I have two sons, both are bi-polar and have a bi-polar disorder. The first one happened when he was about 19 or 20, -then within, then the second one happened, he was only 16 and at first I do not understand what it is all about, because my first son always do something, and I would get annoyed and I would always think that he’s lied to me. You lie to me. You lie to me. Nothing wrong with him. Until, until one day the police pick him up and put him in the hospital. Then I realised it was a psychiatry hospital, you know, for mental patients. So I said, There’s nothing wrong with my son, why is he there? Then the psychiatrist, -make an appointment to see the psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told me my son has mental problem and, you know, I could not accept it because he was doing well in school. But his problem is the company he mixed up with. My first son, when he was about 16, he start going out with the wrong crowd and they used to have parties and all these things. Actually he was living with his mother. I only see him weekends. And every time I see him, you know, we always do something. Then when his mother threw him out, he came and lived with me. Then I realised all this happening, which was a shock to me. Then they told me he was on drugs, and I couldn’t believe it and because I only see him once a week, Saturday, Friday night, Saturday night he goes, -or Sunday night he goes back to his mother. And I have a talk to his mother. His mother says it’s common. Everybody in school is doing it. So when he was living with me, I move him from one school to another, he, every time he get suspended or he gets, you know, suspension and all this thing

Then the problem is always go back to the same group of friends. Yes but then again that’s not uncertain that- But then again, when they told me he’s mentally ill and the psychiatrist say to me, Partly due to drugs. So at the beginning I can’t believe it, you know. Then before you know, the second one was thrown out too, and they came to me, the second one came to me too. And he was no better, he was even worse, because he start to, he hear voices and he was saying things which I don’t, I can’t see. He was talking me about the spirit, the ghost, you know, somebody is following him and all these things. Before you know, he’ll end up in the same, the same hospital. Then they told me it’s very unusual for two brothers to be there. Then there’s no answer.

The company I worked for, I had to travel all over the country, so that it was a central point, I was happily living. Although I got struck down with manic depression, this was in 1988, but at that time I was that much younger, and I was able to fight it through, and ride it through. I still kept my job, and managed to carry on. My mother got struck down with dementia. When she first got dementia, I used to come along twice a week, once on a weekend Saturday or Sunday, once on a week day, come along, do the shopping, make sure everything is OK, she’s all right, and all these things. But as time went on her illness progressed, then it got to a stage, it was a bit dangerous to leave her on her own, because she will turn on the gas tap, and then will forget to off it, and various other things. And then she couldn’t cook any more, and then we arranged one of our neighbours to come along, and bring some food, and then she found it difficult to cope, she might leave the door open, and that sort of a business, so-. Then I decided I better come and stay here, and look after her, so I had to give up my full time job, and I started doing part time and contract work, because obviously I needed the time for her. Plus with my depression I also couldn’t handle nine to five, or travelling 1,000 miles a week and dashing around, so that is how it came about, about five years ago, right, looking after my mum, and that’s it, and also now we are just carrying on, yeah.

Before I became a carer I was living in Japan. I had a career, really enjoyable career. I met Jim in Japan while he was working in Japan and we decided to be together, but that was followed by two years of separation. We had to sort out our, -well life, to get together. But at the time I didn’t realise, or I didn’t notice any signs of Jim’s mental health issues. But when I moved to UK in 2000, it didn’t take very long me to realise some signs of his depression and rage, and difficulties to deal with other people. I thought it could have been just to happen to anybody and I didn’t realise that it could be named as mental health problems. I just thought it’s just his personality and, maybe he’s very sensitive to stress. We married a year later. And then shortly after that he had a nervous breakdown, really bad one. That happened in where we used to live. And since then Jim had to take quite a long off sick period and in the end he was redundant. And things got really worse and our life was almost like -in a jet coaster, and we were just carrying on to going down, down, down the slope. And then we eventually decided to move away from because when Jim had a nervous breakdown that was triggered by his work stress, having me around, and also we had to deal with a lot of racial harassment by local youths. So we decided to come down to live here. But still we, -I wasn’t identified as a carer at the time. Jim as a bit refusal to see doctor but then things didn’t stop to escalate. And about year later from the point Jim finally sought some support from GP, and still from the point it took a further one year, me to be identified as a carer. But I had no idea what carers means at the time, and then what I can do to support Jim, just, but I was so determined to take our life back together because that was almost like a, how can I say? Crisis all over the world, and then we didn’t have settlement life in marriage, all started all together. So it’s just about -before, around the time when I became a carer.

