Yes, and gradually over time he’s got better, slowly, slowly, he was only offered one session of physiotherapy, but we ended up getting private physiotherapy, so he’s been doing physiotherapy on zoom weekly and that’s been a real source of strength for him is that he’s enjoyed having that person every week who’s seen him develop and who has given him advice and who has listened. So, she’s been amazing, and he’s worked really hard in rebuilding his strength because he was very strong before and it was really hard for him to have the strange body that was totally different from the body he went to sleep with. He's worked really hard at his physical strength; I think the nausea and the feeling unwell has been really challenging for him and it comes and goes as part of the fatigue, and he still has elements of that and that is…I think everything has been about time. So, gradually, gradually, gradually everything has got better, and we are aware of how extraordinary his recovery has been considering how ill he really…he was at that time, and they said that to us when he was discharged from the Covid clinic in December, and they said that he really has made an extraordinary recovery.

But he’s still not 100 per cent himself and he’s still struggling with elements of Covid symptoms and fatigue, nausea, headaches, body ache, all those symptoms that nobody really knows the answer to and that’s frustrating for him and still part of it. So, he’s not back to normal yet but he’s a lot closer than he was when he came home.

But I treated all of my time in rehab as rehab. So all the time I was on the ward, I was trying to do things, so things like making a cup of tea but also doing my washing and making my bed. Once I cottoned onto the fact that beds were changed on a particular day, I used to say to the nurse, right, I’ll strip the bed, because I could do that with my stumps. And then for the last three or four weeks, I would make my bed myself. And it might take me two or three hours but I would do it and I’d be blooming proud of having done it. And I said, but I’m going to want to do this at home, so I might as well practice now.

And it was all like that. You know, we had a gardening group and I’d go out and try and do a bit of gardening and find out which bits could I do and which bits couldn’t I do, yet. And it was really good. And we…a group of us decided we wanted to sand down some of the benches because they were in a sorry state. So we got permission and they got us some sandpaper and some sandpaper blocks and I managed to sand, you know, with my stumps. I put a sock on because otherwise it hurt my stump and I sanded parts of the bench. Yeah, and it was all things like that that you could do that I did do because I wanted to and I wanted to improve.

What has life been like for you since you got home?

Frustrating because I can’t do things I want to do. I get tired quickly. Like I said, I’m wheelchair-bound anyway because I’ve got severe osteoarthritis and one leg I’ve got a metal pole from my hip to my ankle, so I can’t bend that. But I can potter around and do things, but I try to do simple things, you bend down to do something and, oh, you’re out of breath again.

And it’s just frustrating. So, I’ve sat and done a lot of knitting. Having things to do, like I like doing crossword puzzles and I used to hate doing word search. But while I was in hospital, having word search to do, you didn’t have to think too hard about it, but it takes your mind…I think if I didn’t have things to do, I would have gone mad, I think. I lent a man my tablet so he could watch some films because he had nothing to do, so…and I was knitting and doing the word search. And it’s just, keep yourself positive really, trying to have positive thoughts and keeping your mind active. Otherwise, you just lay there and think about what’s wrong with you and I don’t think that helps. So yeah.

And now they just tell me it’s time, they say it can take five years before you’re totally over it. But I’ll just take each day as it comes and do what I can do and what I can’t do, I’ll have to leave ‘til tomorrow. So yeah, it’s getting better. So, each day is a new day and you improve each day. Some days you think you’ve gone 10 paces forward and nine back but then other days you think you’ve gone 10 and stayed at 10, so yeah.

It’s hard work recovering?

It is. And my husband, he’s still tired, you know, he said he’s exhausted. He does a bit in the garden and he’s coming back in and sitting down and falling asleep a lot more. Yeah.

So, I was wondering if you could tell me how have you been getting on, since you got home from hospital?

Okay. I have a list here, that I didn’t…I started on the 28th December. I don’t think I was particularly well when I got home and I was having to do everything in slow motion, just to accomplish simple tasks. I do remember though, it took me…I had to stop six times, walking up the stairs, just to catch my breath. That wasn’t… a great time. And I do remember thinking, oh, I’ll be right for Christmas. Not really. Still not right yet.

