Then last year in September we had to do on the back of the floods in Pakistan, a few of the people in our social circle put on a charity run. That was in [place name]. And I said, I want to do it. And I was looking forward to it, but it was a 5km run, and I’m a smoker and I was like, I was really dreading that. I was so scared of that run, and I thought, look, you know, you haven’t been able to, give yourself a chance with it, will you, just give yourself a chance, and I thought, well there are two days. I think it was a Sunday we were meant to do the run on. Give yourself a chance, stop smoking for two days before it, at least. So I stopped smoking for two days, and that was the first time I’d had two days off in a row since 2001 in December when I was doing my Masters and I took that one month off before Christmas. And so I had those two days off, then I’d do the run. That was a third day, and I felt that after that run I’d never felt so good. Best thing I did last year was that run. I was completed in the end 7 km, the weather was brilliant. There was an enormous sense of achievement amongst everybody that was there. It was such a feel good thing. And of the two days that I’d given up before then, and then that day itself, I thought okay, you’ve done three days now. Don’t smoke today for the rest of the day and then see what happens when you wake up.

Did you get any other sort of help in giving up smoking?

Theres no help. I mean they say theres help but there isn’t. I mean I had

Tell me about that?

I had a lung test. This was after I’d given up and I went to the doctor and I said, I wanted to ask about, you know, my giving up smoking. What kind of help or support. Can you tell me about what I will go through in the months to come. And the nurse had nothing at all, nothing constructive to offer. She, the best thing she did was take a breath test, you know. At the end of which I was shocked you know. I play regular sport three to four, you know, three times a week I’d say on average. And she told me, you know, at the age of 37 that I had the lungs of a 48 year old and that was a shocker. Because you know, I’m still, you know, in many respects I’m fitter than the average person, because I play sport that often, and that regular. But I knew my lungs weren’t good. Because I chain smoke and I used to chain smoke like crazy with my, you know, the whole cannabis which goes straight to your lungs. You’ve got no filter or anything, you know. And so I mean I was shocked, like 48, I thought blimey, you know, and when I mentioned it to some of my smoker friends they went really quiet, because they haven’t given up. There were some of my friends, and they were like whoa, and one said, Yes, but You know, you could see the denial on his Yet but I went to have a test and the nurse said that there was nothing wrong with my lungs. And I’m standing there thinking, you’ve been smoking as long as me. May be not as harsh as me, you know, as hard as me, but you’ve been smoking as long as me and not far off as much as me. Your lungs aren’t okay. I don’t know what test you took, but your lungs aren’t okay. You’re in denial. You know. I didn’t tell him all that but you could see them go quiet, because they understood suddenly like. Hes got lungs of 48 and he plays sport three times a week. What’s going on there?

But I just thought, but at the time when I wanted more she just didn’t seem to have any more to give in terms of, the nurse at the general practice I went to, and so I thought right fine I’ll just have to kind of muddle my way through it. But I didn’t, I didn’t think there was the support that they say is available. I certainly kind of, they didn’t sound like it to me.

So what type of support would you have wanted?

I don’t know. Someone to take me through some of the kind of the health things that would come along, with what are the phases, so you know, when you give up smoking, you know, what happened the first month? What will happened in say three months? What will happen in six months? What’s like to be the case in a year to two years? You know, how long does it take your lungs to clear completely? You know, will they ever be okay again? So this sort of thing. I thought that they should have this knowledge, you know, after all the smoking and these campaigns you know, to try and help people quit. I found that there was nothing you know. I thought she should have jumped at the chance of giving me the stuff. And she just didn’t, and I was just gob smacked that you know, I thought yes, okay, I’ve got lungs of a 48 year old. I have got anything else to happen? And she didn’t.

And did you try anything like Nicorette or anything like that?

I did buy a couple of boxes, but in the end I thought, you know, I, I didn’t, in the end in this attempt I’m making since September to give up smoking, I’ve not used a single bit of Nicorette gum or patch. I’ve done it, I’ve just got on with it. I’ve just got on with it. I wonder what I’ve done to replace it, you know, may be drunk a lot, more coffee, I put on a bit of weight. I have put on, I put on about half a stone, or three quarters of a stone. So that’s kind of had an impact on my badminton as well. Because I’m sluggish trying to get round the court. Because you can taste your food and you’re happy to eat more, and you’re replacing smoking with like, whatever. But yes, so, yes, I didn’t use any of that. I didn’t still feel I need to.

Did you use anything at all?

But yes, so, yes, I didn’t use any of that. No, I didn’t feel I needed to.

Did you use anything at all? Any sort of other techniques or substitutes or ?

