And in terms of your relationship together, how has both pregnancy and then being a parent affected your relationship together?

Well, I mean, I think were stronger, were definitely stronger. And both of us just look at her and just think I can’t believe shes here, shes ours Hes just over the moon I think. My husband said that hed like to give up work and look after her and I’d go to work full time.

In terms of kind of just having a baby, how has it made you feel about life?

Now I know what I was missing out on, because I’m thinking, What did I used to do with my time And it was just work. Work, work, work, and that’s it. But we know now what we were missing out on, you know, weve got the little angel.

Well, two years down the line we just absolutely love it and hes a constant source of joy and exasperation and, you know, just fantastic. But I, I don’t want him to be sort of a trophy child as in, ‘Oh you’re in a wheelchair, oh isn’t it nice you’ve got a baby?’ ‘No, I’ve got a family, actually. That’s what I want, a family. And because we have a lot of different people coming into the house, then I think it will be really nice for him to have a sibling, because the people will be coming into the house not specifically for him but to help me, or to help with the children, or to help with the cooking, and I want it to be a bit more normal.

I was a bit worried about other people saying, “She doesn’t look at all like her dad” which is happening sometimes, now that shes born, but well, we just cope with it. My husband usually says, “Oh well, she just looks a lot like her mum” and that’s it. But I was worried about all the little things, you know;

Once she was there, though, everything just disappeared, all my worries, you know, I just loved her straight away from the first instant, and my husband actually fell in love with her from the first instant as well, and he said to me, “Oh shes beautiful.” And when a couple of hours after she was born I said to him, “Did you, when you, when she was born, did you have the impression that, you know, how did you feel? That you just, ‘Oh shes not mine or something?” He said, “I forgot completely about it. Shes mine and that was it.” So, you know, I was very happy at the time because I realised that, you know, wed made the right decision;

Weve still got a long way to go, you know, and I hope that well be able to communicate with her, and tell her that’s what happened and things like that. That well be open about it, because I don’t want it to be a taboo, but I know sometime it’s difficult for men, I think more than for women…

But when she was born it was just like I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I mean, the first night in hospital I just didn’t sleep, I just looked at her the whole time, you know. And even, I really even got told off by the midwife for just, you know, “Just leave her alone, you know.” I was like stroking her all the time, but I think I’ve been very over-protective of her in a way. And maybe some people are saying that’s a little bit, you know, I should relax a bit more, but I just can’t take my eyes off her and I just want to be with her all the time;

But, you know, I’ve waited five years for her to come and shes very, very precious for us, so I think I deserve to be with her and to spend time and all these things, because that’s what, my dream has finally come true.

Hmm. How do you think – I mean, kind of linked to that – being a parent has made you feel differently about life in general?

Oh, I’m, I’m much more emotional about everything. You know, I can’t bear to watch programmes on the telly about, you know, children who are in poverty or distressed, you know. I find it really, really difficult. I mean, I could have watched it before and thought how horrible it was, but I’d have been quite detached from it. I just can’t detach myself from it now. It’s, anything, any inhumane act I just find incomprehensible. And I, it’s just really homed that in, really, that it’s, you know – and then there were, I, I got to such a state at one point I just couldn’t believe the world we were living in and how people treated each other and, you know, it got quite, quite bad – not quite as bad now, thank goodness.

Yeah, do you think, does it make you kind of think about other mothers around the world, or – ?

Yeah, and I mean we watched Sport Relief which was on not long ago, and there were like these poor little children, you know. They’re just, you know, they’re still in nappies really, or they should be in nappies but they can’t afford a nappy, and they’re like working. They’re on like scrap heaps picking out bits of rubbish to survive, you know. And you think it shouldn’t be happen, that shouldn’t be happening, you know.

Well, I think, well, first of all, they’re a human being, just the same as, you know, any, anybody else, who’ll have a full life span and be able to participate fully in society – well, you know, to their ability. So they’re great, you know, they’re great, the kids are great fun, they’re sociable and lively, and usually quite contented. [pause] I mean, I think as well, it makes you value people more, regardless of their, you know, status or wealth or achievements, because, you know, everybody has the same, has the same basic rights, and the fact of having ability that’s maybe a bit less than you’d expect, doesn’t mean that their life isn’t worth anything.

