The next doctor came, he checked it again and he said, ‘I’m sorry, you are not going home, you’ve got a stroke. He told me at that time Then they do not have a bed there in the Infirmary, you know. They took me there to some ward It was not stroke ward, it was something else, you know, some other ward, they put me there. Surgical ward I was there in the Infirmary for 7 days without any medicine, without anything, without any care, you know. Then I talk to the doctors, say, ‘It’s not right. You’re putting me in the surgical ward where people come hurt, you know, in the one night during fighting and tomorrow they go home and nobody looking at me, you know. ‘Oh we are arranging, we are looking for the bed. Then they took me to the hospital, you know, the bed was empty. They put me there, that’s it and I was totally’ unable to move, you know and in my hand or anything’ That’s what happened with me.

So you were initially in an acute medical ward, is that right?

I was, was initially admitted to the overnight ward, the, what would it be? The accident and emergency ward for overnight I was then taken into a, to a normal medical ward while there because the, as I say, I had the stroke on the Friday evening, so I was admitted on a Friday night, obviously on the Saturday and Sunday the normal medical staff were not working and therefore I was not admitted to the, to the specialist stroke unit till the following Monday. So for the Saturday, for most of the Saturday and the Sunday, I was in a normal medical ward and received virtually no treatment at all.

How were you in yourself? Were you able to move about?

No, I wasn’t. I was, my right side was virtually paralysed. I mean, I could move my right arm to a certain extent but, as I said, it had a mind of its own so therefore I was helped to be fed. I, there are televisions in our local hospital and therefore I had a television set pushed in front of my nose, so I was able to watch the cricket. There was a test match on at the time. I was able to watch the cricket and not, because I was able to watch the television, I wasn’t, I didn’t mope, or didn’t worry too much. I mean, theres not much that one can do. You’re in bed, you can’t move, what’s the point in panicking and worrying? You can’t do anything about it.

So the ambulance crew came very quickly, within about 12 minutes I think. And they were in a hell of a hurry and they whisked me off to the hospital, wouldn’t even let me stop for a toilet (bag) which subsequently became a bit of a problem. I was just in the clothes that I stood up in, that was it. But then I got into the emergency (unit) I was put on a trolley and nobody looked at me, not even in my direction for literally hours until I eventually saw a doctor and she said, We’ll book you in for a scan about three o’clock tomorrow

So what was all this urgency about? What’s the F.A.S.T. campaign about? You know. So that was the beginning of a rather unpleasant experience.

So continue on with your hospital experience.

Well I had my scan and somebody said, You’ve had a stroke I said, Great. I know I’ve had a stroke, the girl on the end of the telephone line says I’ve had a stroke. The paramedics say I’ve had a stroke. Thank you very much, I’ve had a stroke. So, what do we do now I was put on a general ward for about a week and then I was finally moved to a stroke ward, which was absolutely no different except that there were some other stroke patients there.

It was about a week before I had any kind of treatment, even medication. The likely scenario was never discussed. I had sporadic and brief physio sessions, but given no exercises or warnings about the effects of prolonged bed rest, etc*.

I never got off the ward until I was transferred to the stroke rehabilitation unit… so called. (In) which I had no rehabilitation whatsoever [sighs]. I’m sorry to be negative but there’s very little positive to cling onto. For instance, just simple things like, I mean, for a start I was kept in bed, flat on my back. And if I wanted to go to the toilet or have a wash or anything I had to have somebody wheel me there. I mean, after a while I got to the point where at least I could go to the bathroom on my own, if they would leave me alone. I had to appeal to the consultant and say, Look, I can, I’m OK to do this on my own. And he persuaded them to let me do it, because I found it difficult doing things with people standing around watching me. So it was very unpleasant and there weren’t even practical considerations like, I mean, I had bladder and bowel loss of control (as you do). I was, as far as you can possibly get from the bathroom, in an open ward. I mean, surely, it doesn’t take a great mind to say, Maybe we can move him down to (be), near the bathroom. Or maybe we can put him in a side room where, where he can take himself to the toilet

*text added after the interview by Ralph.

Thinking about your time initially in the hospital, you talked about, you know, having to get help to do things?

Mm hmm.

I mean, thinking about maybe were you able to get up and go to the toilet or was that something you needed help with as well?

No. In the first 2 weeks, 2 weeks, yeah, I had to help, get help with a bed bottle, you know, the bottle and I had to go to the toilet, I had to get help to go there and in the toilet, cleaning myself, I couldn’t do that, you know, that was, you leave all your dignity at the hospital door when you go to the hospital, you know, and don’t get me wrong, the nurses were fantastic. They don’t, they don’t bother. I was more bothered than they were, you know, but dignity is a great thing to have and to lose it, you know, ‘That’s, this is not me you know, and I was determined as soon as I could I would do these things myself, you know, go to the toilet myself and clean myself, things like that because it is a terrible thing if you’re not used to it and I’m standing there and I’ve been doing these things, you know, I can’t handle it, you know, I couldn’t handle it and I said, ‘It’s not for me, I can’t do this, I’ve got to get on with my life. I must. Things like that. The, the bed bottles were OK. That was OK but nothing else. No. Not going to the toilet, no.