So, towards the end of December, I started to keep a…a bit of a list about my walking. Now, from the…my kitchen to the front door, is 15 metres. And I thought, well, I’ll do that, and then at least I’m building up my muscles again. And well, the first few days, I was doing about 600 metres, dropped down to 300, and…which I’d been feeling it’s too much. Dropped down 150. So I did 150 for about three weeks. And then I decide to go out of the front door, duh, der. And at the end of my walk, which is only about 50 yards or so, there’s a little lane [name]. Right, so that’s my aim. And it’s uphill, slight gradient. So, yes, I do that, have a little rest and walk back down the hill to the house again. That’s fine. And according to my list, I did that for a month without going any further. And then I gradually increased it, increased it, until mid-April, I’m actually walking two miles, a mile, and then a mile back.

Then when you did speak to your wife for the first time, so you mentioned you didn’t have a voice yet, so it was… So, what did that whole situation look like? So, they brought an iPad, you said.

Yes, they brought an iPad. I couldn’t use my… so incomprehensible for me, I couldn’t use my phone because it was too cumbersome. It’s not a massive phone. It’s the new iPhone 11 so it’s quite chunky but I just wasn’t able to physically operate it; a) I couldn’t’t speak, b) I couldn’t’t hold it up and I couldn’t’t do the numbers. I wasn’t very… I guess I wasn’t very with it, I suppose. So, yes, that first time the nurse would hold it up like that and just there, it’s my wife and she would be talking to me because she knew I couldn’t’t talk. They’d obviously given her a bit of a pre-chat to say, look, you know, he can’t talk but he’s just been doing this, that and the other and he’s awake, he’s kind of with it so talk to him and encourage him, which is what she did. So, she was just sort of saying, you’re doing fantastically well and your daughter’s here with you… me and here's the dog and it’s lovely and sunny. We’re fine. We’re waiting for you, and all that sort of stuff.

So, all conversations, I think, were aimed at giving me hope to just get better and, yes, they were a real morale booster for me, and I think that’s a brilliant idea if, in the entire ward, in a situation where you cannot have your family or friends. I think if I’d been involved in a motorcycle accident or something or, you know, I’m sure that in a normal situation you’d be able to be beside your partner, holding their hand, without being covered in PPE… you know, all that gear and it would help. There's a connection there, isn’t there? So, this is very new for the nurses and the doctors and for the patients and for the husbands and wives and families at home that are not able to come and see you or drop stuff off for you. So that’s where I got that sense that I felt that the nurses might be struggling with that because they can’t… they must feel that they’re not doing their job to the full extent of their ability.

Yes, so that was one of the reasons that we wanted to raise some cash to buy more iPads because I know that the priority for cash must be to go to more equipment for essential things so that’s part of the fundraising that we’re doing is to try and buy iPads but also to make sure that we push up the agenda that mental health aspect.

Paula: The day that he had a little bit of a blip here, little bit of…

Victor: Little snivel.

Paula: Little sad…

Victor: Feeling sorry for myself.

Paula: Yeah. I said to him…It was a lovely day. It was like this. And I said come on, I said, come and sit out in the garden. Just sitting out in the garden just made such a difference to him and getting the sun on his face. And then he had a couple of days of sitting outside and then he said oh, I’m going to cut the grass. I said I’ll do it, no I’ll cut it. And he did two lengths and said down, had to have a rest, did two lengths, sat down…

Victor: I love cutting the grass.

Paula: So, it was…he did his own therapy, really.

Victor: But even with getting back to walking, I was quite sensible then, wasn’t I?

Paula: Yeah.

Victor: We would do, initially, as Paula said earlier, a few lengths of the garden, with the frame. Then with…

Paula: Crutches.

Victor:…crutches and then walking with crutches, but just holding them in the air, so my legs were doing all the work. Then we progressed from that to walking up the road. Then I had this ambition of getting somewhere near the walks that we do with  Sky [dog] in the forest, because they’re beautiful walks. And, yeah, I progressed that way.

And I was like, if you’re into your fitness, like you probably know, you get… I don’t…I’m not sure of the medical term but when you experience that euphoria you release endorphins, that sort of thing. I was experiencing all that again, even though I was only doing a fraction of what I was used to. But I was getting there. I knew I was getting there. As long as I was sensible. As long as I didn’t do too much to send me back a few stages. So, for once in my 62 years, I was sensible. Yeah. Yes, that was good. Yeah. But as I say, for quite some time I haven’t even felt unwell. I don’t feel unwell now, it’s just these symptoms that I’ve got.

