Danai

Danai found out her HIV diagnosis after the birth of her two older children but before she was pregnant with twins. She decided to formula feed her twins to remove any risk of HIV transmission. She was supported to do so by her medical team and was given milk vouchers.

Danai and her husband were diagnosed with HIV in 2012. She was pleased they were diagnosed at the same time, because she believes it removed any sense of blame. When Danai found out she was pregnant with twins, she was aware that her babies would be born without HIV as long as she kept taking her HIV medication and remained undetectable.

Early in her pregnancy, Danai had morning sickness, which prevented her from taking her HIV treatment as normal. At that time, she was worried about the risk of HIV transmission for her babies.

Danai had an undetectable viral load when she gave birth but had not known that breastfeeding was an option for her. Looking back, she believes she would still have chosen to formula feed, as breastfeeding two babies exclusively would have been difficult. Also, Danai’s twins were delivered by caesarean section, and she thinks that would have made breastfeeding even more difficult. In the first few weeks and days after delivery, Danai’s husband helped to mix the formula and feed the twins, which helped in her recovery.

Danai would not have been able to afford formula without the help of a HIV charity. Formula milk is, can be expensive so has it been like a good thing that you’ve been able to get it for free?

Age at interview 36

Age at diagnosis 25

Yeah, yeah yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah, that’s because I saw in the shops it’s very expensive.

Yeah.

I was never going to manage formula, I was not going to manage, if they said you pay, I think I was going to breast feed them, I was going to take the risk but as they told me that it’s free that’s why I decided to give them the milk.

Okay so if, if you have had to pay for formula you, you would have breast fed?

Yeah, because one tin is £10.99 so about the, I count the amount they give us I don’t think I was going to manage I don’t think [laughs].

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Danai worried about HIV stigma within her own community.

Age at interview 36

Age at diagnosis 25

I think, you know us Black people, we’re are not like others, for the first time if you tell them others will judge you they will never support you, others they support you but I managed, because if they are not close to me and say that thing in front of my eyes I don’t care, but you know it was not easy, it was not easy. Others they judged me they were talking this and that but I didn’t care about that because I told myself it’s not me only in the family who is positive, so they will talk until they get tired, now they are tired. They are not talking anything unless they’re asking me how am I, am taking medication.

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In the early days after birth, Danai found preparing formula feed difficult, especially at night.

Age at interview 36

Age at diagnosis 25

Yeah for first time yeah I can say for taking this decision for formula feeding it was not easy, not to wake up do milk every three hours, two hours, three hours I was supposed to wake up and do milk, yeah it was not easy for me I was struggling until I healed. For a man to do milk, you are supposed to show him how to measure water or to do this but he learnt fast, my husband learnt fast, I was not doing anything by those first days but, you know, I was feeling the tiredness of things just because he was cooking, cleaning the house, doing many things for me then after that looking after babies, you know, so he was supportive, yeah it was okay.

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Danai gave birth to twins and would have struggled to cover costs if she had not received free formula milk from her HIV organisation.

Age at interview 36

Age at diagnosis 25

I was never going to manage formula, I was not going to manage, if they said you pay, I think I was going to breastfeed them, I was going to take the risk but as they told me that it’s free that’s why I decided to give them the milk.

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