Impact of Long Covid on family life

In this section we cover:

  • The impact of Long Covid on family roles
  • How parents with Long Covid try to explain its effects to their children
  • Support from family members

You can find much more information on all aspects of the impact of Long Covid on families and family life here.

The impact of Long Covid on family roles

People we spoke to told us about how Long Covid made some of their family roles – like cooking, housework, or looking after their children – more difficult. Those who were affected early in the pandemic also told us about how the demands of home schooling made it particularly difficult to get enough rest.

Robert lost some of his enjoyment of cooking for his family after losing his sense of taste and smell

I cook at home all the time and, you know, there’s been a few occasions where I’ve cooked dinner and it’s just, I’ve completely messed the seasoning up on it and it’s been awful and, or I’ve thought I've cooked something amazing that I can taste a bit of and I sit down and everyone’s just gone, bland, you know, there was nothing in it, you know, and things like that. So, I mean, it is, it’s not very, not very nice at all.

I probably have a few, the odd takeaway a bit more now or the odd thing a bit more now just because you're energised by the idea of cooking dinner as well, you know, when you, when you, when you like what you’re cooking, and, you know, sometimes the motivation isn't quite as strong. But, you know, I, of course I do, I do and it’s nice to see them enjoy it.

Embed Print Transcript

Some parents told us about prioritising their children’s needs over other aspects of their lives. Sarah said she didn’t want her sons to “miss out on their activities due to me being ill.” She added: “I guess a lot of my focus now is on trying to get them to their various things [but] that takes a lot of time and energy and I’m not really able to do much of anything beyond that.”

A few people felt that the changes which had taken place in their family as a result of Long Covid were not all negative. Emily commented that she had done a lot more with her daughter because she had not been able to go to work or to do other things away from their house. She said: “We’ve done much more together in the last six months because I’ve not been doing other things…we’ve sat and watched TV shows together, because that’s all I’ve had the energy for [and] we’ve been baking…we’ve been much more in the house because we’ve not been out and about.” Lynne felt frustrated about not being able to do all the work around the house like she used to. On the other hand, she thought that it was perhaps “no bad thing, because [the children] need to be a bit more independent and not rely quite so much on me lifting and laying them.”

How parents with Long Covid try to explain its effects to their children

It was hard for some people to explain some aspects of Long Covid to their children. Lynne said she found it difficult to explain her worries about being reinfected with Covid-19 to her children. Sarah said her children struggled to understand why she wasn’t getting better more steadily like she had done when she had been ill in the past.

Lynne was worried about getting reinfected with Covid. She had to make decisions about which activities she was willing to risk. Often this meant saying no to things her children wanted to do.

And it’s hard for the kids to understand. I do feel for the kids, because they have things like, can we have friends over – yes, but you have to stay outside. But they're allowed to go into other people’s houses, but they're not allowed to come in our house. We do have the excuse of, Dad’s working from home, so obviously if Dad is working, you have to stay outside. But it’s just that risk factor. And if they're going round to a friend’s house, well I don’t really want to let them go to someone else’s house, and no harm to them, I mean, they're in the class with them, all day. And it’s just, it’s trying to make sense of what’s the right thing to do for them. But it’s hard. Can I have a sleepover – no, you can’t have a sleepover. Can we go to soft play – no, you can’t go to soft play. It’s just, there seems to be a line for us of what’s risk that we will take, and what’s risk that we won’t take. But the kids find it hard to understand.

And how much of a change is that for you, would you have said, before COVID, were you kind of a risk averse sort of person, or…?

No, no, not at all, no.

…is this something new?

Oh yeah, this is completely new. No, we just did everything, I always sort of encouraged my kids to take risks, climb trees, try and swim in the sea, go and try and swim in the sea, it’ll be fine, and if it’s not fine, you know, we’ll find a way out of it. Very much tried to encourage them to do things on their own, and yeah, I'm not a risk averse sort of person, at all. Yeah.

So it must be hard to be going through that change, it must be quite, almost like a conflict, in a way, to kind of always be trying to work that out.