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing whatsoever. In the end when it’s come to giving up, I’ve not gone, other than that breath, lung test rather, I’ve not had anything, you know, I’ve not got any advice, additional advice or support, I’ve not used anything Nicorette patches or anything. I’ve just got on with it. I’ve not talked about it to people much. They know, you know, I’m in the situation. I was playing badminton with a friend. Hes a very good friend of mine actually. And he gave up a few years ago, but he smokes as a social smoker, and at the weekend when hes a drinker. And, he said about four, not six weeks ago. So have you, have you smoked? I said, Oh I had a couple of the other day. You know, but this was out drinking and I didn’t inhale either because Oh you’ll never give up. I mean he, there are a lot of smokers who can’t give up say that. You know, we know why they do that, because they feel they’re getting left behind. Other people have gone and achieved this thing and it kind of probably highlights to them, the situation that they are in and how they’re not able to do anything. You know, they’re disempowered effectively to do anything about it. And he goes on, You’ll never give up, you know, whatever. And that was the second spur for me, that the was the second spur. I thought right okay. It kind of annoyed me that he didn’t have faith. I didn’t. You know, I wasn’t angry but I thought right, he thinks that so I said no more, not even trying to non-inhale you know, and then we were out about two weeks ago, and I was, like, you know, really in a state, you know, out drinking and what have you. And there was him and another friend, all university mates, you know, from Keele. We got together. And in that whole evening, I didn’t have a single cigarette or even ask or look as if I wanted. And I didn’t even think about it. Then the next, you know, two days later at badminton, you know, my mate says, You know what I couldn’t believe it. You were absolutely plastered and you didn’t even ask or weren’t interested in having a cigarette, a rollie. So you know, but you have to have little moment stages along the way, where, you know, that kind of thing happens, wheres there somebody tests you, and it all kind of raises a certain issue. Were all different anyway. And that was a nice little thing that he put me in a situation where I thought right okay, I’ve got to remind myself of what I’m trying to do here and get back on you know.

When I talked about giving up smoking, I said, I’ve had to demonise it. Which, and I knew at the time when I was trying to stop it, and I knew at the time when I was still smoking and hating it. I knew what I was doing. I was demonising it. I hated it. And I had nothing positive to say about it at that stage, you know, before I gave up that is, you know, leading in I mean for years now I’ve been wanting to give up, you know, three, four years or whatever. And I was a chain smoker and it wasn’t good, you know, and you know, just in my mind hating it. You know, understanding what it was doing. And getting fed up about using it as an excuse for being rubbish at badminton effectively, and not very good. And recognising that I had to hate it in order to give it up. And that I had to treat it like a person. Or I tried to treat like an entity. You know, that somehow it wasn’t me, but it was this thing. You know, I suppose someone might have been possessed or something, I didn’t want it any more, you know. And that’s may be what it’s like thinking about it, being like possessed you know, in some kind of way, demonising it and saying, Look I want I want to get rid of this. I’ve got to somehow exorcise and get rid of it. You know, and almost taking you out of yourself, and then you seeing it over there and not you any more where you are. And that’s basically what’s happened I think, because I see smoking as other thing now, rather than this thing that was sitting where I’m sitting. And that’s how I understand it, you know, so, yes.

But prior to that my health had pretty much deteriorated. I wasn’t in a awful state, there were a lot of people well worse than me, but I knew my lungs were in a bad state, because I’d spent most of uni, the know the time at uni I was a chain smoker and I was smoking a lot of cannabis as well. And that degree of smoking continued when I returned to Birmingham, so I was chain smoking then, and rolling tobacco one after the other. And if I managed to get hold of, you know, by this time when I returned as well, I was well prepared to get my own sort of little kind, as you call it a stash of cannabis and keep it and smoke that. And I’d kind of like smoke loads of that until it until it knocked me out really, so yes.

So how you smoke, did you smoke spliffs or ?

Yes, yes, yes. I smoked yes, yes, yes.

Was it skunk or?

There was a lot of that going round. I didn’t do much of that when I was at university. I mean strangely enough there was a period where, before I returned to Birmingham that was cut out, but it was mainly because I didn’t know where to get the supply from. You know, I ended up in parts of the country where we didn’t know enough people or we didn’t know where to So there was a period where I didn’t do that. But when I returned, pick up with very good friends, where I rejoined my friends and they were doing it. I mean, obviously, this was, I’d been smoking at uni anyway, but there was, once I’d finished my undergraduate degree, the period between that and 2002 before I returned, I didn’t have much of that. But when I returned I got back into it again. Spliffs. You know, you get your stash, hang out with your friends, or on your own, whichever way really.

And there was a period when, when my Dad died where I ended up doing quite a lot. There was a lot of skunk going around, you know, and that became the prevailing thing, just because it was so easily available. And did that and over the four or five, four years, five years that I did that, kind of really messed up my kind of outlook on the world, because it just disables you really, you know. You can’t function. So I did that. Then decided right enough of that, no more. I’ve got to get on with life and then I sort of cut that out, but I was still smoking weed. But I could tell all along the impact on my lungs was really bad. Because I was chain smoking, you know, rolling tobacco, cigarettes and then chain smoking pot whenever I got that. So yes.