And, you know, one of the things that I found, I do have anxiety and I’ve done quite a lot of CBT where I’ve managed to overcome things that make me anxious. And one of the things that I do is, if it’s not in my control, stop worrying about it. Because that is the thing, that if it’s not in your control, then you need to just worry about things you can do stuff about.

And so, breathing is something I can do stuff about, but I just need to wait for my heartrate to drop. Because there’s no point in trying to do breathing, normal breathing while your heartrate is heading towards 130 because that’s just not going to work. So, you know, that whole kind of trying to get your breathing under control, it’s really a mental fight rather than a physical one for me. I’m guessing for anyone really.

And I think that’s the thing that I…that’s my biggest take-away from this whole situation is, you know, that I rely on myself to achieve improvements in my health and my stamina. But also, I am the solution to…you know, I can either decide to pant and breathe through my mouth or not, as the case may be.

My consultant was very calm, and she said, as far as we’re concerned, [name], you should go to rehab. Whatever you…if you don’t want to go home with physio, that’s fine. I said, I’m looking for all-round fitness, I’m not just looking for fitness and to be able to use the facilities in my home, I’m looking to be…for all-round fitness, I know what I want.

And so, it did mean an extra probably three to four days on a normal ward before a bed came up in a local rehab unit and I was transferred to that. There I was given physio. Well, I hung out for this rehab unit on the basis that if I went there, I was going to get rehab three times a day. And the reasons that the rehab team in the local hospital wanted to send me home because they said, well, you’re on an upward curve and you’re just going to get stronger and better. You know, you’ve already started to walk the length of the ward with a frame.

Sorry, that was another thing that shocked me I haven’t mentioned. I was quite surprised that after having Covid and being in a coma for three weeks, that I came out unable to walk. I had to learn to walk and talk again. And yeah, that’s why we had the rehab was to try to get me to walk again. So, I made some very good strides learning to walk.

And then when they transferred me over to the rehab, it wasn’t as expected. I was quite lucky if I got 10 minutes of rehab a day. I seemed to progress well in that 10 minutes with the stretching exercises that you had to do. And this particular person he’ll walk me along the corridor, turn around and walk me back to my room. And that was the end of rehab until the next day.

Then we had a change of staff member over the weekend. And she was absolutely brilliant. She pushed me. She said, oh, okay, so you’ve got the frame, [name]. Yeah. You can walk to the end of hall. Well, let’s walk round the dining hall. So, we walked round the dining hall. And I was about to turn in and she said, no, keep going. No, keep going. Oh, okay. So, I kept going. Got to the end. Oh, well, you can keep going a bit further. Oh, okay. Right, now you can come back. Fine. I felt brilliant. That felt like a physio session. That’s what I came here for, to be pushed. Oh, okay. A lot of people don’t like to be pushed [name]. What you on about? I said, a lot of people don’t like to be pushed. No, that’s what I’ve come here for. I’ve fought for this to come here to be pushed, I’m sitting down here just getting 10 minutes and 23 hours and 50 minutes I’m sitting here twiddling my thumbs. It’s more like old-fashioned convalescence as opposed to rehab, in all honesty.

And I’m thinking, but can we go again? No, you need to pace yourself. Okay. But if he wasn’t on duty, someone else will say, go on, you can go again. And that just felt better. But they’ll go, but you’re tired. And I’ll go, but I understand what you mean where you’ve pushed me to capacity when he’s…I do understand what he means. Don’t push yourself that you’re overtired and then you can’t do another session. But I hadn’t hit that point to feel that point, to appreciate what he was saying. The others allowed me to hit that point where I’ve gone, ah, I get it. And I suppose not all patients are the same. And I was also trying to say, trust me, I’m not going to fall down on you or collapse in a heap where you’ve got to, you know, get colleagues in to lift me back to bed and cart me off sort of thing. I’m not going to do that to you. We’re not going to get into that sort of situation, trust me. And yeah, so I did understand what he said but there was a little bit more.

