What was your pain relief like? Pain control.

What I do remember is I had morphine which I was able to sort of manage that myself. I think in the first day or two I was probably, I remember other people commenting, this was something that you could administer yourself through a little sort of clicky thing, and I think I was at times clicking it rather a lot, although the machine itself regulated to ensure that you didn’t overdose or whatever.

But I don’t have any recollection of being in significant pain, despite you know, well I suppose the keyhole sort of helps there aren’t major incisions going on. But no, I don’t have any recollections of being uncomfortable, in pain, following that. I think the pain relief was perfectly adequate for me.

So how long did you have a morphine pump?

It wasn’t the whole time I was in, as I said I was in sort of six days. It probably was the first two, possibly three. And when they withdrew it I wasn’t suddenly aware of the fact that you know things hurt. I think they, you know the timing was obviously about right.

I remember the pain control was slightly spasmodic and you’re not allowed to swallow anything at all so you have to have the pain in injections and they were so busy very often and only a Sister who’s in charge of the drugs cupboard can actually do that and sometimes you did have to wait a long time, you didn’t get them as regularly as you should have done.

In the daytime it didn’t matter too much but sometimes at night you’d be waiting. Everybody else had had their pills, you had to wait for that injection and it would be sometimes a couple of hours late. And I remember thinking oh I wish shed hurry up and come with my injection.

You were given a choice for pain relief before you have the op. You could either have epidural or you could have a little machine and you’re wired up to that, you had a button which you pressed when you felt pain and that was supposed to relieve the pain. Or you could have painkillers from the trolley.

I actually opted for the one where I thought I would be in control, that’s pressing the button when I felt pain.

But in actual fact it didn’t work for me, it probably worked a bit, I don’t know how bad I would have been without it but that really was quite a bad experience because I was just told to press the button when I had pain and I kept on pressing the button and I still had a lot of pain.

And I can remember the man who was obviously in charge of pain control, I can remember him coming in and shouting at me and saying “You can’t expect this to work if you keep on pressing that button. You’re pressing it too often.”

And I didn’t actually say anything to him. It upset me a lot because I was, I was feeling so low and it was so soon after the operation. If it had been now I jolly would have, I would have shouted back at him and given him what for, because I’m that sort of person.

But you know, I realised at the time I didn’t do it because I was feeling very weak and I wished really that I’d gone for pain-relieving tablets from the trolley.

The medical staff were very good apart from a resident junior doctor who decided on the second night that he would reduce my medication in the epidural without saying anything and he reduced the level of the drugs and so, I think that’s the one night I spent in great pain and I couldn’t understand it.

It was very distressing, the night nurses were very reluctant to wake the doctor and kept trying to jolly me along until a reasonable hour in the morning.

And I think in retrospect I should have been more assertive and I should have kind of thumped and said “Get the doctor” because I felt as if my insides were falling out, it was a really unpleasant and painful burning sensation.

And I, afterwards, the next day they said “Oh doctor so-and-so reduced the level of the pain killers, he didn’t think you needed them because you were doing so well.”

And I think you know, that was, that stands out as the sort of the big down period of being in hospital. And he was you know, not particularly apologetic, he said “Oh I didn’t think you needed it. You looked as if you were doing fine.” But I think I did express to him that he should have actually discussed it with me rather than just taking action.

What they’d done is in the meantime they’d tried putting me on the one where you have a little button and you can apply the morphine yourself.

Yes.

It started off, I mean me pressing a button like mad but it will only give you what it will give you.

It’s programmed. The switch or button failed and I could, I didn’t turn my head much but I could hear and I could hear a number of nurses to my right discussing how to make it work and then I heard one young lady say well if I had a book of instructions I could work it and I thought well if I had the book of instructions I could work it but you just had to lay there and it was I suppose the worst 12 hours of my life (laughs) looking back.

Did they not have another machine to bring you?

Yes that came along and that was broken.

Looking back that was really bad. My surgeon wasn’t there so he didn’t see what I had to put up with.

Why do you think they waited so long before they did anything?

I don’t know, I think they kept hoping something else would work, these machines and things.

At that moment in time was in so much pain I couldn’t care less if I lived or died at that time.