Interview 07
Age at interview: 45
Age at diagnosis: 45
Brief Outline: Used a raft of strategies to recover including time off work, attending a support group, counselling, physical exercise, interaction with nature and pets, and spiritual healing.
Background: An athletic 45 year old man who was originally born in Brazil, now living with his partner in London. His most recent episode of depression started in late 2002 and was triggered by workplace pressure.
More about me...
He got some relief from depression, feeling better and sleeping better after spiritual healing.
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He got some relief from depression, feeling better and sleeping better after spiritual healing.
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So I went there and I told them I'm depressed blah, blah, blah. And I don't know if you know how it works, but I mean I closed my eyes and this person just, it's all energy and sometimes I could feel the hands but they didn't even touch me. And I used to' I mean the days I had or when I was having it, I left there kind of relieved and light and feeling much better, not that I think that would cure one's depression, but it gives you a kind of momentary relief'. Yeah, it made me feel lighter and I also tried, I have a friend who gives Johrei, and one day she came here and she, she gave me one treatment and it was also very this one there is touching you know, it's almost like, I think she did more in my head and my back but there this one you have some physical touching, and also again it's through energy and if the person's not touching you, you feel the heat and oh, so those 2 treatments I thought they were kind of very useful in a kind of giving you some relief. And I think even in terms of sleeping I think the days I had the healing, the spiritual healing, I think I felt, I think it's almost like feeling, feeling nourished in your spirit and yeah, so I thought it was very useful.
It took him about 6 months to accept that he had depression and to be able to tell his GP about it.
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It took him about 6 months to accept that he had depression and to be able to tell his GP about it.
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And I said, 'No', almost as if I didn't want to accept the fact that you know' So I said, 'No, no, no.' I said, 'it's actually very embarrassing.' And he said, 'Don't [feel embarrassed] because I see it every week, men with this problem, and he said, I'll give you Viagra.'
And then I was, 'Okay', so he gave me Viagra and it took me a long time to try, and then once I did try and then, it does work or it did work. But I realised that I felt horrible because in fact it was not even the fact of performing sex, or not, it is not even wanting to have sex at all.
So when I look back now, it started in November 2002. And so it was like 6 months, almost for myself to accept that I was' or something was utterly wrong with me, to go to the doctor and ask for help, you know. Because in previous depressions I had managed not to go to the GP. I never took medication for depression before.
An English acquaintance was surprised he was having psychoanalysis, but in Brazil seeing a...
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An English acquaintance was surprised he was having psychoanalysis, but in Brazil seeing a...
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But I said to him, 'In Brazil or in the US'.if you don't see a psychoanalyst, you have a problem.' [laughing]. So it's almost like, for me it was' it is still very easy for me to talk about my feelings.
Felt abandoned when holistic teacher left the country.
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Felt abandoned when holistic teacher left the country.
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While very depressed, doing exercise helped to fill in the day, and watching Wimbledon also...
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While very depressed, doing exercise helped to fill in the day, and watching Wimbledon also...
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His pet parrot needs a lot of attention, and is affectionate and sensitive to him (even if...
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His pet parrot needs a lot of attention, and is affectionate and sensitive to him (even if...
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So how does your parrot behave differently, do you think?
[Sigh] I couldn't say because sometimes she can be very aggressive as well. Sometimes I have cuts and I have a bite here but it's, sometimes even the way they look at you, or maybe this could be a perception of me looking at her the way she looks at me.
Was comforting to be with people who knew what he was talking about, he bonded with the group,...
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Was comforting to be with people who knew what he was talking about, he bonded with the group,...
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But in this group I felt that we were more equal, you know because we all had gone through the same thing, so I felt almost an immediate bond, if you like, with all those people though I'd never met them before. And I don't know who I'm going to meet the next time I go, I presume some people are going to be there because there is a core of people and I presume that some people, the newcomers, I'm guessing that probably some or one of them would be terrified, and not come back again, you know.
But I felt very comfortable so, you know the advice I give to people is to try some kind of support group, you know people who are going through the same process as you are. Because again, when you're going through this process alone, you think that there is something utterly wrong with you and that it's just you on earth going through that thing alone. And then when you meet other people you say, you know I have the same problems.
When he told his neighbour about his depression, his neighbour hugged him and offered comforting...
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When he told his neighbour about his depression, his neighbour hugged him and offered comforting...
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Even though the proposal he was working on was successful, he had to work with a man who he...
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Even though the proposal he was working on was successful, he had to work with a man who he...
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Feels that the stigma of mental illness is less in Brazil than in the UK, and he is encouraged by...
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Feels that the stigma of mental illness is less in Brazil than in the UK, and he is encouraged by...
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But you know, I think even Beckham, the other day it was in the newspaper that he had or was about to have a nervous breakdown last year, blah, blah, blah and I said, "Oh good," you know, I even find I think it's really good that someone like him that is a football player blah, blah, blah goes and say, "I was about to, you know, stop playing for Manchester because of the pressure and this and that," because it breaks this assumption that depression is an illness for women or illness for weaker people. It's not, you know anyone can get depression.
Fears further depression, and compares depression recovery with being in remission from cancer....
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Fears further depression, and compares depression recovery with being in remission from cancer....
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It doesn't make it any easier having had previous experiences, it's always horrible.... But the fear of having one again, it must be almost like people who have cancer, and then they have this remission periods you know, that, yeah it's a remission thing that scares you the most, so sometimes, even when I feel a bit down, not necessarily [laughing] is going to develop into depression, I worry about you know, and I say, "Oh my gosh you know", and I want to feel happy again as soon as I can. So I'm sure it's not going to develop in to the more serious long term depression.
Feels under pressure to get better because he feels a burden on his partner and friends, yet...
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Feels under pressure to get better because he feels a burden on his partner and friends, yet...
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Actually, my partner has played a key role in my recovery - he was very supportive during my depression periods - I do not know how I would have coped without him. It must be very hard dealing on a daily basis with someone you love with depression! Many times he has forced me to do things and helped me out of the house in times when I did not feel like doing anything. I believe having a loving and caring partner has helped me get over the most horrible periods of my depression. However, having said all that - not even your partner can rescue you from your own depression! It must be very frustrating for them. I really do not know which is the hardest position to be in - the person suffering with depression, or being with someone suffering from depression.