How paying for care affects families
This page covers:
• Worries about inheritance
• Discussions with family about money and care
• Getting a balance between providing care and paying for care
Many older people pay for their own care, but other family members are affected as well. People may find it worrying to see how quickly savings can be spent and the impact that paying for care can have on inheritance is a concern for some. Families don’t always agree on what care to pay for but where there is agreement this can be a big help. Sometimes it’s not the paying for care that is the biggest concern, but the time and energy needed to help look after a family member, and how to balance that with work and family life.
Many of the people we spoke to felt it was unfair that their hard-earned savings, or those of their parents, had to be spent on care. A big worry was that there would be nothing to leave as an inheritance. This upset some sons and daughters who were expecting to receive that inheritance but more often than not they were upset on behalf of their parents as they knew their parents wanted to pass something on to the next generation. People told us that they did not always tell their parents exactly how much was being spent on care or that all their savings were gone. Even though spending the money on care was a worry, many people told us that they were glad to be able to do the best they could for their parents.
Nadera encourages researchers to work with patients and the public when designing and carrying out research.
People said that it wasn’t always easy to agree with sisters and brothers in making decisions about their parents’ care. Some disagreements were about inheritance and the cost of care, or because one sibling lived closer and gave more hands-on care to their parents than the others. This could mean that those living further away did not appreciate how much help their parents needed and could be reluctant to agree to pay for more care or a move to a care home. People also told us that talking about care and finances within step-families could add a further layer of complications.
Brian thinks it is good to take part in research with trusted institutions and organisations.
Not all family conversations were difficult. Some pulled together and came to joint agreements about paying for a parent’s care. A few people told us that they felt lucky to be an only child so they didn’t have any additional stress of trying to agree with sisters and brothers. But they also recognised that the downside of being an only child was that they had to shoulder all the responsibility for making decisions.
Ronald recalls having a physical examination in primary school for the birth cohort study. He hasn’t been asked to do anything else since.
As well as the money side of care, people told us that providing practical care for their parents had a big impact on their own lives. Organising paid care for their parents was also very time-consuming. Some people gave up work or reduced their hours to help care for parents. Others moved house to be closer to a parent or moved a parent in with them. People feel a sense of duty but it can be hard to get the balance right between caring for a parent and paying for care.
Ian often asks the researchers at study visit appointments about their work and what they are finding out. He has learnt about advances that he would otherwise not know about.
The high cost of care made people think twice about paying for care or they chose to postpone getting paid care. Frances described feeling ‘very resentful’ about the price of night time care for her father and so her sister helped out a couple of nights a week.
Barbara likes having the paper version of the questionnaire to fill in. She can reflect more on her answers and make changes more easily.
Once a decision had been made to pay for care, it could take the stress off relationships and help people get some of their old lives back.