Impact of Long Covid on relationships

We asked people with Long Covid and those living with people with Long Covid about the impact it has had on their relationships.

This section covers:

  • Parent and child relationships
  • Sibling relationships
  • Friendships
  • Intimate partner relationships

Parent and child relationships

Several parents with Long Covid talked about not feeling able to be the parent they once were to their children. For some this caused considerable guilt. Sara feels like she is a “worse parent” since getting Long Covid and Vonnie says her children feel like “they’ve lost someone.” Paul’s daughter gets sad that she can’t do the things she used to do with him. However, he’s trying to focus on who he is as a person and to remember that Long Covid hasn’t changed what his family love about him. Although Ada is grateful for the support she has from her in-laws, she says, “I’m their mum. I want to be their mum… I want that mentally and physically to be there for them.”

Paul’s daughter gets sad that she can’t do a lot of the things she used to do with him.

So, I mean I remember my daughter saying to me, I just want my dad back now. When, you know, she, she wanted to go to the park and play football and there’d be times when I thought she’s not really understood what I’m experiencing and then sometimes she just absolutely blows me away with how understanding and empathetic and perceptive she is of you know, where I’m up to and how tolerant she is of that and she sort of accepts there are things we can’t do now but, you know, she’ll say “Oh daddy, we will be able to do this when you’re better and, you know, I’m looking forward to this daddy” and she’s been remarkably resilient really [daughter],in terms of adapting to that. And I suppose I have to adapt my expectations of what it means to be, you know, a dad because, you know, I probably was the dad who was very active with my daughter, climbing mountains, lots of outdoors experiences and, and that’s all changed, you know, overnight really.

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Parents with children who have Long Covid also talked about the impact on parenting relationships, including their sadness and worry for not only their child with Long Covid but also their other children. When getting her children ready for school, Emma A felt guilty about giving all her attention to her daughter with Long Covid and forgetting to say goodbye to her other child. Lindsey supports her wife and child who both have Long Covid. She says the pressure on her is “just constant.” She feels that there is not enough support out there for the partners and parents of those who have Long Covid.

When getting her children ready for school, Emma A says she felt guilty for giving all her attention to her child with Long Covid– “I just came home and cried and cried and cried.”

Yeah, yes so [younger daughter]’s eight she’s at the same school with [my daughter] and there was an incident two or three weeks ago when I’d been so obsessed about getting [my daughter] into school in a wheelchair and that I’d completely forgotten to say goodbye to her [laughs] and so I just came home and cried and cried and cried oh honestly.

And then I phoned school and checked that she’d got in and that she hadn’t like wandered off with a stranger and that I’d sent a message to her teacher on dojo saying I’m so sorry I am possibly the worst mother in the world I did not say goodbye to [younger daughter] this morning and then I texted [friend] who was also with [my daughter]and said can you go and put your head into [younger daughter]’s classroom and see, and try and apologise to her, so yes I am taking care of my other child but I just feel tremendously guilty.

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Sibling relationships

Some people talked about how siblings had reacted to having a family member with Long Covid. Siblings were described as being supportive, taking more care of their siblings or, if they were older, helping out more in the family, but some acknowledged that they likely worried and had some frustrations. Younger siblings who played together had found new ways to play. Bella’s younger sister can no longer run around with her but they play Lego and cards instead.

Deidre says her two daughters look out for their sister more now, which is nice.

The sister that’s just above her is only like 19 months older [clears throat] she’s noticed her, a difference in her and she’s always, ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Do you need anything?’ And things like that. So, no, they, they all look out for each other. The younger one who is five, her and [older daughter] get on really well as well. They normally play together quite a lot and sometimes [older daughter]’s like, ‘I don’t feel like playing right now.’ She’s like, ‘Oh, okay then. Are you just going to rest.’ It’s like ‘Yes, I’m just going to rest’. So, yeah, I know it’s horrible.

So, the sibling relationships, have they altered at all, that dynamic?

I think the other two look out for her a lot more. They look after her a lot more. They look after her a lot more because they know obviously that she feels poorly quite a lot of the time. So and so, yeah, no they look after her, which is nice.

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Friendships

Long Covid had impacted most people’s friendships in some way. Ways to meet up with friends had changed. Amira and Abigail saw friends less out of school because they were so tired or had so many medical appointments. Freya can no longer manage sleepovers as much but FaceTime had been a way for her to keep in contact with her friends.

The young adults we spoke to met up with their friends more at home. When Lucy B does go out with her friends she now does lunch rather than “dinner and drinks” and the venue has to be step-free. Her friends have been supportive, but she thinks “everyone struggles to adjust.”