How about getting up to use the bathroom?

Oh no. The, the first, the first the nurse came with me for the first, oh, I think for the first, I could never’ I could never shower myself while I was in the hospital. I always had a nurse to do it. Oh, you’re, you’ll not do any thingmies when you’re in hospital, you know, you just, that’s it. I tell you, you learn, you learn fast [laughs]. But it didn’t bother me anyway because I was, I’d had many years in the army and I mind after I was wounded in the army, I couldn’t do very much then either but however but the nurse came and she showered you and I remember the first time when I was in Ward 6 I said to the nurse, I said, ‘Oh, I’d love to get a shower, a wash or something’ and she said ‘I’ll get a lift’ and they put you under this lift and they lifted you up and carried you and you over the bath and they dropped you into the hot bath. Oh, and it was heaven. But they couldn’t, they couldn’t have been better to me really not. Really was good. And up to, I think it was the last week right enough when I was in Ward 4 that I managed to go and shower myself. I did it the last week but you had to be so careful because it’s slippery, you see. It wasn’t, I think not because in the end I couldn’t do it, you know, with my right hand I couldn’t have done it but you’re frightened you fall, you see, when your legs are not very good. And then it’s trying to get, dry yourself, it’s difficult when you’re one arm, one hand at that time but, oh, I’m alright now.

You mentioned there about things like using the toilet and were you also needing to have help with things like showering and washing and how did you feel about that?

Everything was extremely difficult because I wasn’t mobile at all. I mean, you really, when you’ve had a stroke, you’re just a dead weight and so they had this hoist which they, and they put me on to it and I was hoisted out of the bed onto the I can’t think of the word [laughter] now, that is something that happens even now, 7 years on, I can, my memory can just, my mind just shuts down completely and I can look for a word but the word won’t come and so I can’t tell you [laughter] I can’t tell you what this word is but it was a portable toilet and I was lifted on a hoist onto the portable toilet and that was certainly a lot easier than the bed pan.

But I was very lucky. There was a lady, a nurse in the hospital who’d actually worked in rehabilitation and she seemed to understand that I found things very, very difficult. She was Australian, but she was a very, very nice lady and I said that I felt I hadn’t had a bath, I hadn’t had a shower, I felt awful. It, it’s a horrible feeling. You just feel very unclean and as if you don’t want people to come near you because you feel you must smell and, and everything must be awful. So she really did understand and she said, ‘I’ll find some way to help you’ and she found a chair with a hole in the middle and she got the hoist and she hoisted me onto this trolley chair thing with the hole in the middle and she took me to the loo, actually a proper, a proper toilet, which was absolutely, I can’t tell you the feeling and she obviously understood and this apparatus just went straight over the top of the toilet and because I was sitting in a hole, which was absolutely fine, that was really good and so I was actually able, I felt, I can’t, well, I can’t describe to you how I felt. It was, it was absolutely wonderful.

And then she also understood that I felt unclean and she said, ‘I’ll be able to wheel you in this trolley contraption down to the shower room and I think I can get you under the shower. Oh, well, it was absolutely, absolutely marvellous and she did just that and I just stayed on this, this, this contraption and she wheeled me in, turned the shower on, I had a shower. It was absolutely wonderful, it really was.

Tell me about your experience of, you know, having to have somebody help you with washing?

It was horrible because the particular nurse, say, the particular nurse that did it wasn’t a very friendly nurse. She was very young and she didn’t chat. Some of the older ladies, as they’re washing you, they’ll chat and have a joke and a laugh and that’s great and, and make comments and, but this particular, the very first time, I was mortified and I just couldn’t do it and she said, ‘Well, I’ll come and bath you’ and she made an odd comment and she went away and I just cried. I just laid there and cried and I thought, ‘Nothing can be any worse than that’, to have somebody, because I’m aware of what’s happening obviously and then from then on, as I say, it, the next few times were easier and then gradually, they brought a thing of water to the bed and a flannel and some soap and the first day I washed myself in bed and I cleaned my teeth after about 4 days.

It was absolutely wonderful and that was a turning point and then the next goal was I get into that bathroom and I have a bath, well, I had a shower actually. It was much easier to sit in the shower at first but I managed it that way and there were grab rails at the side that you can hold on to and the nurses will stand by. Theres no chance of you having a fall. They were great. They give you the respect. They’ll stand outside the room while you get your underwear on or off or whatever. That, to me, was just the first stage in a long recovery but it was such an important stage being able to keep myself clean on my own. That sounds silly saying that. It’s something you take for granted every day. You get up and have a wash but you haven’t got the ability to clean your own teeth and illness is something that had never registered with me in my life before and I think this is probably why it came as such a shock because I was a fitness instructor and very, very healthy. Had I not had that as, as my lifestyle up to that point in time, I perhaps would have found it a lot easier to adapt.