother who was downstairs, he would message me, my sister all the time. Because they hadn’t heard from me…a couple of my mates even reached out to my sister and said, like, oh, we haven’t heard from Chris in a couple of days, is he all right; and she told them, and then I got messages from some of my best mates just because I hadn’t been in contact with them since a couple of days. As I got slightly better, I managed to be able to text a few other friends and be like, I’m in hospital, I’m not doing great, I am getting better though so don’t worry. Yeah, it’s just lucky that technology is how it is now, that I could send pictures, send stupid messages from my sister, even, when I could, have a little video call just to people that, yeah, you’re getting there and everything’s okay. Just nice to see people, isn’t it, that’s the main thing, when you can’t see anyone, you know it was nice, just, yeah, just to be able to see them.

So, then they moved me down to the respiratory ward, I remember I was taken in, the doctor came – this is about eight o'clock in the evening – the doctor came straight in and said to me, hi, you’re on a respiratory ward, you’ve had this and this, do you have any questions. And I said to him…I remember I said to him, yeah, I’ve got one question, how do I get home? And he said, you need to be able to breathe by yourself and walk 30 metres. And he said, thank you, you’re the only person who’s ever asked me that. Because that’s what was in my head, that I wanted to get home then. And then, yeah, I was put on a ward with four of us. I settled in that night.

It was, again, the staff were amazing, nurses were there all the time checking on you, the doctors were there every day. And just I think I got in – I was on 40 per cent oxygen – the day later they moved me onto ten per cent oxygen. The next day the doctor said, try him with no oxygen, and I managed to have two days where I didn’t need any oxygen.

And on the third day of no oxygen, I managed to pass a walk test and be sent home, which was absolutely amazing, because there was a time when you’re in intensive care when you think you’ll not come out of there. But, yeah, when the doctor came in and said, are you able to call someone to come and collect you, that was amazing. So yeah, so that’s pretty much it.

And then you came home?

Yeah, then I came home… When you’re in hospital they got me to pass a walk test of walking 30 metres, on a flat surface, which is fine.

Yeah. And then you remember that you mentioned that you were on your front. So, does that mean you remember the proning? That’s what they call that, I think, don’t they?

Yeah. So, the physio probably – [I’ll get this] – after I’d been in there for four days the physio came and told me about proning. So, we tried it for a few hours where I was fully proned, and my breathing wasn’t great, my oxygen level wasn’t as good as it should be. So, then we tried sort of proning at a 45-degree angle, and then fully just on my side. And the best results for the oxygen were when I was on my side. And when I was always laid on my left side; if I laid on my right side my oxygen would drop again; and if I was laid on my front my oxygen massively dropped. So, it was [inaudible] I spent all the time laid on one side.

And, yeah, we had…or I did try every now and again to lay on the front because they said that was the best proning position; but it just didn’t get along, so they said to me don’t bother trying to do it, it’s obviously not going to help, just stick with what you’re comfortable with. And that was just, yeah, laid on my side. The nurses would then support me with some pillows in the back to stop me rolling while I was trying to sleep. And yeah, I just ended up always sleeping on the same side thereafter.

Could you turn yourself or did you require assistance?

I could turn myself. Oh, there was normally a couple of nurses or a couple of physios there, but I was still pretty able, when I needed to move up the bed, I could move myself; if I needed to turn, I could turn myself. I still had certain strength and I knew enough what was happening, like if they needed me to move – because I’m a big guy – I could move myself up the bed; although there was always help there if I needed it.

When I was in hospital, eating, I found when I was eating, my oxygen was dropping straight after, which said in your head you maybe think maybe I shouldn’t eat as much; or because you’re chewing and you’re not focusing on the breathing properly. I’d then end up thinking, oh, I won’t eat that much because I don’t want it to affect my breathing for the next hour after.

So, I think that played on my mind a little bit, that when I was eating it was then affecting my breathing so that I shouldn’t eat as much. But I was never really, really hungry at any point throughout the whole thing probably, although I did when I was on the ward eat the full meals that they let me choose. I just never really had a proper hunger again, probably till I came home and had a proper, like, cooked meal at home. But yeah, at no point was I hungry, but I was able to eat when they stopped feeding me through the drip.

And what kind of ward was the general ward? So, you’ve described there were four other beds? Is that right?