There haven’t, being a parent hasn’t been as difficult, so far, as I anticipated. Having a baby hasn’t been as difficult as I anticipated, and I know that my partner feels the same way, but I know it’s just the beginning [laughs] so I’m not sure how it’s going to change. But I am expecting for it to be very difficult at times. I feel that weve settled into it quite quickly and got used to the lifestyle change. And I was really someone that went out all the time, and now I can’t ever go out [laughs] but I don’t mind. And it seems to be all worthwhile and it’s just, it’s funny because I saw people before I had the baby that would say, “Oh, but you know, it’s all worth it.” And, and I thought, "Oh God, I’m not going to be like that at all." But I feel really funny, but I do, that it, it is worth while and that I just felt that I, it hasn’t been too challenging so far, it’s just come to me, that I want to look after him, or that I’m enjoying the change in my life.

Some women say that their relationship with their husband sort of emotionally and physically changes after they’ve had a baby. Would you say that was true?

It is true. I think you just get, you’re just too tired, you know. Sometimes you just get too tired, especially if shes not sleeping through the night. And shes going through this funny stage at the moment where shes just waking up, sleeping, waking up and won’t sleep unless she sleeps in our bed, and then, you know, you have to take her out and put her back in her own bed, and then she wakes, wakes up again, so shes going through a really funny stage at the moment. So it is just – and then with the fasting during Ramadan as well now, so were both, were just tired. And it’s just, Yeah, okay, what do you want to eat Okay that’s fine Deh-deh-deh. And it’s just like that. It’s quite worrying [laughs]. But we do like, on a Sunday he doesn’t work, and so we do try and make an effort on a Sunday to go out to together and we take the baby with us. Okay, to take her, take her with us, or we might just go to town or just go somewhere and go for a coffee, so we tend to make an effort of doing that on a Sunday.

And what was it like coming home with him?

Well, I hadn’t, I was one of those people that was not, I mean, I’m a last, last minute person, so I hadn’t got my steriliser out of the box and things like that. And I needed to use my steriliser when I got back because I was sort of half – I was breastfeeding, but obviously because it wasn’t working out, it was quite useful to have a bottle available just in case, just to sort of take the edge off the hunger and stuff like that.

So I wasn’t completely prepared when I got back, and obviously because I’m living on my own by the time I was having the baby, so, you know, unless you’ve got somebody who’s actually going to come round and make sure that everything is put away – once you’ve left in a hurry to the hospital, if you come back and certain things aren’t done, it’s still not done when you get back. And if you’re on your own you haven’t got, you haven’t got everything done for you, you know what I mean? So that was the only thing, I think, you know, coming back, it was a bit of a nightmare because he woke up, as soon as the front door slammed, and I was thinking, I’ve got to get some bottles sterilised and I’ve got to get some breast milk pumped And so like he woke up and went, Waa,

So I had twenty, him going for twenty minutes going Waa while I was breast-pumping and I was crying and stuff [laughs]. And it was generally quite a stressful thing coming home, but.

So when you move into your own place and you have her on your own, what, who will look after her when you go to work?

My mum. My mum and my sister, they will. Those two said they’ll come round and they’ll, they’ll get her or they’ll mind her in the house or they’ll ask me to walk up with her, and they’ll mind her and things like that. Or the baby’s dad. Hell come, hell gladly come and take her off for me. He always does. If I ever, if I need anything I just phone him and hell go, ‘Oh, I’ll be up in a minute and I’ll get her’ and things like that. Or if my mum and that can’t do it because they’re in work, and hes not, so I phone him and say to him, ‘Can you have the baby?’ and things like this, do you know what I mean? And he goes, ‘Yeah. Comes up to get her and he takes her for a while. So she gets, I have got like a good supporting family. Because if it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be back at work, because it was actually my mum and my stepdad that noticed the advert, the job, and they put my name forward and I got the job, do you know what I mean? And they said, ‘Although it’s only part time work it’s something. It’s something for you to have that few hours break and something for you to communicate with other people instead of sitting in the house all day with the baby, to have a conversation with other adults and get friendly and things like that. Because I used to just sit here and talk to our baby or watch the telly with her. When she was newborn all she done was sleep, so I used to just watch the telly. But it’s, it’s brilliant going back to work, I love it. She was only two months when I went back to work, two or three months, two and a half months I think she was. And it was lovely, the best thing I’ve ever done.

Did you feel that you really missed adult conversation?

I did and I didn’t. It’s different when it’s your family, isn’t it, because you can’t talk, really talk to your friends and things like that. So that I had adult conversation with my mum and that. But when my mates come round, they come round and have a little cuddle of the baby and have like a little gab, ‘How you getting on?’ and things like this. And then it would be, ‘Oh, listen, I’m going to have to go, I’ve go to be somewhere do you know what I mean? So to me really they weren’t even coming round to see me. They were coming round to see the baby and to have a little cuddle. And then all of a sudden that stopped, so I don’t have the conversation with my mates no more. So I really only had the conversation with my family until I got back into work and then I just went, like I got back into work, I work with five other people and them five, they’re lovely, they are. They’re brilliant people to get on with, they are lovely people. But I’m made up that I got the job because it give me something to do.