Long Covid had impacted some people’s ability to maintain friendships, especially children and young adults. For Xanthe and Evie, maintaining friendships took too much energy and they were “just focusing on getting through the day.” James found it difficult to build a friendship group at his new school when he was off for weeks at a time.

Since Amira has had Long Covid she doesn’t really see her friends anymore. She says “I feel like it’s putting me more away from them.”

What about if you're not in school all the time, how’ve you been with your friends?

I don’t see them as much anymore. I talk to them on the phone and stuff but like I don’t really have the energy to go and see them.

So you probably wouldn't go after school to see them or on the weekends?

No.

OK, and I'm not sure if they would come over before Covid, but do they ever come over to see you?

Yeah, they do sometimes.

Yeah, do you feel like it’s affected your relationships with them?

I feel like it’s like putting me more away from them.

Yeah, in what way?

Like, I can't spend as much time with them anymore and like have friends.

Yeah, are they still doing all the things that they used to do?

Yeah.

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Friendships could be affected when people didn’t understand what it was like to live 24/7 with Long Covid, or didn’t believe that Long Covid existed. Helen, a parent with Long Covid, described some of her friendship groups as being “nourishing and helpful” but others had been difficult. Some, including teenager Abigail, described their friends as being “completely fine with it” whereas others talked about falling out or drifting apart from friendship groups.

Charlotte, a parent with Long Covid, missed having “a normal laugh” with her friends. She explained, “the only people who would treat me the same are my parents and my husband and my sister. My sister comes and moans to me all about her life and her kids and boyfriend and a job and I just love it because that’s what she would’ve done anyway. And she’ll say to me, ‘your house is a right mess’. I love that because everybody else doesn’t be like that anymore.”

Hannah has lost some friends since developing Long Covid, but she says it’s made other friendships stronger.

I realised who my true friends are who they… who aren’t, some of them have just left and like… not left, but just haven't really been interested in like seeing me, like they would never… like it was always… if I wanted to see them it’s me that has to make plans, like they never ask like… some of them never ever ask to make plans with me anymore. Some of them are… well, a lot of them don't understand the anxiety, which even though they don't understand, some of them are still able to support me with it, but others literally just would like rather not be around it. But then on the other side of things it’s made some of my friendships a lot stronger because they've given so much support, so it’s just made us like grow closer, which has been really nice.

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Some people were more likely to catch up with friends and family over video call rather than in person. Ravi said the risk of getting Covid again was “always in the back of your mind.”

Ravi, a parent with Long Covid, does not see his friends very often. He is much more cautious since getting Covid.

Seeing friends/family, no, hardly. I don't have that sort of relationship with anyone anymore. Going out it's not one of these things I like to do now. I’d rather stay at home and watch something, a movie at home rather than interact with anyone. I don't know why, just one of those things. Probably I might do it again but not right now. Well, we have got like a chat group so we're always on there so that's a good thing. It’s not as if I need to go out and see them, I just phone them or I’ll go on a video call and that's it. Job done.

And it's been since Covid?

Yeah, yeah ‘cause I think everyone's a bit cautious with each other ‘cause it's in the back of your head. Every time you even meet someone, even if I'm talking to someone, I don't let them come too close to you or me then you’ve gotta just back off a bit and you're thinking I don't know where you've been sort of thing. I think it's with everyone. It's the same thing you just back off, go no and then everyone knows and we all do it, we all do it. We're about arm’s length basically then we talk but before that it's like really close. Yeah, it's just crazy. Things like that. That's always in the back of your mind, isn't it?

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Intimate partner relationships

The impact of Long Covid on people’s intimate partner relationships varied. Ada, Michelle, Lindsey and others said that it had put a strain on their relationships, through changing roles within the family and added pressures on partners. Some people with Long Covid, including Ada who had anxiety and Charlotte who has lost her confidence, now felt different about themselves which they felt had an impact on their relationship with their partner.

Christian says that because of his Long Covid, his wife sometimes gets resentful and cross as she “effectively has to be a single parent” and carer on some days.

