I mean the physical side of things changes, doesn’t it? Was that something that concerned you at all or were you both?

No, I think it was more because my husband wanted me and [laughs] I wasn’t bothered [laughs].

[Laughs] And how did he cope with that then?

He understands, you know, he knows and he understands. And I think what I’d say, as long as you, you have hugs and cuddles and you’re nice to each other and, you know, share time with each other and you are loving with each other, then that’s more important in that sense, so as long as he gets, you know, as long as you get your cuddles and that, then were fine.

Well, I suppose I definitely had a loss of libido. I wouldn’t, you know, I just, but it was backed up by the fear of miscarriage because I had two miscarriages, you know, before I had this one. [baby noises] So, and I, so I just, it wasn’t an issue. It wasn’t even something I’d consider. I just sort of, it was ‘No. And I didn’t really feel guilty about it or anything, so. Although I’m sure my husband would have had sex if it had been on offer, but he didn’t push the subject, so.

And was that throughout pregnancy you felt that way? Or did it change?

No, I just, I felt that way the whole way, the whole way through. In fact I still probably feel that way now, actually [laugh].

I was saying that one thing that really annoyed me as well, my friend in the first preg-, with my first pregnancy bought me this book ‘Everything you need to know about pregnancy, but only your best friend will tell you’ or something like that. It was an American author. And there was a paragraph about sex, or a chapter about sex in it. And basically saying that you should be having, you should be having sex with your, sex with your husband and, you know, otherwise hes going to lose interest. And I felt so disgusted by what shed written, I thought, you know, you’ve got to – in fact I was so disgusted I wouldn’t read any more of the book. So like, I just, you know, I think it’s up to the individual and not, she shouldn’t be telling you whether, you know, you should or you shouldn’t be having sex.

One thing I never expected how quickly she would get enormous. It depends on the, on the woman but watching her changing and trying to comfort her and let her realise that it’s fine. I think that’s something that she didn’t necessarily expect. I think she knew she was going to be pregnant, she knew her body was going to change, but I don’t think she knew how she was going to react to that. I think that’s something that I feel is very important as part of my role to let her know that A) it’s natural, B) she is, she looks well, she looks happy, she is healthy, and that she is still attractive. She is definitely still attractive and that’s an important part of, of my role I think to do that.

But I think I’m quite lucky that I didn’t have really, really terrible symptoms during my pregnancy. I felt actually the happ-, the healthiest I’ve been for ages, and mentally I think it made me feel much more stronger than I would normally have felt [laughs]. So yeah –

Tell me about that, feeling stronger mentally, how?

Just like, I mean, for example I do think a lot of people say, Women and their hormone. And obviously because I was going through the whole thing of Do I want to be with my boyfriend or not sort of thing, you know, a lot of people think it’s just your hormones and stuff. And I do, I do believe that, yeah, your hormones make women more feisty – not feisty, but I think you, you’re in a position, my theory is that women when they get, are pregnant, go back to cavewomen mentality. And it’s not necessarily a negative thing. It’s just that – because I believe that, because for most of the human existence weve actually been living in a kind of stone-age like way, and technology, a technological society for such a tiny time of our existence, that mentally we do revert to a sort of cavewoman thing. So, you know, you want have, you want things to be right. You want to know that when this baby shows up that you’re going to be supported and things like that, you know. If things aren’t very well in your life you want to make, you want to make sure that it’s going to be well, basically. So I think, you know, so I think that’s another thing that affects relationships with men generally. I think men are quite quick to say that you’re having a hormonal thing Well, shes hormonal, your hormones are going wild and this and that. And it’s not. I just feel it’s that women actually know what they want more when they’re pregnant, and they’re quite happy to say what they want when they’re pregnant. And instead of actually acknowledging that that’s the reality, people are just prepared to say, You’re upset because of your hormones, don’t worr, to keep the status quo, when the reality is that maybe certain things need to be changing, justifiably and realistically, and people don’t want to face that, so they just blame hormones.

I read about domestic violence and stuff when I was at university. I did quite a few things about that. And it’s been shown that most women who experience physical violence, the first time they’re actually hit by their partner is when they’re pregnant. That’s quite a big time for when a lot of the physical violence starts for women. And I think part of it might be because women do get a bit more feisty. If you’re with someone and they’re not working or, you know, they’re just hanging out with their mates all the time, or something like that – or they’re behaving violently or whatever, or they’re drinking – you’re perhaps more likely to say, Look, this is the deal or whatever. And perhaps, and obviously I think your hormones probably do make you more emotional, but I think that maybe that’s the time when women will say, De, de, d a lot more, and might – a situation may occur in which a woman gets hit, you know what I mean? And I think theres that. And also I think as well that for a lot of men who haven’t had very good childhoods, I think seeing a woman pregnant is a, makes them feel more stressed out than they might do normally. Because obviously if you’ve got a bad childhood behind you as a man and then you’re confronted with a pregnant woman having your baby and then all the pressures that means on you then I think that can make men maybe more aggressive, in their unconscious way. And might lead to stuff like that happening. That’s my theory. It’s not something that’s [laughs] been proven in real life or anything like that.