So, I came home. I had some equipment from the bathroom. My daughter put a washbasin, she reconfigured my bedroom. And yeah, I was self-sufficient. My daughter stayed with me for about few weeks, although she threatened not to be here when I came home. Because she came down from [up north], as far as she’s concerned, she’s done enough. “There’s two of us, get your son to do some of the work. Or get my brother.” So yeah, she stayed here for three weeks.

So, you said you are unlikely to feel again, like you did when you were 40. How do you make sense of…what of your process is recovery from intensive care, what is recovery from Covid, what is ageing? How do you make sense of it, also in terms of what you might be able to change?

I think the best thing to do about recovering from Covid, is not think about it, because it’s kind of depressing. So yeah, I think, maybe the getting older bit, not a lot you can do about that. You just keep active. [Wife] and I used to go out on long walks in the [place] and things. But as I’ve slowed down, I can’t do that. [Wife] is a furious walker. She speed walks everywhere. So she was out on a…she went for a walk at eight o’clock this morning, before it got too hot. So she’ll walk every day and…two or three miles. That’s strenuous as well, there’s some steep hills in [place], which I don’t even…I think twice, before I drive up them sometimes. But I…

It strikes me as such a difficult thing to determine, whether it’s just age and, you know, we all get older, and that’s not something we’re going to change. But recovery is a process that we hope to reverse to some extent, so…

Sure. Yeah, absolutely. I think, basically, I’ve done a lot of that in my walking regime. So a lot…I think, well, I had a lot of muscle wastage. I’ve lost a stone and a half in weight. I’ve no idea what that is in kilos. And just gradually improved. But yeah, well, I think it’s something I have to keep up. Because as [wife] says, use it or lose it, you know. But I don’t fancy going out walking in this weather. So, I’m quite happy pottering in the garden and sitting under the umbrella. Yeah, I don’t know how…yeah, my recovery, I feel as though I’ve…I’m a lot better than I was, which is why I’m saying about 80 per cent. I reckon I was about 30 per cent when I came home.

So that’s been kind of improving. But how much better I’ll get, I don’t know.

But I am probably sleeping better, I’m probably sleeping longer than I did before I had Covid, whether this is just my body recovering still, or I know I actually just need to sleep for, I think, my respiratory appointment told me I’m sleeping for nine hours a night now, which some nights before I was probably sleeping five hours, if that. So apart from sleeping more, physically I do feel I am getting better. Even since I’ve been home, the first couple of days you struggle to get in and out of a shower; in a few weeks, a couple of weeks, I was able to sing in the shower; so, you know it’s, now got easier to breathe, you’re now breathing easier. I can now walk up and down the stairs. I can now, every now and again the stairs might still catch you out, I might get to the top and be like, oh, hang on a minute, that’s a bit tight.

And even for the first while, I found…I’d got myself one of the oxi things on my finger, and I was checking that all the time and, yeah, just watching that get better and better each day, and when I do walk the stairs, I would put it on and find out that it I was getting better, I was able to lose less oxygen and I was able to keep my heart rate lower. Day over day I can feel myself physically getting stronger as well, as in because my job is quite physical, of lifting, I can now feel I can lift more. I know not to do too much…

Initially the first couple of months it was quite tiring. Just the fatigue. Not so much sleeping, but just aches and pains. I’d say the lack of strength was another one. Eventually when the taste left it was fine, I could go back to normal. That probably took a couple of months for the taste to come back. They sent a physio out to me. Physio asked me to do a test. Because we live in a town house with stairs they reckon the stairs have helped because I’ve been up and down. So the stairs have contributed to a good factor and getting my fitness levels back. So when they did all the tests he said, Gerry, I shouldn’t even be here. You’re fine, there’s no issue at all. So there was no problem.

My son plays football quite a lot, so I took him down the park earlier to kick the ball about. I’m trying to be as active as possible. I got myself an Apple Watch, I’ve got my oxygen levels on it, I check my things, I go out and do my walks when I can, and obviously the puppy, on 1 March we can take her outside, and then that’s going to contribute more. So albeit the puppy was for the kids, but it will also be for me to get her out and to get walking, which is good. Sometimes it’s hard to motivate yourself to get out of the house. It’s so easy to sit on your couch and watch Netflix and various other things, but I feel that having the puppy it’ll be better to get out. I’ve got more encouragement.