I remember bringing this machine in that sort of they take a double check the oxygen levels in your blood, the blood circulation or something. And I think this is one reason I look so bad. You know, I’m not saying I think about positively about the burn, but I sort of associated give up smoking or vaping with the burn because they wanted to do a skin graft and I was so adamant. I wasn't going to have one.

I remember the doctor coming in just saying “Do you smoke?” I said, “Yeah”. And I think he said to me “That's such a silly thing. You're killing yourself but anyway, if you give up smoking there's a chance you may not need a skin graft”. And so, I just completely, you know, kicked it in the can there and then.

I hadn’t that much to focus on, you know. that would have been a time would have been hey, I would have been bored. a), I would have been smoking more anyway, and b), it’s quite a stressful ordeal anyway. So to have just, you know, gone cold turkey and done it that way it was such a help and relief because it almost proved to me I can go through stress ordeals without a cigarette, you know.

A bit flexible, and just don't put too much pressure on it, you know, just accept that things might happen a little bit slower, and don't put the pressure on it because it will eventually rise again when it becomes part of normal life, and they've made the adjustments, but it's like sort of anything. You get something new you've got to adjust to it. So that sort of period of adjusting needs to happen, and just don't put the pressure on right, you know, you've had a week. You need to be back at your normal levels, you know. It's so unreasonable. So, it's got to be fair.

So, it was sort of, it was nice to have a network of people who would just understand and care or not necessarily understand people just care without needing to understand. And maybe, you know, there'd be the occasional joke, but half of those would be led by me, there's a sort of coping mechanism. You know, making a laugh out of it, you know. Maybe not, but that’s what I thought like it would never be about my appearance, it would never be personal, it would be about what happened. The fuel line say, you know, so no, I think it was good to both have a laugh with people I could feel comfortable enough to go outside with.

So, I think always whenever something went wrong, I’d always sort of make a joke about it, and then just sort of get back to it. So, I guess it came quite natural to me, but the fact that it was so serious this time, the humour helped hugely in my-, I never realised it could. As I say it wasn't necessarily humour being personal about it, just hearing about the situation, for example, oh, you know, “The scar will be quite cool to tell stories about” or, you know, “When we're doing that again”, you know, silly things like that kept it going.

Because, you know, somebody might make a bit of a personal joke about it. he doesn’t really know you wherever you’re at, you know. So, I mean thoughts I’m just like, you know, tears are bringing it back up or, you know, you might be out with a couple of friends. there’s someone new there and they might make a joke and then that new person takes a step further. you’re like that’s not okay. and there have been times where you sort of think God, you know, have I dealt with this, have I not? On the whole I haven’t sorted any support, there’ve been thoughts there. But for the most part, as I say, I would say my support network’s good enough anyway to, you know, at least support me. Actually, some people might not be so lucky but to… you know, I was very lucky to have that.

I suffered anxiety in the past to the point I couldn't go into stores like when it was sort of growing up. I sort of learned how to cope with that, so it sort of came back a little bit. I thought I don't want to go to a bar alone, so having my majors to come up, you know, but always together just things like that. They sort of, I guess I don't ever appreciate how much it helps but yeah, just having someone to go out with who would, he doesn't care about you, your appearance anyway, you know, they like you for you, but the fact that they make me feel so comfortable that it didn't matter if I had some, you know, dressing on my wrist, it didn't matter if people asked because, he was there next to me and he'd always make me feel comfortable, you know. And if they ever got too much, we'd sort of be able to leave it.

Getting support before you need it but surround yourself with people that are going to help you recover because it's not just a recovery of the burns, the recovery of your, you know, your mental thinking, that whole anxiety of dealing with that, and digesting it all and coming to terms with it, and learning how to live again, you know.

It was quite a nasty ordeal. And having, you know, time off work, I just started a new job, maybe a month into a new job so the time of work for that, and it was quite a frustrating ordeal, and also not being able to do anything. As I say, I always like doing things. I’ve always got something to do, I've alwasy got something in my hands. I just couldn't sit still, and it was so frustrating not being able to do anything.

Because the specialist burns place was a bit about, maybe half hour out for us, so the whole having to drive there and work it around work obviously, I couldn't ride there at all. And I think that was probably one of the worst bit is although, I had the bike and stuff like that, I could no longer work, like, I could no longer ride, nothing in the whole recovery process.

