Biola was diagnosed with HIV in 2009, during an antenatal screening when pregnant with one of her older children. She found the diagnosis quite difficult because of what she knew about HIV from her country of origin in Africa, and it made her think of death. She was referred to an HIV clinic and a charity straightaway, and both those organisations were supportive and helped her come to terms with the diagnosis.

Biola has five children, all of whom do not have HIV. Biola’s partner is the father of her three youngest children and does not know her HIV status. Outside of her medical team and charity support group, Biola has not shared her HIV status with anyone. She did not breastfeed any of her older children but decided to try it this time with her youngest baby, especially because she does not plan to have more children.

Biola was in two-mind about what decision to make, but in her last month of pregnancy she decided to breastfeed. She spoke to her doctor, HIV charity and other mothers who had breastfed which helped to clear her min of worries. She breastfed for five months. She liked breastfeeding for the bond, but also found it stressful at times because she had to make sure that no-one gave the baby food during that period. This meant that she felt she could not leave her partner alone with their baby. He did notice and wondered why she would take the baby even when she was going briefly to the local shops. When their baby was a few months old, her partner bought the baby some formula milk and Biola had to think of a reason to stop him from giving it to the baby.

After five months of breastfeeding, Biola stopped and started giving her baby formula. She and her baby found it difficult for the first one to two weeks – her, because she had very sore breasts and her baby just refused the formula milk and cried a lot. The experience made Biola question if had been the right thing to give her baby breastmilk in the first place.

Biola had mixed experiences with medical staff. Her HIV clinic were supportive, but her GP and health visitor were not so supportive. In a home visit with two health visitors, one of them almost disclosed her HIV status to her husband when she asked her how she was doing with her medication. Biola had to respond immediately and ask what medication she was talking about. The following week, one of the health visitors came to her house to apologise and explained that the other health visitor was a student and should have read her notes that explained Biola’s partner was not aware of her HIV status. Biola is worried about HIV stigma from her partner and friends and has asked her support group for advice on how to share her status with the father of her children.