Yeah. So, when I got in, I was put in a corner by a window, which is nice, because they’d open a window, fresh air, and also being a butcher, I’m used to being cold. As stupid as it sounds, but when you handle cold meat or…like, the nurses always mentioned how cold my hands were. And the thing is, when you’re a butcher you’re handling meat that’s kept at one degree all the time, you’re in and out of fridges that are at one, or a freezer that’s minus-20, so you’re used to the cold. So, the fact that they were able to open a small window next to me and allow cold fresh air in, that was nice.

Yeah, and there was four beds. The nurses’ station was right outside the door as well, which was nice that they literally could see us at all times. And yeah, that it’s…it was nice to be by the window, I could look out the window, although there was not much there except for a couple of birds and a squirrel that were running up and down the tree every day. Just being able to see that was better than when you’re in intensive care there’s not much to see except for intensive care ward. But when I was in…put onto the general respiratory ward, to have a big window, to be able to see trees, even though it was January and it was grey and horrible most days, but it was nice to see light and see outside again.

And yeah, there was four beds in there. They weren’t too far apart as in we could still talk even with our masks on, we could all communicate, we all had a chat. The person in the bed next to me I think changed four times in five days. The first guy got sent home because he was better. The second guy came in and was getting better, so they moved him to a bay a couple of bays down, which when I was doing my second walk test. I then bumped into him because he was sat on a bay, right at the edge of the bay, so when I was walking in the corridor, I met him again, so that was nice. And yeah, it was just nice to have people there to talk to. And yeah, there was only four of us, so we were all laughing and joking and stayed together.

But then I started to improve, they managed to lower my oxygen to 45, I was then able to sit up in a chair, I was able to get out of bed, sit in a chair, the physio got me a chair, I was able to sit up. Once I’d started sitting up that really helped. A couple of times a day the physio would come and help me get comfortable and help me with my breathing. I’d have to have the CPAP all the time, but the nurses were always there to help me have a drink when I needed one, to give me more medication when I was getting struggling to breathe. And yeah, every day the physios would come in, help me get up, sit me in the chair, help my breathing.

What kind of symptoms did you have and how long did they last?

My symptoms would have been general fatigue and tiredness and struggling to breathe, very bad breathlessness, taking my inhaler all the time to try and relieve it – my reliever inhaler – but that was doing absolutely nothing. Just absolutely zero energy, a small cough but not really a cough, but yeah, just the breathlessness and really bad fatigue. And then when it got to a point of my breathing was, even when I was motionless and just sat or laid there. I was struggling to intake a proper breath, that’s when we knew I had to…I dialled 111, and then they put me straight on to an ambulance. Within half an hour I think the two paramedics were in my front room hooking me up, checking my oxygen, giving me oxygen, checking my blood pressure. And before I knew it, I was in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital.

And then you talked about the moment when they felt it would be good to put you on a ventilator.

Yeah.

Yeah. That was clearly an emotional moment.

Yeah. You hear so many stories about people not coming off them. While I was there someone on the ward I saw was ventilated. And the doctors tried to explain to me that it’s better for them to do it under a controlled time than if I suddenly get worse straightaway and they have to do it as an emergency; it’s better to have the time and let them do it properly.

But I just had this horrible fear of being ventilated and, say, you’d been motionless, that I wouldn’t come out of it. And I felt like I didn’t need it. Although they were telling me I did, and they were telling me I was on 100 per cent oxygen. I didn’t feel like I was…probably that I didn’t get any worse, that I’d stayed constant for a couple of days and that I felt I started to get a bit better, that I felt I definitely didn’t want it. But to find out after that they’d phoned my mum and dad to say they were going to do it, and then I argued with the doctors. I ended up at one point I think there was four doctors at the end of my bed all discussing it; and I told two of them that I didn’t want it. And [inaudible] they then explained about how it’s better to do it controlled rather than an emergency; and I said I didn’t want it.

And the doctors said to me, yeah, we respect that, we won’t do it, but they explained why they would want to do it. And they said they’d never want to do it with anyone, obviously, but they’d prefer to do it under their terms rather than emergency terms. But I was adamant that I didn’t need it. And then to get slowly better in two days, to be on 45 per cent oxygen, and then to keep improving, to then two days on the ward to have no oxygen. One of the intensive care doctors that saw me – that was on the end of my bed that day they’d told me about ventilating – came down, he was walking in the ward, and he saw me, and he came in, and he said a rude word, that he couldn’t believe how well I was recovering. From knowing that I was at the point of being ventilated five days before, to the point where I’m able to sit there with no oxygen, or ten per cent oxygen… Yeah, two of the doctors from intensive care were part of it throughout my five days on the ward, all came in to see me just to say they couldn’t believe that how bad I was and how close I was to being incubated, to then be sat there with no oxygen on, it was quite remarkable. And yeah, I’m just so grateful that I was able to pull through and I didn’t actually need it.

