What, -the same doctor that introduced us to a carer centre, because I wasn’t going to no carer centre, at that time was a doctor attending and she said, ‘Oh do you know about’, she said, ‘Do you know about, what you call it, as a carer centre for carers’, so I said -and for users as well. So I said, ‘No, I don’t know anything about it, I’ve never heard of that place. It was the doctor attending that mentioned it to me. Anyway I went, I went to see where the place were and then I started going there. She was going as a user and I was going as a carer and that’s the first time that we started to get a little bit of information about, you know, different things and-. But before we were so much in the dark about this mental illness, I’m not joking, we were so much in the dark about it and you didn’t have, you didn’t really have anybody to tell you anything in them times. You didn’t have no one who could tell you anything, explain to you about much, not really. Not like now.

That’s when I find it frustrating and not help, when I’m in the NHS. But when we moved here three years ago I found a lot better help up here. There’s a charity called Making Space, which are for the carers of people with mental illness. So you get a carer support worker, and she was absolutely fantastic. So I could see her any time I liked. Ring her any time I liked, and every time I did ring her or there’s, -she’d always fit me in. And she’d just either listen or she’d give me practical advice on how to speak to Adam, or what to do. What could be helpful, what’s unhelpful, but she’d see it from my side as well. So it’s a release for you because someone’s actually acknowledging that, the impact on you and your health, you know. Because it’s very, very draining looking after somebody with mental illness. And, if they’ve got a physical illness as well, and the physical is one thing but mental illness is a completely different kettle of fish.

Ah, they do, you know, talking. I come here many times and give talks myself, over the years, over the years I’ve been a lot of places and give talks, you know, I’ve done that over the years. They come here, they encourage you, they talk to you, they, they make you, -here is like your home, like a home when you come here, all the carers we get on so well. So well, and they may have different things for you to do, different activities, we go here, we go there and make ourselves. I mean, about two or three years ago I think, about two or three years ago I went on a four day trip to Dublin and I really enjoyed that, I really did, and the first time that I’d been to Dublin and it was lovely. A group of us went -carers- and I really had a good time, so these things it breaks the tension, it breaks the thinking and the worry, so it’s good this place, they do a lot of things for the carers. We do all sorts of different activities, going out there, doing this art work, all sorts we do, so it’s, I can recommend it to anybody, but as I say, they could do more actually for the carers, I think they could do a lot more, you know.

Ok, la. I don’t speak much English, only little bit. When we come here, we try not to think too much, just to enjoy ourselves. Not to think about our problems. Last week, we went to Harrogate. The organiser took us out, big group of us, for fun and afterward we came back here for dinner, than we went home. The whole day was gone just like that. It’s nice to have this organisation, if this organisation does not exist, we would just stay at home, not much chance to go out and meet other people.

How long is he there for?

He can go up to two weeks. But I go and see him every day. And then I worry about him because, at the beginning when he was walking about I didn’t worry too much about him really. Although it took two or three visits really for me to relax because the first time I felt awful. I felt guilty. I felt I was sending him into hospital without really him needing the hospital, I felt really awful, I didn’t really enjoy it at all. But then I tried to enjoy as much as possible because it’s my only chance really. But now I feel again very apprehensive because he is very needy now. He can’t communicate his needs.

I sleep better without him because he is quite noisy during the night, so I do get benefits obviously. And I can visit people and I can go out, in and out as I please, which is nice. Yeah, but I don’t know what the best thing would be if you could really design a, -I’m trying to think what. But I think, yes, I think you need, you really need to be away from the person, you look for a little chunk of time.

The positive thing is, when carers get together, that’s a positive thing, because you know you bounce ideas off each other. One learn from the other etc, some of them come, they are crying you know, hard time. There was a police inspector who, where his step daughter -he came to one of the meeting. He heard about it and he came and he started saying this and that’ she behaves like this, behaves like that. And I asked that questions I said, ‘What about the Gp? ‘Oh she has a different GP to me. And he wouldn’t see me because she’s an adult. I said, ‘What are the problems?’ He said she was raped twice under drugs and this and that, and that had really upset her mind and she shouts at everyone. I said, ‘Write everything down on a piece of paper. If your daughter is going to see the doctor tomorrow, go the day before and put this piece of paper under his door and we’ll see what happens. Do you know, within two weeks that girl was under the care of a consultant. Because it was evident from that, that this girl was not telling the GP anything at all. Just going and mumbling and this and that. But how can you say to people, some girls, for them it’s difficult unless you get to know the doctor very, very well. Or if it’s a lady doctor. So eventually it happened. So tips like that help.

So because of the carers group

That’s it, this is it, but you can also, there is also in that same group, that one fellow was on the same medication for ten years until we shouted and said, ‘What the hell are you doing?! Get some other doctor, there are plenty around. So his medication was changed as well. So things like that happen. And you can get tips and all that lark. And that is what a carers groups all about.

You know, I’ve had to seek help many a time, I don’t just keep, kept like this by my positive thinking and diet and exercise and meditation, but also every now and then I have to go for counselling and when I have big crises I have to seek and then I can never get it when I want it, it’s always six months later, when I don’t need it and then I’ve got it, by that time I’ve learned to cope.

There needs to be easy access, simpler, you know, more resources that people can access it when they do need it, not months and years later and also more awareness on whatever illness somebody’s trying to look after in a more simpler format, what it is and what they could do. But it’s all easily said, but when you’re in it, although I know how to access more, I have the knowledge, I’ve experience looking after mentally ill people in my role, it’s never easy when it’s your own, because you have that power dynamics and attachment.