Rethink will have some of the information for people as well if they want to join any of these groups and I think joining a group is a big help. You’ll find that you make friends, you make the odd friend here and there and it’s up to you if you want to continue the friendship outside which we have done with our, when we had our black and ethnic group going here we all made friends and we all had each other’s telephone numbers and we’d go out independently as well. I’ve still got one friend that I see quite regularly and that’s quite enough for me because I’m not used to having friends anyway so just having one or two friends is fine.

But just that small group it makes you feel like you’re being cared about and cared for and [my key worker] does a great job with that I think yeah. He can be a pest at times making sure that you, I’ve got to go out with him, ‘Come on [Mae] you’re coming for a cup of coffee,’ that’s only to get, make sure that I’m getting out. But he was, he was the one who really helped me able to get on buses and [get out?] because that was a big issue for me, I couldn’t get on buses, I couldn’t mix amongst crowds but now we go to town and we go out and it’s fine. You know, I go out with him about once a week usually and it’s fine and I’m really enjoying my life for the first time, yeah’

But sometimes you’ve just got to take it slowly and take advice from others if you can especially others that have been in the system and, you know, been there, done it, bought the tee-shirt, you know, and all the rest of it yeah. So I always listen to other people’s, so that is why these group help, you know, when we used to have groups it was, you know, it’s, it’s good that you can sit down and you can compare notes with other people and, you know, what you’re saying to them, you know, they’re not going to go out on the street and chat you and say oh nut, nut, nut or whatever. You know, you’re completely, so you’re completely at ease and you could have a couple of hours away from, you know, the rat race and just enjoy yourself with these other people. And it’s amazing, when you think about it, it is amazing the people that you meet, you know. You can go from the top person right down to the lower level, you know, on the street person but basically we’re all the same when it comes to our mental health issues so everybody should take a bit of heart from that, yeah’

But no I do, I feel I’ve had help from Rethink, it’s been bumpy at times obviously, we’ve all had our differences but if I hadn’t had them where would I be, I don’t know, I couldn’t tell you that, probably not anywhere’ Just show us a little bit of care and, you know, good attitude and I’m sure most people respond to that. Well I’ve found it coming here anyway, you know, will respond to that.

Oh yes, I have go to different’ because sometimes, when you are depressed you want to be with a group of people who understand, so they have support groups, they have got one in Croydon, they have got in North London. So when you are down, you think like I will drag myself, how will I drag myself, oh let me got to the Islington support group today. Tomorrow they’ll have a group in the City of London. Thursday there will be a group in Ealing. So like that you sort of do the circuit. Sometimes you say ah I just couldn’t be bothered, sit down.

And how does it help when you go?

Well when you are with a group of people you can talk. And while you are there for one or two hours your mind is off at least you know people understand you. And then what happens in the support groups is that you go round telling your little story about three or five minutes, you know, depending on the number of people, three minutes if there is a lot, five minutes if there are not many. So then when you go through, somebody will say, ‘Oh well I had the same thing, but I did this. ‘This felt” And then you know it’s coming from somebody who had the problem and not from somebody saying, ‘Go and have a meal. ‘Go on a walk. Like one of my neighbours, a few weeks ago he said, ‘Oh you must have a walk. ‘Oh,’ I said, ‘Oh thanks Mr [name removed], telling me this, I never thought about it, I will definitely go and have a walk. Then the next day when he came in, ‘Oh I had a one mile walk. It didn’t do anything. Any other bright ideas?’ And he got the message [Laughs].

Do you feel it is more worthwhile trying things out, that if someone has had an experience of depression and they, they suggest something to you, do you feel a bit more like, well at least that might work?

Oh yes

Because it worked for them?

Yes. Now like I belong to an organisation, an expert patient group, [EPP]. Now the problem with the expert patient group. Obviously I try my very best, not to, what do you call, be all the time with the sick people, because you’re going to get into a rut and that can take over. But anyway this girl [name removed] told me, ‘So come to the expert patient group. And they sent me on a course. Then I said, ‘Do I want to go to the group and drown my sorrows and find comfort in what other people have?’ She said, ‘Ah come along.