And did you agree with the doctors that if you had had to be ventilated as an emergency you would still have wanted it?

If I was…if it had to be done then, yes, it would have been done. But it sounds weird, but the way I felt, I felt I wasn’t getting any worse, I felt I was almost getting better, although my stats weren’t really showing it as though everything was staying the same, I felt like I was starting to get better. So yeah, if the doctors had been adamant and said there was no other choice; but as it turns out they were willing to stick with what I wanted to do. And then to improve how I have, and then get better, they obviously they ended up agreeing with me. And it looks like the right choice. I understand that wouldn’t be the same for everyone, but they agreed that they never want to do it to anyone and if I was adamant, they wouldn’t do it unless it was absolute last sort of [inaudible]. So yeah, it was horrible to even go through, to have them talking about it, to be laid there and know that there’s four doctors at the end of your bed and you can half hear what they’re discussing, that wasn’t particularly nice. But when I was so adamant that I didn’t want it, they did all agree in the end, which was nice.

But then I started to improve, they managed to lower my oxygen to 45, I was then able to sit up in a chair, I was able to get out of bed, sit in a chair, the physio got me a chair, I was able to sit up. Once I’d started sitting up that really helped. A couple of times a day the physio would come and help me get comfortable and help me with my breathing. I’d have to have the CPAP all the time, but the nurses were always there to help me have a drink when I needed one, to give me more medication when I was getting, struggling to breathe. And yeah, every day the physios would come in, help me get up, sit me in the chair, help my breathing.

Was slightly concerned, the fact that I’ve got asthma, but I was obviously at the time, A, worried because my granddad was in hospital, and the fact that he had it and he wasn’t doing good; and then the fact I was struggling. And it’s weird because ever since it happened, since coronavirus started at work, we’ve been…because I literally only had been to work and home, we were super careful, as in wearing masks, only two people allowed in our shop. And we tried to do everything we could to stay safe, by masking, doing that; and somehow one of us got it in the family. So that was the worrying thing. And, then once I obviously had it and I couldn’t control it with my asthma it got very scary. When the anxiety you get when you can’t take in a proper breath, which I’ve had a lot over the years with chest infections and asthma attacks. And it’s difficult to explain to someone, when you go to take a breath and you can’t breathe in it’s one of the scariest things in the world not being able to breathe. Yeah. So yeah, having asthma, going into hospital knowing that I’ve got a breathing problem that wasn’t down to asthma was a, yeah, it really, really was worrying that I knew it wasn’t that.

Yeah. So, I thought I was exhausted due to working at Christmas. Christmas was a bit of a blur; I don’t remember Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Then on the 27th I got a phone from my granddad who’d been taken into hospital and tested positive for Covid. So that night, myself and my family then booked Covid tests, and I struggled to get up to go and get tested. I eventually managed to get myself into the car, I got tested, came home, and within three hours we had to call an ambulance because I was struggling to breathe.

So, after working crazily up to Christmas we then tend to just have some quiet days at home. But those days were a bit of a blur for everyone. Everyone was just so exhausted and tired because we’d all worked the same. Just basically nothing really happened, we had a lunch but basically no one had any energy to do anything.

My dad was coughing constantly, and a clear, dry cough that meant he wasn’t bringing anything up, it was just a constant coughing. And again, he was bad with exhaustion. My mum again similar, she was tired all the time. Cold-like symptoms, runny nose, a small cough, feeling generally unwell. So yeah, they all got tested at the same time. And it was actually my dad when we got home from the test that called the ambulance for me because he could see that I was really struggling when I was sat there. So yeah, although he was struggling, he didn’t struggle so much with the breathing, his was more of the cough and the fatigue. Which is…was a bit weird, the fact that we’ve all…we all contracted Covid, but yeah, me and my brother suffered with breathing problems, my sister with fatigue, my dad with a cough, my mum was just generally unwell; to all have the same thing, to all test positive, but yet to all have a different range of things was also very confusing. Because it’s obviously something that’s not very well known about, and then we all had something slightly different.