The most important thing to never let that become who you are. I was always just the guy who rode bikes, it's not the guy who blew himself up, you know?

I take control of it. It's really not, I’m not letting it define me. That's the important thing.  I’ve put such an importance with not letting it define who I am, so that definitely helps to just keep it at bay.

And that's why I always say that I always bring it back to the bike because that's how I want people, to look at a bike, “Oh, Frazer likes bikes!” on people so, you know, somebody might burn themselves on a pan and think “Oh, Frazer has a burn”. You know, I don't want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as the guy that like bikes. That's sort of I think I play such an important identity and, you know, and that's it, yeah. Making sure people remind me but think of me as the guy who likes bikes.

Yeah, the pain definitely wasn't nice and the whole, although it was necessary, the whole not having painkillers for a while, and having to leave it out to oxygenate, that was the worst bit. And also watching the nurse wipe away the blister… [laughs] that was, oh – I can appreciate why she didn't give me any warning, if she had told me – but it was… oh, I just remember seeing it like “Oh my God, I can't believe that just happened, that is my red, raw wrist!”.

So, the time it probably kicked in was probably when they took me off the painkillers, took the, let the oxygen get to it, and I could feel the burn all around the wrist, but not in, on the wrist and they're sort of poking and prodding this like blister sort of thing. And that's when I sort of thought “Right, this is definitely a lot more serious than I first expected”. And I think that's sort of the time. And then afterwards, you know, was put on like codeine. I’m sort of thinking “Right, there's definitely…” – and being referred to a specialist, you know – I just thought “there's definitely more to this than I first imagined. It’s not just a case of 'run it under some cold water and a cold compress'. This is quite serious”.

I remember the doctor coming in just saying, “Do you smoke?” I said, “Yeah.” And I think he said to me, “Such a silly thing to do – you’re killing yourself. But anyway, if you give up smoking there’s a chance you may not need a skin graft.” And so, I just completely, you know, kicked it in the can there and then.

So essentially, obviously, when you smoke, the nicotine sort of constricts your blood vessels. So less blood flow will go to the veins. They were saying the more blood supply you have, the less likely you are to need the skin graft because to begin with it, was looking… they wanted there and then to just say ‘Right, you’re going down for a skin graft’ but I was just so… I don’t know. I guess I’ve always got off quite well – and I’ve broken hands and whatnot before – and I’ve sort of always managed to just handle it if that made sense. And so, I did… I was very reluctant to have ‘two injuries for one’.

I can’t exactly put my finger on why I was so adamant, maybe it was, I didn’t quite understand the skin graft. I think that probably was part of it, and also sort of… I guess when you think of a skin graft, it… it makes it quite serious, and I think I was just still in the mindset ‘This isn’t serious, this isn’t serious’. You know, it’s not… that’s probably what was in my mind as I kept going. And so, you know, I probably… I’m thankful now knowing… knowing that it would heal, I face I got to give up smoking and the fact, you know, I’m definitely pleased with the decision I made, but I wouldn’t be as opposed to it if like, you know, let’s say the week or so afterwards and I went back and I said right, you still need skin graft. I don’t think I’d have just been like down right no, I’m not having it, you know. I would have gone for it. I think I just… I guess in in my head, I wanted to give it a chance.

It was either once a day or once every other day, I had to change it. And my mum helped quite a bit because trying to peel the thing off myself. Sometimes, it’s got too much. It’s quite painful, so we’ve got a bit too much to sort of do it myself. So, Mum would have to come, help pull it off but she didn’t like doing that. She didn’t like seeing me in pain and all that stuff. So, it was all sort of a learning curve, doing my own dressings and some stuff.

So, it’s been… Mine hurt quite a bit, like it was really painful and it’s, you know, it’s really stuck, all the like, puss and stuff would really get stuck to the dressing. It may… I tell you, I think because I was in that weird transition period already of like, being responsible, it was sort of a responsibility I just had to take. You know, I was no longer a 14-year-old kid who Mum did everything for you, so although she helped the first ones, eventually got to a point where it wouldn’t get stuck, so I could change it all myself and clean it, you know. just becoming self-reliant. So, it was a weird stepping stone. It was one of the first sort of big responsibilities I had for myself.