So I went this six weeks course, half a day for the every week, and then I found, not only I was with a group of people who were ill, with different types of illnesses, heart, diabetes, mental illness, everything. The person who was lecturing or training he’s also an ill person. And then what we do is, he will sometimes say things, and then somebody says, ‘Oh I had this problem,’ they’ll put on the’ ‘What did you do?’ Then, ‘I don’t know I was really going through hell. And then somebody else said, ‘Oh no, no, no, do this, this helped.

Now for example there was a girl called [name removed] in one of the groups, and she said, ‘I don’t know, my filing, I’ve got a pile of things to file, this, that and the other, in a in a mess and everything. And that sort of a business. So then I said to her, then I said to her, ‘[name removed], what you do is, ideally, when you, when you get a letter you want to reply, what you do is you make a, a, a, what do you call, note of that letter, like heading of the letter. And if you’ve got a file, file it. So you got on one page you have got all the notes and the heading of the letter, so when you feel better, you know where to look for the file and you can reply. But if you put it in one big bundle then suddenly you are lo

I recently went to, you know, wedding with people from the SA group down there. And I was fine there because they knew like my worse secrets in a way [Laughs]. So, it’s like, you know, it’s like I could be more relaxed then whereas if it’s family or relatives’ weddings or even friends from university that I knew years ago I don’t feel relaxed although I can be there and I have been going there. But it takes, you know, a lot of energy I suppose to be at those events than it does to be at another wedding where people know me. So, you know, with the people that know about me I don’t feel worried about, you know, doing anything wrong or being embarrassed or anything. And so the anxiety doesn’t come about. And I can, you know, do things that I normally find difficult I can do those with this group of people and I can’t do with another group of people. So it makes it complicated [Laughs].

So like, you know, I mean things like when I go out to my friends at work and we go out to [nearby city], we sort of have social nights out as well. I can go onto a dance floor with these people, whereas, you know, all through university I was, was really scared to on a dance floor. It was like very anxious with people because I thought they, people are going to think I’m not really , what’s the word? You know, I can’t, you know, I was thinking I can’t dance properly or I can’t do this and people would be laughing at me or whatever and things like that. And because I don’t have those fears with these people because I think, you know, even if they are, they know what I’m feeling and then they understand it. So it doesn’t matter and I mean, you know, it’s like, it’s things like that I can go to more meals or, you know, I can do a lot of other things I find harder with other people than with, you know, of this group of people. And it’s, it makes it weird, because, you know, apart from them I don’t really go out anywhere and I don’t have a social life. And people think I don’t go out. People think I don’t really want to talk to people. Whereas when I’m with, you know, with my friends from SA group there’s, you know, everybody’s like, they don’t think that, they sort of know, you know, I’m like a different person because we’d be going out and we went cinema, you know, on Friday. I don’t think I’ve been to a cinema in [city] for about, six years, I don’t know, because I don’t have anyone to go with me because people don’t really know me.

The doctor sent me to [name removed] then I came here. After the two blackouts I don’t go out alone, I’m worried, now I have a bus pass my wife goes with me and we now don’t have to pay and before you think of the fare. Before there was a one hour bus service and now we have our pass it’s half an hour service. We didn’t go out before and now we go out once twice a week.

The bus pass has made a difference?

Yes. It’s an encouragement that I can go out with some and by coming here I have a free mind, that no evil eyes are looking, nobody looking on top of you, what you are doing, how you are sitting, how you are standing, that free feeling is making me feel better.

That no-one is jealous or no-one is looking at what you’re doing?

Yes, like when I have back problem I don’t tend to go out and it’s difficult getting up and down. When I am mobile then I come here and talk and have fun with someone or watch television.

There is nothing wrong with him?

Yes one is different, of the other. By looking at the benefit that would not be given to me. The organisation here is not looking at you with evil eye any time and what you are doing and with that I feel relaxed.

You feel free?

You don’t worry about your problem and don’t have to hide it. You don’t have to mask it or pretend, you sit about and walk about as you feel.

As normal?

Not to suit the other people. I think the people that come here feel better when they return home.