I hated everyone, didn’t want no one near me, hated everyone. I actually had a fight in work, when I was pregnant, with my boss, because he, he cut me down from 32 hours a week to 16 and made me stand on a till. And I ended up having a fight with him and walking out because my emotions were high, my hormones were up the wall, because my body wasn’t used to it. The slightest person would only have to say, ‘Hello’ to me and I’d bite their head off. Just stupid little things like that. Like my mum for instance, my mum would come in the room, go, ‘Are you all right?’ And I’d like swear at her or just tell her to get out of my face. And she knew I never meant it, but it was because I think it was my hormones up the wall. But that’s what done my head in, because I was really angry-headed when I was carrying her, really. It was horrible, because I just used to flip for nothing. I used to just scream and shout at people and things like that. Like my brother, I battered my brother when I was pregnant. And my sister, because the pair of them just were getting on my nerves. They were just sitting there and they were like rubbing my belly and talking to the baby and because it done my head in, I flipped because it was just the way I was. I was too hot, I just wanted it over and done with, from start to end I wanted it finished with, I just wanted her out.

So it was doing my head in.

Are your brother and sister older or younger?

Younger, younger. But no, I had to, they just drove me up the – it was my hormones. I actually went to the doctor and asked the doctor about it and the doctor just said to me, ‘It’s your hormones. Because your body’s not used to carrying the baby because you’re only young yourself, he said, ‘your hormones are all up the wall’ he said. ‘So that’s why you’re biting everyones head off he said. ‘Just try and relax. If you think you’re going to bite someones head off, go for a little walk or go outside and have some fresh air or something’ he said. ‘And try and like take deep breaths and calm, count to ten’ he said. ‘Try and do anything to relax you, go and have a bath or anything’ he said. ‘Just don’t be flipping, he said, ‘because you’re going to need everyone around you. I don’t know. But it’s my hormones. I still blame them to this day, that it’s my hormones.

Was anything else going on?

Not really, no. Me and my partner split up, me and the baby’s dad, that upset me.

When, how far along into the pregnancy did that happen?

I think I was, I think I was about five months. Hed gone on holiday with his brother and I’d gone for my second scan when I found out I was – I asked them, could they tell me what the sex was? They told me I was having a little girl. And I tried to phone him all day to let him know that he was having a little girl, and I just couldn’t get no answer. And then when I finally got in contact with him in the night he was like dead funny with me and dead weird and things like that. So I told him he was having a little girl and he just went, ‘Oh, that’s nice and put the phone down. And then it was like a week or so after, when he come off his holiday, that I thought, ‘I can’t cope with you no more, you’re just, you’re really str-, you’re acting like a big kid, you’re really stressing me out.

Did he not care?

You see he does care, but it’s just, I think he was a bit, I think he felt a bit jealous because I live with my mum and my stepdad. So I think he felt a bit jealous because they were doing everything for me. If I needed something they’d go and get me it, and if I needed something for the baby they’d like say, ‘Give us the money, well go and get it. I think he felt a bit pushed out at first. But I told him not to be, but it was, it wasn’t working for a while, we had all bickering for a while. I think to be honest with you we were really staying together just for the baby, just for the fact that I was pregnant and the baby’s sake. But we had a good long talk about it and I says, ‘Well, you can see the baby when you want. I’m not going to stop you. But, please, do me a favour, don’t ask me to get back with you because I couldn’t cope with you. I’ve got enough. I said, ‘I’ve got the baby, you’re like a big baby yourself. But I was thinking he was jealous or he felt pushed out, one or the two.

How much older is he than you?

Six years.

So he was 24?

Yeah. So hes still a big kid himself.

How long had you been together when this happened, when the pregnancy happened?

Two and a half years.

Right, so a good while?

Two and a half years wed been together. I still see him now like, but, no, couldn’t, couldn’t go back down that lane. You know, two and a half years we were together. It was nice for about two years, and then that half a year it just started going down the pan, started arguing over everything and bickering, and I moved out and come back home and things like that, because I just couldn’t, couldn’t cope with him.