Yeah, because the automatic first answer to everything is, no, we can’t do that. And then you have to rationalise it, well is it, how much of a risk is it, will we do it, are we willing to take that risk, is it worth that risk. It’s exhausting, and it’s with everything all the time. My son, my youngest son needed new plimsoles for school, so on Saturday, come on, we'd better go and get them, and we arrived at the [shopping centre], and it was so busy. And I'm sitting in the car going, am I going to get out of the car – yes he needs plimsoles. Do I want to get out of the car – absolutely, I do not want to go in amongst all those people, because they're not wearing masks. And even when you get out of the car, and, oh mum, it’s really busy, and I'm saying, yeah, but we need to go and get your plimsoles, and we need to go quickly, and we’re going to keep our masks on outside, and we’re going to rush into this shop, and then rush back home again. It is exhausting.

Embed Print Transcript

Sarah said it was hard for her children to understand why she wasn’t getting better in a more “linear” way. She found it hard to see their disappointment on days when she wasn’t well enough to do activities with them.

I think I am definitely trying to protect them a bit. I also try to be honest. I think it’s harder, you know, although they are teenagers my children, I think it’s still really hard for them to understand because it’s hard for me to understand, you know. Previously with illnesses, you know, when you have a stomach bug or even the flu actually or something like that generally once you start feeling better than the next day’s better and the next day’s better, isn’t it. So, progress does tend to be linear with most of the other things that they’ve experienced. And I suppose with this not being, I think that’s really hard for them to cope with; you know, the fact that one day I can play table tennis with them and have a good time and then the next day I have to say no, I really can’t. I don’t like seeing the disappointment in their faces when I have to say no. So, I try to protect them from that a bit. But yeah, it’s…I do better at that some days than others.

Embed Print Transcript

Support from family members

When people were struggling with their Long Covid symptoms they were grateful for practical and emotional support from family.

Adele felt lucky to live with someone who could give her so much help when she needed it. Her partner did ‘everything’ for her for months after she became unwell.

View profile

In the acute phase, it was really difficult. I was very fortunate to live with someone, and he has been amazing, he’s really helped, he did everything for a really long time. There was no way I was going to manage to stand, to cook, or you know, getting to the shower was, was difficult. He helped with a lot. I don’t know what I would have done if I was on my own, I think I probably, I just don’t know. I mean, I’m saying, I think I probably would have had to have gone and stayed with family, but then if you have Covid, you can’t, you know. So that must be really difficult for people. Gradually, and I mean, months in, things started getting better, and I started being able to do more. But for months, and months, he did everything.

Embed Print Transcript

John was extremely reliant on his wife to take care of him. He said, “I can’t imagine having a carer who’s better than her.”

John: But other than that, I can’t complain because for…if ever she wanted a reference to become somebody else’s carer I’d be happy to give her one. Coupled with that, I mean [wife] is, you know, she’s my wife. We’ve been together for, how long, thirty…?
 
Wife: Thirty-four years.
 
John: Thirty-four years. There is nothing she doesn’t know about me. And so, in terms of, I can’t imagine having a carer who’s better than her. In terms of what she does for me. It just couldn’t exist.

 

Embed Print Transcript

Frances said she had very supportive friends and family but that her husband in particular had been “absolutely fantastic” when she was at her worst.

In case I don’t say it later, I think without my husband I’m not sure I’d be here at all actually [laughs]. He was absolutely fantastic. And it was really hard for him, because as well as being worried about me, it was just, you know, living with somebody who’s miserable as hell all the time is pretty debilitating and awful for him. So, you know, very supportive family, but particularly, [husband].
 
And also, for [husband], for my husband. So, I remember one point – we’ve got a veranda thing outside and it was quite a nice day, so I was lying there kind of asleep, you know, wrapped up in some rugs and then, and [my husband] came and then he suddenly was sort of sitting next to me. And I was going, “What are you doing?” And then after a little while he took my pulse. And I said, “What are you doing?” He said, “Oh I’m just doing some obs.” He’d been counting, you know, how often I was breathing and then doing…because he was just so worried about me so he’d rung [our friend], this very good GP friend of ours, and she’d said…because, you know, he’s sort of basically saying, you know, “She’s kind of flaking out and I don’t know what to do about it,” and I think he was really worried. So, she said, “Well, just, just quietly do some observations and check that she is actually breathing” you know [laughs]. So yeah, you know, I was really lucky that, you know, that we have access to people who have got those sorts of skills, knowledge and expertise.

 

Embed Print Transcript

Long Covid and work

Long Covid affected people’s working lives in different ways. Some people were not working at the time of the interview. Other people were still able...