And, [sighs] and, you know, I’ve just started to go, I used, used to go to [support centre] every, three, twice a week, Wednesdays and Fridays. And I stopped because I didn’t feel like I fitted in and, you know, withdrawing myself. And I, if I went, if I went [the support centre] couldn’t do anything for me. I just felt like giving up. And then I got a visit from one of the [drop-in centre] staff. And they said, you know, ‘You’ve really got to start going, going back to [support centre]. So I said, ‘I’ll try, I’ll go back and see how I feel. But I feel a lot better that I’ve come here now. All those worries that I had then, you know, have gone. So, [sighs] so I feel a lot better that I’ve come here. I’ve got somewhere to go in the week. I mean it’s not much, it’s just one day a week, but it’s something. And they increased my medication because, you know, I was having a hard time. So, you know, that’s all I can say really’

What keeps me going? Different things. Things that I like doing keep me going, you know.

What kind of things?

Things like doing a bit of shopping, buying things for myself, going for a walk, coming here. I like doing. Shop, oh, I’ve said that, shopping. Well, just different things. You know.

And what is it about coming here then that, that’s so helpful, that, that you like it? Why do you like it?

Well, it makes me, I mean, around people, on my own, really, in my flat. And, and coming here is just something to look forward to. Makes you get out of your bed, something to get out of your bed for, instead of laying there, sort of, you know, you can’t sleep any more.

Do they have activities and things here?

Yes, they do go places, like we go shopping and have, go out for a meal or do something here. There are various things you can do, each week something different.

And have you, you got friends here?

I have people that I talk, I wouldn’t say friends, just people that I, I speak to, you know, sometimes, you know, sometimes. Sometimes they don’t say anything, sometimes they do.

Does that help, having people to talk to?

Yes, it does, yes, it does, yeah. Have conversation with people rather than, you know, stuck in your flat there’s no one to talk to. Yes, this is, it’s good, yes, to come here, to , to, to know different people.

So it’s like good company.

Yes, the company, yes, come here for company.

And is it helpful, I mean I don’t know if you talk about, you know, like share experience with, with, experiences with people?

Yes?

Is that something that you do there?

No, I wouldn’t say that, no.

Yeah well I had a breakdown in 2001 and my key worker she recommended here. Well to cut a long story short my social worker wanted me to go to the one in [district] because that’s the area I was living in and then my key worker says, ‘No a lot of black people down in [another district], I want her to go there. So I got a referral, started, from 2001 I’ve been coming here.

And was that important to you to come somewhere where there will be other black people?

Yes my own people.

Why was that?

Who I relate to them. I’d just had a breakdown and it never really mattered to me, whether white or black, I’m not racist but when my key worker said to me here, oh, they used to have cooked lunch here, that was a part of me coming here. And it’s straight from hospital you come here but I never come straight here, I had a relapse and then they got me in here, my doctor referred me here.

So you didn’t mind whether there would be other’?

No whether [district] or’

No…

Mm.

Okay do they have particular services here, particular activities here?

Yes we had a lot and I was involved in a lot. Well, one of the workers, one of the staff left and I started doing the cooking, the man just asked me if I would cook, because I used to do lunch and everybody was excited and please at the different taste of Jamaican food. Yes, sorry, sorry you weren’t around to have some of it. And then so after cooking, [local] College had a computer course here and I was, I was a part of that course and they had a van and they used to take us out on day trips. I enjoyed that, different places. And I got to know the staff and we all got along and the clients, we all got, and a women’s group used to go out on trips or sometimes they’d stay in and watched a movie. The only time I didn’t come down, I didn’t join the Wednesday social space and I didn’t come down on a Saturday because I had my housework to do. But I prefer here, always, although if I’d gone to the [district] group it would be walking distance from my house to the group. A lot of shops was there where I could do the shop or if I had more money I could, but after they brought me here I said here is near the town, I can easily run into town.

Have you been to any support groups or anything like that?
No.
Is that something you don’t’?
I don’t know of any. If you know of any, phone me references, I’ll go there. I’m willing to try anything. I’m, I’m sick of it. I’m as sick as you get.
Is it something you think that would be helpful, talking to people?
I don’t know. I don’t know. If there’s anything you try it and then you see how it goes. But being in a lot of people itself might be a bit daunting for me. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. That’s again undefinable. I don’t know. But yeah, I’ll probably give it a shot. Yeah.