So, I normally take my daughter to nursery because I’m in the car because I need to drive, so my wife has to take her. If it’s a weekend she’s sometimes taken my daughter to work, which… because she does… because my wife is Head of rowing, it’s rowing activities and, you know, I’m sure the children like to see my daughter, but it’s… and it’s cute for my wife, it’s hugely inconvenient for her. So yeah, and it’s… there’s no real way of factoring it into your plans if on a given day… my wife’s described it as, you know, kind of, sometimes she effectively has to be a single parent, but then more actually, because she also feels like she has to look after me as well, so it’s, sort of, like a single parent and carer on these days, which is deeply unfair but… and then, you know, you get… and the weird situation, so it’s like ‘I need to not do that thing, which is useful now for you, so that I can be good tomorrow for when you need me to be able to look after my daughter, our daughter’, which obviously… my wife’s very open about it, you know, she’ll say, “I feel resentful or cross because I have to do the cooking and the washing up, and then do my work, whereas you have to go to bed,” and, you know, it’s fair enough really. And we have a very, in terms of communication, open relationship where we do talk to each other. Like, I mean… and it’s really hard, right? I can’t imagine what it must be like for people in other situations where there isn’t that level of understanding or communication going on.

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People we talked to knew of others who had separated from their partner as a result of the added pressure of Long Covid. One person told us, “I just worry he’ll not– why does he want to stay with me when I’m like this? It’s a normal worry, I think. And I’ve started saying to him, you know, “go out on your Christmas. Go on your own.” And I think he feels like a single person, but not a single person, you know. It’s hard for him.”

While she feels ‘lucky’ that she and her partner are still together, Layla says there is an underlying tension in her relationship.

He has actually been really good. I think I’ve been very lucky with that, ‘cos I know other people who have split up. It will have put a strain on him if I have a think about it. When he’s, he had to do a lot and he’s not the most patient of people anyway. It’s not one of his strengths [laughs]. So having to suddenly step in and get my seven-year-old to school, he found that really difficult because there’s a lot of faffing about and having to get everything organised. So, he, he did, that, that was stressful for me to see him get really stressed about doing it. And then he’d come back from the school run complaining about the one-way system and people weren’t abiding by it and not wearing masks. So, he’s come back really wound up and, and angry.

So, yeah, again I just felt a bit guilty that I couldn't just go and get on with it and do it like I would’ve done before. He’s been very supportive. He’s, he’s made the effort to read anything I’ve sent him about it. He’s quite clued up. He, occasionally, occasionally he’s said “it’s put our whole family’s life on hold”, which it has. That is a reality. There’s very, it has really limited where we go and what we do. That is improving because I’ve got a disabled badge now, a disabled parking badge. So, that has meant that we can. I can at least go to a shop and I can go and sit by the seafront or something like that. That’s made a big difference. But before that, you know, really was very limited.

I’ve also got a scooter coming as well, hopefully soon. That’ll mean that I’ll be able to get out and about. But, yeah, he would say, is that, he would be interesting to talk to really. But I think he would say that life has been really affected by Long Covid. He keeps going and he’s positive and he can see, he can tell when I’m not great he tells me to sit down and tries to sort of take over and things. I would say probably, he would be, I’ve put on a lot of weight and so that’s been a big fall-back for me. Yeah. I really dislike that about myself at the moment. Put on quite a few stone and have always not been like that. But I think that makes me much less interested in sex at all. Not at all interested to be quite honest. And obviously he would still be interested and he doesn't care if I’m overweight or but I, I don’t feel, I don’t feel up for that anyway, but also not because all the weight gain through my lack of exercise. So, I think that’s a kind of underlying tension for the relationship.

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Others including Beth felt it hadn’t had much of a negative impact. Deirdre’s child has Long Covid, but feels her relationship with her husband has not changed as a result. She says “we’re quite a tight knit family.” Xanthe talks about recently starting a relationship with someone who also has Long Covid.

Beth says her relationship with her husband has not been affected by their daughter’s Long Covid. They’ve been through tough times previously and this has brought them closer together.

We’re quite good as a team. We’ve been through… or… this is totally off-topic, but just… just for context: my 12-year-old was hit by a car when she was four so we went through like a really traumatic time, and actually working through that, if you’d have asked me then, I would have said, ‘mm, well actually…’ but because that’s happened and we’ve had to kind of work together and we’ve had to do lots of different things to build, that actually this hasn’t had a strain on our relationship in a way, because we’re like, ‘right, we can do this,’ you know, ‘we… we got through that, that’s fine, you know this is just another kind of tick in the book,’ ‘let’s go,’ sort of thing [chuckles]. So actually I think it’s brought us together more as a family because we… we have to kind of discuss things more, we have to plan more, yeah. I don’t think there’s really… that’s… that’s a really boring answer, isn’t it? But no I don’t think there’s been any strain.

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School and Long Covid

Here we describe what people said about the impact of Long Covid on going to school, college, or university. This page covers: Going back to...