And had you always thought you’d go back to work?

I didn’t make a decision on it, because I’d no idea what effect the baby would have on me, and I’d heard some mothers say that they really needed to get back to work and other mothers just wanted to be with the baby, so I didn’t know how I’d feel, so I kept an open mind..

And what made you decide in the end that you wanted to go back?

Well, I love my job, and I’d had several jobs before that which weren’t ideal, so I didn’t want to let go of that job unless I had to, really, because, you know, they don’t always come along that easily. And it’s a nice place where I work.

Being a parent has enlightened our lives and our families’, and weve been very lucky with a very happy, contented child. Weve had no problems, she sleeps, she eats, she talks and were loving it. The choice of going back to work for me wasn’t a difficult choice. I wanted to be around and to be a mother to our baby, certainly for the first couple of years, and having done just over a year, I’m delighted that I made that choice, very happy.

Do you think you will go back to work at some point?

I will go back to work at some point, not to my initial job, because obviously I’ve had to hand my notice in, that’s the end of that. But I would like to work again in the future, yes, very much so.

Is there any advice that you would offer other young single women who are pregnant and who may be in the same position to the one that you were in?

Okay. If I could give advice to other people that were young and pregnant like I was, I would say, enjoy it, forget what everybody else says, you’ve got to enjoy your kids. You’re never going to have that time again and you don’t want to miss out on the time, but you can offer them everything. You know, I’ve got 2 very happy, healthy children, you know, although I’m single, I don’t have a job and I’m young, but you’ll, you’ll always have a roof and you’ll always have money and the main thing is to enjoy them, make the most of them and not worry about what you can’t give them; think about what you can give them.

Like I say, mine are, they’re lovely kids and everyone would say that. And just don’t worry about what people think. I’ve given up worrying about what people think, because I’ve got to know so many people through toddler groups, and the toddler group I go to is mostly older, older, professional mums and I’ve gone in there very confident, whereas a lot of them are really not confident. And I’ve found that some of them are now my best friends and they’ll come to me for advice, and being a mum, I don’t think it’s got anything to do with your age or your situation, because it’s completely alien. It’s not something that you can learn at college or you can learn over the years; you’re a mum when you’re a mum, and I don’t think it makes, actually, much odds. You’ve just got to have the confidence to believe in yourself and what you’re doing.

When my son, my first son, my first baby was one I got very depressed. I’d been back to work for two months and I’d acknowledged in my mind that he was now out of the big woods that wed been in. He, his heart was looking good and his health was improved. So wed got effectively the all clear in January, I’d gone back to work probably a week after I’d got the all clear. So I hadn’t had very much time for myself to recover my strength physically or emotionally, but I’d already been off work for ten months and for someone like me, who’s used to having a full-time income, I was already going to a part-time income, I’d already been on unpaid leave and a bit of compassionate leave, but the money was really running out. And so I just sort of got brave and went back to work and just went with it, and actually two months in I crashed and burnt. He was one. And I, I wasn’t really willing to give it the label depression, but now in hindsight I probably would say I was depressed;

Physically I was exhausted, I didn’t feel like I wanted to get out of bed in the mornings, despite the fact I had a one-year-old to care for. So I sought help from my doctor and I did actually get a counsellor through that episode of depression. So actually ever since I’ve been seeing the same counsellor, and so I did have a sort of basis of support in the sense that I was talking to her about what I’d been working through, what happened with my son being so ill, working through some of the emotional stuff that I hadn’t been able to process at the time because everything was so full on. There was stuff that I just had to work through after, after the event. And so my counsellor was actually quite helpful when I got pregnant again talking about how it might bring back some of the emotions that I’d felt around having [baby], having my son. So yeah my, my counsellor helped me think about how being pregnant again may have, be impacted upon by having had such an ill son, my first baby. But that was something I went out and sought for myself really, I got and, and, you know, a telephone number from my GP, but, I didn’t, you know, that counselling was something that I was paying for and was working with on my own.

Does it help?

It did help. I think, it’s definitely helped me sort out how I feel about having had a son with a heart defect and how I feel about being a mother. Because I sort of had a baptism of fire into being a mother, you know. It wasn’t, I don’t think it’s easy for anyone to become a mother especially – I don’t know, in our society were quite busy professional workers, and having had a career and then becoming a mother, also having a career that’s sort of taking a back-burner, you’re making compromises of your own life about, you have much less freedom to do what you like, so I, like everyone, I had to sort focus on what that felt like;