So the next day, we had a meeting at the hospital, where the bank and one of her sisters came. The sister insisted that she is mentally unfit to live on her own and no way she should be taken home. But my cousin said, ‘No, I will not leave her, this is not the place for her. She will come home. And then they fought for almost two hours, while I just sat there taking notes. It was the Bank Manager, her sister and the doctor at the hospital against my cousin on his own. He said, ‘In no way I will leave her. She is my family and even if I see a stray dog on the road, I will protect that dog, because that’s the way I am. And I will not go home without her. And they fought and fought. I could not believe that her own sister would fight for her not to go home. Not even give her a second chance to find life in a better way. But anyway, at the end of it, when they knew that this man would not give up, they said, ‘Ok, the doctor said, ‘OK, take her home, but I can guarantee, I can assure you that she will not live for more than three months. And within the next three days, if you bring her back, I can also assure you that there will be no bed for her. So with all this and my own, I was determined at that moment I said, ‘Come what may, I will not abandon her. I came to know she is my aunt and I said, ‘Whether she’s my aunt or not, she is an old lady. She is a fellow human being, there’s no way I will leave her. I will fight to the end. I will fight with her’ and we brought her home.

Since 1969 until now, if I knew friends or some people, if there is general illness like high blood pressure, diabetes, cholesterol, heart disease or moodiness, I will provide interpreting for them when they go to see their GP. From 1969 until now, -I have always been doing this. My English is not very good, but I am not shy to speak English. This isn’t said by myself but other people, ‘Your English is not very good but you are brave enough. Although I don’t know the exact medical term, I will try to give examples to explain by telling them the symptom and feeling of the patient. I would tell the doctor some examples and then the doctor would understand. I was lucky those doctors were nice. Once I went with my friend, at that time, 20ish years ago, my friend’s daughter is now in her twenties, at the time my friend’s daughter was 3. I bought them, I bought the mother and the daughter and I interpret for them. The GP said why the girl didn’t speak English. I said to the doctor, She is only 3 years old, she hasn’t gone to school ye Then the doctor lost his word.

And also there is obviously the individual person’s own difficulties and sometimes, you know, but it’s just that our motivation should never be lessened when we work with public because, a little kindness, a little more understanding, a little kind of listening, means so much more to other people really. Of, all the carers that I come across, they are very understanding people, they, -I think they also understand the restrictions of life. They don’t expect the earth but they, you know, I think they just wish that, they’re hopeful, I think, I was thinking over it and I think each carer in the mental health whos looking after somebody with mental illness, is always hopeful that the person will get better. And sometimes I think the professionals don’t have that hope. Because the professionals know how bad the illness is, what the restrictions are from medication side, and the therapy side. So, and also perhaps they’re a bit more detached. They don’t have that close relationship, but I think carers are right. I think the professionals are wrong. Because we, I, you know, was recently thinking of the situation with, if somebody is on a life machine, the medical professionals will do anything and everything to keep that life machine going, why can’t everybody in mental health service do equally the same, of doing anything and everything to get the person back on their feet?

But, -caring because, -they just feel responsible. Maybe the person who suffers from mental illness blames them quite often, very often. And the professionals blame them. And quite often in the acute services, if the staff don’t understand or if the carer’s been nagging them for something, then the staff are, you know, always going on about us because they’ve been angry with the staff. So the carers at the end feel responsible, that they are the cause of all this, you know, so. I don’t know, -so reason works I suppose. And I would suggest that to all carers. That we may in the first instance feel that we’re to blame but it is only human sometimes to feel frustrated and angry and things, which don’t, -we expect things to work out perfectly, people to understand us all the time, when, you know, maybe they’re not able to, really.

I will take on everybody else’s stuff plus my own and I’m in recovery at the moment, I’m trying to work out what’s mine and what’s not and hand back what’s not mine. But at first it was, no one else is doing it, maybe someone should and then it was no one else is doing it because they don’t want to so I have to and then it was no one else is doing it so I have to and it’s just become I have to, I have to, I have to. And I don’t, -I think it’s also that they don’t want to see my younger brother when they’re not very well, so they’ll see him after, you know, when the medication’s kicked in and when they’re feeling a bit better and they look a bit better but they don’t really want to see him when, when they’re in it. But at the same time, my brother’s got is own life, he does his running around and my dad has four kids and I’m the only one that sees him on a regular basis and my sister lives five minutes down the road from my dad and, and she has done for the past two, three years, she moved there about three years ago but she’s never been to see his flat. They talk and stuff and he’s been round to see her but she won’t go and see him. My older brother will go and see him intermittently. But they had an argument and, because my brother got ill and wouldn’t go into hospital and my dad didn’t want to know. So I end up doing that as well, like my dad, ‘Tell your brother I don’t want to see him until he goes to hospital and get himself sorted out’, and my brother’s, ‘OK, I’m not going to see dad’, and my sister’s like, ‘No, I can’t help, and my brother’s like, ‘I’m not talking to dad because this thing, this thing and’, or my mum, ‘Tell your dad this’, or ‘Tell your sister’ or ‘Tell your brother this because’, I just run interference is what I do, is what, that’s how it feels. Now that I’m trying not to, it’s really difficult.